The Other Siren

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Told from Sonata's point of view, this story sees her reflect upon herself and her sisters, and their life together. Sonata knows she's different, it's a part of her. Even so, she can't help who she is.

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Comments ( 6 )

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NaiadSagaIotaOar

NaiadSagaIotaOar #1 · Jul 22nd, 2017 · 1 · ·

I’m kind of torn on what to think about this story. Not terribly fond of Sonata being as sympathetic as you’ve portrayed her, so I’ll admit to being biased, but it feels like this would make for a good scene - or at least a good topic for a scene - in a larger story but doesn’t really stand on its own. In particular, Sonata seems completely unrepentant in the movie, while you seem to imply that she was already conflicted at that point and there’s no concrete justification for what made her change.

This paragraph, I think, really illustrates what my problem with the story was:

But as time drew on, and we were thrown out of not only our home, but our world as well, I began to see them for what they truly were. Black-hearted witches that did not simply thrive on the pain of others., but rather, they relished in it as well.

How did she begin to realize that? If they’re her sisters, that implies that she’s been going along with them basically all her life, which might be an awful lot of time to overcome. This is something that might have benefited from being expanded on; as it is, it’s really handwavey and vague. I’m sure it’s possible that she’d slowly come to realize what’s really going on, but it doesn’t make for a terribly interesting story if there’s as little substance to such a noteworthy revelation as you gave. Looking at the end, what you’ve written seems like it fits into the context you probably imagined, but that doesn’t automatically make it compelling.

Like I said, I think you could make a good story out of this. It would be nice to see this topic explored in more detail. What you’ve got felt more like a summary of a larger story than one that’s complete in its own right. That larger story could be a powerful one, but this summary of it wasn’t. Not for me, at least.

Always glad to see more people writing about the Sirens, though, and I do like some of the language you use. If you do end up writing more about them, I’ll be interested in reading it.

Anyway, I hope you find all this helpful!

TheEveryDaySparkle

TheEveryDaySparkle #2 · Jul 22nd, 2017 · 1 · ·

8315787
I appreciate your criticism. You sound like someone else who said basically the same thing as you. If I am to assume, You basically said that this story is incomplete as it is. Well, this story was meant to be less of a full story and more of a take on a sort of what if scenario. The last line was meant to tie in with what I originally thought this was going to turn into. I will admit I was trying to gain a bit of a reaction out of the people who read it, but that's all stories.

NaiadSagaIotaOar

NaiadSagaIotaOar #3 · Jul 23rd, 2017 · · ·

8315843
Yes, that’s a good way to sum up what my general reaction is. It felt like enough of a glimpse into the scenario to be intriguing, but not enough to really get a reaction (I mean, it obviously gave enough of a reaction to justify a 300-ish word comment, but I doubt my reaction was the one you were going for). I’d be very curious to know what the original idea was, if that’s something you’d be willing to share.

TheEveryDaySparkle

TheEveryDaySparkle #4 · Jul 23rd, 2017 · 1 · ·

8316010
My original idea was slightly less sappy. It was supposed to explore how Sonata felt about being stupid. (Or rather, being considered stupid by the other dazzlings)

The Forgotten Siren