Brother Thane, the newest addition to the Blood Angels Chapter, is finally ready to serve his first tour for the Emperor. It is anything but ordinary as he learns the violence of war, makes desperate alliances and discovers the secrets of Equestria. How do the ponies accept a super soldier built for war and nothing else? How do Space Marines handle the harmless, but still alien, ponies of this world? Can either side stand up to the rigors of the grim darkness of the 41st millennium?
Chapters (8)
You have peaked my interest sir. Definitely a good start, I didn't see any noticeable errors so I'd say this is a solid opening chapter.
If Brother Thane was voiced, what would he sound like?
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Picture an 18 year old US marine fresh out of training. He thinks he is the best because of his superior mental and physical abilities. Skilled as he is, he is not very experienced. Any veteran will be quick to put him in his place. His big talk will only get him as far as his novice skills will out in the wild. I met several folks like this in basic training. One guy in particular, his attitude changed when faced with an actual drill sergeant. Away from authority, however, his pride swells back up and eats him up. Arrogant with this idea that he has something to prove.
Finally, a crossover when the blood ravens get to equestria and not the ultramarines. Not that i don't like them
The emperor is pleased
Dragons V Space Marines! Place your bets!
8426229
Thanksfully, Blood Ravens are everywhere...
So, the Blood Angels were here before? I'd like to know a bit more about that, especially how Celestia convinced them to leave and why they returned.
I see you are building the tension and lore nicely. But is Luna's form an illusion I wonder? Or is there more to it? What she described made me wonder if Equestria was once an Eldar planet or Craftworld of some sort.
Ok this looks really interesting.
Ok and your doing great so far.
8341890
Also astarties are indoctrinated at the age that teens think they are invincible and can take on the world to think that they are and threat as a space marine nothing can stand against them.
Wait is Luna an eldar or is she a pony or what. Also pinkie and an astarite teaming up that sounds amazing.
well crud necrons, i honestly did not see that coming. looking back i probably should have but i honestly though chaos since discords a being of chaos.
Necrons...not good. But that might explain the presence of an Eldar, if Equestria housed Necrons that this Eldar might have been guarding them.
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Maybe the Chaos gods find Discord like an annoying cousin, so they just keep away from him.
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you might actualy be on to something there. i mean discord is able to manipulte the material world as if it was the warp, thats some pretty insane levels of chaos powers there. and i mean he seems content there so instead of having another rival they may just be fine letting do his own thing. might also explaine why no other chaos forces try to attack the planet they dont want to give discord a reason to come back and be a potential rival. i mean you dont see korn or nurgal manifest in the material world and complelty screw with physics, so yeah someone that powerful might be best left alone.
how can he be losing so much blood when he has a Larraman's Organ?
I suspected the Princesses were trained by the Eldar, not actually Eldar. But the clues were there, I just didn't put them together until now. Bravo Sir.
The new enemies are definitely Necrons
so are you thinking about exploring this world any more. like whats repercussions of this story.
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I was thinking of making more stories based on this. Sequels, prequels, side stories, that sort of thing. I'm thinking an origin story wouldn't go amiss.
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that would honestly be pretty cool. would love to see more.
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also ive always had a cool story idea that i think you could work in here. so celestia rules over all the light touches in equestria but what about that which lurks underground. have a side story focus on the bat ponys and before luna went nightmare, she had them secretly remember and record alot of the real dangers in the galaxy and bloody history, and hid the knowledge and records underground beyond where the sun light touches. i mean the reason the batpony are a perfect tribe to help continue the story with is that we know there are canon but we never really ever see them, even in the background. so ive always just assumed they sided with luna and were punished after she lost. and since there bats it could make sense that they would have underground cities and are more isolated which is why we never see any of there colonies on a map. then after a harsh punishment from celestia they became a bit bitter and more skeptical of the rest of the nation, rather to just keep to themselves which explains there lack of involvemnt in the rest of equestrias affairs. if it doesent directly effect them there not going to get involved kinda like the eldar. also due to there isolated stance most of the other powers either forgot they are there are just figure they wont get involved if left alone. this could also let you have them be a bit more technologicaly advance than the rest of the country, like have them be the industrial wing of equestria which would explain where all the weapons, trains, and metal comes from and this could also let you have them develope some actualy equestrian weapons in secret since no one really pays attention to them. like i always had and idea for a lightning cannon or melee weapon that uses storm clouds. or if you do have them live undergound that would make them tunnel fighters so chemical weapons could also work.
just an idea to maybe use in future stories.
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space marine EASY