Epileptic-autistic eldest of four, artist, creative, and horse crazy girl who is obsessed with entertainment media and history among other things.
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Pinkie is the princess of the candy kingdom. She has to marry King Cheese to keep both of their kingdoms out of disarray. Can she rule her subjects with grace and flare and sugar rushes while making sure they're satisfied with her choice to marry King Cheese? We'll just have to wait and see.
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I feel like this story idea should have a horror tag. Nothing more terrifying than being eaten alive.
8380100
It doesn't seem like the ponies are actually made out of candy in this version? It isn't an Adventure Time crossover.
8380100
There's nothing scary about this story, I don't understand where you're coming from.
8380196
I never claimed it was a crossover.
im just... i have no idea what to say im just so confused
In Slice of Life, it's stated that it's called martrimony.
8381029
Stop being picky over wording. Every wedding includes the phrase holy matrimony.
8381043
Well, it doesn't really affect the story, so I guess it's fine.
The writing itself is rather good...however the problem I have with this story is it's not terribly well developed.
For instance, we are thrust into this totally different world without any kind of transition or backstory. As if the reader is assumed to have knowledge of this Universe from a different fanfic or something. Like who are the inhabitants of this Universe, BESIDES Pinkie's Court? Where is the rest of the Mane 6? Do they even exist? What about the rest of the MLP Cast?
Second of all, I am seeing multiple counts of "Telling, NOT showing". We are TOLD that Cheese Sandwich's kingdom is in peril, but we are shown no evidence. We are TOLD that Pinkie loves Cheese, but it's not even clear he loves her back. Hell all we get is a short generic scene of Pinkie being happy, WITHOUT even throwing confetti or ANYTHING particularly crazy.
Thus while your story isn't bad per say...it falls too flat to really consider it "Good".
What this story lacks is some real world building, as it stands your story doesn't feel "Real" as much as vague and empty
Mage Twilight
Lady in Waiting Starlight
Fluttershy is still Fluttershy
I will introduce the rest later on...
8389939
Raritus is Rarity
Captain Rainbow Dash of the Regal Flying Team
8389808
I added a backstory. You're welcome.