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Graduation is coming up, and Apple Bloom couldn't be happier.
Well, she could, if Diamond Tiara wasn't such a pain in the flank.
Pre-read by B_25, Toast and Jowijo.
Proofread by Jet Storm.
Edited by Dreams of Ponies.
“Crusaders of the Lost Mark” is not canon in this story.
Written for Amore's DiamondBloom Shipping Contest.
Art commissioned from NixWorld.
Featured 9/17/17 - 9/20/17.
Page generated in 0.171 seconds
Total duration
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8432166
Dang dude, I just submitted it.
I'm adding it to my personal library. Thanks for the entry. We still haven't gotten the folder in the group working.
8432200
Happy to contribute,
Noice.
8432216
👌
It's cue, not queue.
WAIT HOLD UP IS THAT A STEVEN UNIVERSE REFERENCE?
8432238
Yup
8432241
Damn, you get the honour of being in my favourites!
8432247
Am honored
8432245
>o<
8432248
I'm sure you shall have many stories there long before I stop frequenting this site.
Well, this is the first time i stopped reading one of your stories halfway through. I'm too tired to read a story like this properly.
Expect my long as buck comment tomorrow ( not that you should really care about what some no name has to say about your stuff, but it's fun writing those).
However, aside from endless amonts of praise, i think there will also be a good amount of criticism, though that might evaporate once i'm done reading the whole thing. Granted, it will only be criticism based on the extremely high standard of quality your writing has, based of it's own merit this was enjoyable so far.
A gorgeous little piece. Apologies for my inability to help out on it more.
8432566
You're all good my dude, you would have had more to do if there were less people involved.
Ya know, not gonna lie.... kind of done with AntagonistDT since her character got that upgrade in 2015. Say what you want, but it adds more depth to her as opposed to just being a 2 dimensional bully,
8432675
I think the word 'upgrade' here is entirely subjective. She was an antagonist, but she often added conflict, without the conflict, there'd be no story.
She was quite 2-dimensional before 'Crusaders of the Lost Mark,' and I chalk that up to poor character development on the writers' behalves.
8432690
I'm honestly just surprised my comment didn't get a storm of dislikes.
8432875
I think that there's a lot of merit to what you have to say. She could have made a better antagonist if she was more fleshed out before that particular episode, and it was a shame that she was only developed after her reformation.
8432883
And then promptly shoved off into the character Ether never to be heard from again. It's insane and cruelly ironic that two years ago, I hated her character probably more than any other previously introduced, and now when I actually WANT to see more of her, she's nowhere to be found.
8432690
They did attempt to justify it with Spoiled Rich; the 'mother passing on her disdain for 'commoners' to her daughter' shtick.
Doesn't quite work fully, since Spoiled didn't exactly exist prior to Crusaders of the Lost Mark (which causes an issue with One Bad Apple - Applejack threatens Di with 'telling her mother of her bullying', when we later found out said mother started the bullying in the first place), but Hasbro did try to justify it, at least.
How to make C-levels go golden-parachute at breakneck speeds.
I can't say if comedy is the most appropriate tag, considering the bomb Apple Bloom drops a quarter way into the story. I think it would be better left as just drama, since dramas can have both moments of humor and hardship. It kind of mislead me to think this story was gonna be different from what it really was. This isn't to say I didn't enjoy that moment, in truth I found that to be the highlight of the work as a whole.
Since this is a romance I was expecting ponies kissing, and nuzzling, but to be honest I think it happened too soon, and at the wrong moment. I was captured by Apple Bloom's speech of changing and moving on, and the subsequent follow up of Diamond Tiara's comments on her family life. It's just I was caught off guard, since my mind was still caught up on Granny Smith, and how it effects these ponies on a deeper level. If you were to let Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara do their thing together at a later time, I honestly would have saw it conveyed in a better light.
Sorry to be a bit negative there, I did enjoy some parts of it, in fact I immensely enjoyed those parts, it's just these two issues that brought it down for me. Best of luck in future writings, and have a nice day.
8433209
Comedy and Romance aren't my strong suit. Dark and horror stories are my preferred genre, so this was treading slightly foreign territory.
Still, I appreciate the criticism, and I feel like you made valid points. My comedy could use some tuning, and I'll continue to work on it over time. Cheers!
I just find the people that act like diamond tiara can be "reformed" in any way cute
8433258
Lol, bets on your friends are the best. This is surprisingly good for an alt.
8433424
Not an alt, just in a Discord server with my friends.
8433451 So you've been messing with me this entire time?
8433463
This was a fun little read. Thanks for the laughs!
8433605
Thank you.
Phrasing!
8433720
Exactly what it says on the tin.
8432690
Upgrade is correct, subjective or not - relegating it to subjectivity by note is essentially saying 'That's wrong but you can think that'. The kind of crap she levied on those kids as a bully was case enough to cause long-lasting childhood trauma which would have had a chance to alter the path that their growth and maturity might otherwise have taken. Changing the adults they would otherwise have been and essentially warping their entire lives. Realistically speaking, anyway.
To say I hated her for that is no understatement. But with her development and reformation, while cleverly deflecting her reason for being such a little shit over to her mother, they got the intended reaction from people like me. I'm okay with DT now, despite that I essentially saw her as Pony Satan prior.
Fun story, by the way. Tiarabloom and Silverbelle wind up being good ships. Though to actually support your ideas on conflict, Silverbelle's lost some of its impact with reformed Tiara.
While Diamond Tiara still being a bitch feels weird in this day and age, this was cute. I enjoyed this a lot, as the dynamic sort of felt right. I'd love to see this expanded on with a sequel, where Diamond Tiara has to face the issue of telling her parents that she's a lesbian.
I may have read the chapter title in the voice of Yosemite Sam.
8434324
Some day, I will write a sequel to one of my one-shots.
8434645
Can't say I know who that is.
8434653
Wait, really? Yosemite Sam. A gun happy member of the Looney Toons. One of his famous bits with Bugs Bunny was a western bit.
Bugs: Now, just a minute, Pard'nar! You can't talk to me like that! Thems Fight'n words!
Sam: Yeah~, Thems Fight'n words.
Bugs: I dare ya to step over this line!
Sam: Okay, Imma stepp'n.
Really, the whole bit is classic. Look it up.
That friendship didn't last long, huh?
Over all it's a pretty good story, though it doesn't have a lot of real tension which lessens to emotional payoff. You did establish that there was an attraction despite their bickering, but it still felt a bit rushed. That also made the reveal that everypony else were expecting them to get together seem strange. I'd say this story feels like there's a lot of context missing, like it's several chapter's worth of development compressed into one, with some substantial and important material omitted. Again, it's not bad, but a bit weak in the storytelling.
The rules of contests forbid me from reading this before the contest is over...
8434825
I was trying to make it a comedic theme that everypony they talked to knew already and didn't care, as if the drama they stirred up was pointless. I suppose I didn't emphasize that well enough.
8434962
Please look at it early for me?
8435035
Yeah, I could pretty much tell what you were going for, but I think that sort of thing would need a longer and more involved plot to set up.
Also, on a personal note, I'm not sure I find that sort of thing especially funny to begin with. I actually think it would be more amusing if their friends completely misunderstood what was going on and were like: "We need to get those two to get along better before they strangle each other or something!"
8435039
I'm not part of the contest's management or anything. I'm a potential competitor. I just can't look at the competition until the deadline is met.
8435473
Whatever floats your boat.
Was a nice read.
Really liked it.