Picking up a little over a year from the Royal Canterlot wedding, Applebloom and her friends are visited during a sleepover by none other than the royal princess of the night, Luna. The cutie mark crusaders agree to journey through the Everfree forest to retrieve an object that Luna says could hold great power... and possibly even help them on their way to finding out their special talents. Joining them will be some unlikely allies who might have different motives than just simply helping out.
Along the way their friendship will be tested time and time again as ancient powers struggle to fend them off and keep them from their ultimate goal.
Chapters (8)
This does actually sound interesting. Added to read later!
This seems pretty good so far. I'm interested in seeing where it'll end up going from here.
I didn't notice any spelling mistakes, but there was an uncapitalised scootaloo somewhere in there, as well as an uncapitalised i.
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Yeah I'll be the first to admit that I have some pretty bad eyes when it comes to noticing things like proper capitalization. xD
I try reading over anything I write several times in hopes of catching at leat 90% of the errors but sometimes I fail.
Thank you for reading though! :D
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Good start though there are some production value problems. Mostly because you split your paragraphs between a combination of indents and various spacing. You need to choose one and stick with it. Also a beta reader helps. I got two by just posting in my comments section, and there are groups to search on also.
A lot of the paragraph indents are my fault cause i typed this out on my ps3 and the browser isnt very...accomodating, sadly the tab button on my keyboard is busted too, i do definitely need pre readers and stuff though x_x
OH YEAH! the journey begins
hope Luna can get what she needs with this accident prone foals
more adventure!
Diamond and Scootaloo are going to get all of them killed
I'm willing to bet that scootaloo has probably got them almost killed a couple of times, she doesnt seem like the type of pony to think ahead :P
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Like somepony we know
I see Luna. I see crazy crusading on the horizon. I see trouble making by DT and SS. Plus some Pip on the side? I see me reading this story to the end. On to chapter 2!
Curiousier and curiousier. Let's see what happens in the hallow.
nice, been waiting for this to update
haha I'm sorry
Got wrapped up in some other writing projects on top of video games and life
I'm back now, with my beloved ponies
I'm just waiting to see what happens next.
This story is actually over, they got what Luna wanted them to retrieve and they've grown a bit closer to each other in the process, I even think Diamond might care just a teensy weensy bit about those other fillies, even if they are dorks
If my readers (all 5 of you :P) want me to I was thinking about writing a line of stories all centered on the CMC's and their whacky adventures
This was a good story. I hope these six grow closer because of the adventure they just had. For some reason, I get the feeling this story was the beginning of something bigger. If I'm mistaken (it won't be the first time
), sorry for reading too much in to this.
Again, good job with this story.
I left it somewhat ambiguous for that reason, so that I could build on it a bit if there was some amount of demand for that. I'd love to continue writing about those little ponies as they grow up a bit!
I am now on Chapter 4 and I really like what I am reading! The bit with the soldier gave me the warm fuzzies, and actually made me feel a bit kinder towards Diamond Tiara.
Okay, not much; but I'd be less inclined to punt her off a cliff.
Minor spelling, capitalization and punctuation errors, but they are few and far between.
Shadow creatures are the best enemies. If only the actual show would incorporate a few, since I think they could work, since they aren't too scary for kids. They're more like... eerie. Incredibly eerie. I was picturing this scene in my head, and I have to say, if done correctly, a movie of this part would be able to be downright creepy without breaking the typical MLP kid-friendly feel. Good work.
Of course, anypony who likes Ico, like I do, would probably have an affinity for shadow creatures. And in an ancient ruin? This would be a totally awesome episode if it was real.
Oh, ponyfeathers.... this gives me that same feeling when you're trapped in Ico, and the ghouls start appearing.
Man, if anypony makes an MLP video game, I want this to be canon.