• Member Since 11th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 21st, 2020

Punished Venom Muddy


"More content soon™" -said before disappearing for months

Comments ( 14 )

What is that thing in the picture?

I like it. This story has potential but I would solely ask for you to either hire an editor or reconsider your word choice. Grammar was sub-par but your spelling and occasional deletion of a few letters that were vital to the sentence made it pretty dull. You have great inspiration and I hope you get better, but for now I suggest that you research more about your wording and making sure to double check that you haven't missed any letters. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me ramble... :twilightsheepish:

A Grammar Nazi :ajsleepy:,
Charlotte (Nyxie)

8356310
No, thank you!

I have trouble with grammar and spelling, pretty much relying on autocorrect to get the spelling right. As for grammar, well... that's a different problem all-together. I mostly just write and do very little editing and/or reviewing before publishing (bad habit I know, sorry). I don't really have anyone that I can rely on to be an editor as I haven't really gained enough ground here and don't really have anyone I want to share my stories with (outside of everyone on this site of course). This comment alone probably has grammatical and spelling errors in it.

Overall, thanks for the advice and I'll try to look over my stories a bit better.

Thanks.

~Muddy

Don't really like the ending but everything else was great!

8356582
Sorry, by the time I had gotten to that point I had given up and wanted no chance for any kind of requests for a sequel or spinoff with Sgt. Yung.

Glad you enjoyed it though!

it was good but you didn't give twilight enough reactions, like she did nothing when her captain said her friend Zecora was a monster, also unless the Everfree is way bigger then i thought they wouldn't be sending out so many ponies, for a massive forest sure but the show always made that forest seem medium, i would think sending 20 at most unless they were sure that it was a grave threat and maybe that the denizens of the Everfree are much more powerful then armed ponies

8357051
Thanks for the feedback, ill keep it in mind if i ever do something like this again

Enjoyed it. Conversations where flat though, ending sucked as well. A paragraph saying he was honorably discharged with a purple heart or something would of worked better.

8434454
I had kind of lost interest in the story by the end and just wanted it finished. I had really focused on writing gore with this story, so I will admit that the dialogue was pretty shit

8356256
Honestly, I came here primarily because of the picture. Good job, I guess.

Loved the ending to

8449493
Thanks, good to know that the image worked.

"W-why should I help you, you're a murderer!" She exclaimed, struggling against you. You responded by pushing the blade a bit harder, drawing a bit of blood and eliciting a yelp of pain.

LIKE YOU, I mean you did order clearence for what was essentially a small a-bomb, wiping out the entire forest and killing its inhabitants, causing a mass extinction of manticores, cockitrices, hydra, and many more, as, by our knowledge from the show, only inhabited the Everfree, and even if some did survive they would have needed to move somewhere else, causing entire ecosystems to be invaded, and lets not forget Zecora, she probably didn't get a warning, and Fluttershy is probably going to hate to the ends of eternity, if she isn't dead of course

"With all due respect Princess, only monsters live in the Everfree. Nothing out here is innocent, not even your friend the Zebra" Iron Heart said, giving Twilight another bow.

Yeah...

You can go fuck yourself iron heart

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