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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well this a better is a better chapter with a little more description in the expression to show the characters emotion more, and the writing is actually a little bit smoother too.
The only real issue I can point out is that, is that your sentence structure between them as they often sound very similar to each other and tend to even end on the same words, like 'more' for instance, which makes for a more dull rearing you might want to re think how you phrase things.
For the story, I wonder what Celestia knows about the channellings from her past? It doesn't seem that it was hostile encounter sense she didn't went anywhere near as defensive as Luna did, and had happen well after NMM's banishment. I am still surprised of all the attention Forge is getting from the princess all of the sudden and I wonder what links it has with Celestia's spidy sense?
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I actually have a VERY logical reason as to why Celestia has an interest in Aurelic/Forge. Simply put, she wants to keep a close eye on him should he act out. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Especially since he seemingly appeared out of nowhere, since her visions previously lacked any sign of his existence. That, and the fact that he didn't appear to be hostile from what she's seen, and what she's heard from Twilight & co., she's not going to outright attack him. But if you notice, she wasn't completely nice about the confrontation either. I might touch on a possible previous changeling encounter that predates the show later on, but for now I'm going to leave it a bit ambiguous. I've got a general plan for this story, for the most part. As for cover art, I would prefer to at least attempt to make it myself, but that's gonna be something I can't quite do yet thanks to life right now. Next week I should have more free time for things like that. I also appreciate the criticism, Celestia knows I need honest thoughts on this.
he believed that his visions only appear in case of an inevitable emergency
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Crap. Okay, I need to rewrite that little section. Aurelic's "visions" were just him watching the show back on earth. He mentally trained himself to say he had visions instead of watching tv, lest he break their world or something. Sorry for the confusion, will re-edit to make that more apparent.
Damn it! I wanted a epic revealing before the invasion. Having earnd there trust to get the benefit of a doubt. Maybe become Lunas lover.
That get maybe accepted from her since she loved him for personality not attraction .
Shapeshifter. You should go advertising yourself as the ultimate lover.
Want a Griffin to scratch your back? A Diamond Dog to give you a nice massage/petting?
Maybe a well hung Earthpony or Zebra?
All you need is a willing lover and your the jackpot under the Nightsky.
I know Celestia is a bussy mare but should she not give him time to ask some questions? He tries to be helpful and is clearly friendly.
Besides 2-3 questions more would have chiped her hooves or something equal unpleasent
That is the second time Celestia threatened him in a very short time frame. Forge certainly is staying calm despite that.
I imagine others would have gotten defensive and aggressive and called her out on it. After all, she was acting all benevolent and 'I'm taking care of you' like, only to then threaten him to give him the boot. Strange tactic of hers by the way, seeing as he didn't want to live in their castle initially.
Just some things I wanted to note. Doesn't mean that Forge's reaction is unreasonable. I guess I just do prefer people that do push back.
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I would acted very differently and explained how Xenophobe Pony are to non ponys. Or Lunas followers...
Keeping the "I know you also can see a partial figure" card unturned is probably a safe bet, but that means they can't collaborate as well... But that keeps things interesting!
Also Turner because he turns into things.
The dirty and meme-brained mind is always amusing.
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Why do you (Author) feel the need to rush things man, like it’s only the 4th chapter