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  • 15w, 4d
    Thanks for the 2.5K views.

    Chapter 9 is arriving soon.  I'm really sorry it took so long, but I promise the next few won't take nearly as long.

    I was 2/3rds done with Chapter 9 before editing, and I had over 10 words.  I decided that that was too much, and split it in two, wrote some more, then split it in three.  This third split resulted in a completed chapter that just now needs to be edited.  It's about time we visited Twilight.

    So yes.  Soon.

    3 comments · 26 views
  • 19w, 1d
    I'm getting into my first MOBA ever. Join me in Adventure Time Battle Party!

    You can play it here.  My name is Wondrous Rhombus.  I play this when I should be writing my college application letter, or worse, Modulation's next chapter.

    0 comments · 18 views
  • 29w, 20h
    I just want to say thanks.

    2000 total views came and went, and I recently broke 700 views on my chapter one.  79 readers have stuck with me, and to you 79 readers I thank and adore you so much.  Here's an update for you.

    I took a break from writing.  For a few months, I'd come home and edit.  It was all I did for hours, and I'd go to sleep wake up do stuff and come home to edit.  So many revisions, mostly because I am an amateur.  After getting chapter 8 out and having the intro to 9 written, I wanted to take a break.  On top of that, I was lent a book I hadn't finished after 6 months, and I wanted to give that back to the owner.

    Now, I'm back.  I'm re-examining chapter 9 to try and cut the length down, and make it more focused.  Then, we shall find out how Lyra is enjoying staying with her parents.

    Again, thank you so much!

    2 comments · 43 views
  • 41w, 1d
    Chapter 8 is written, awaiting editing. Chapter 9 has begun.

    Chapter 8 was incredibly difficult for me.  I had to really work on a certain character's background to ensure that she was acting according to who she was.  I went back and forth on her so much, and I really hope she becomes her own character.

    Chapter 9 will reunite us with our favorite most hated purple unicorn.  It's about time,  ain't it?

    0 comments · 41 views
  • ...
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Source

Shaken from watching her friends succumb to Discord's tricks and Chrysalis' deception, Twilight Sparkle decides that the Elements of Harmony should be more than ready for the next threat, whatever that threat may be.  When her eagerness to be prepared yields a grave mistake with consequences reaching farther than the Elements can imagine, all Tartarus breaks loose.  It will take finding the truth of the Elements to have any hope in fixing their transgressions, and their friendships.  From the littlest filly to the Heavenly Goddesses themselves, everypony's way of life hinges on a group of mares who may not have it all together.  

Lyra is a young mare returning to the capital for business instead of pleasure after a falling out with her closest friend.  Pressured by all those who love and care for her, she's on a journey of self discovery and ascension.  Assigned the task of becoming truly independent and learning how to make her way in the world, the only thing standing in her way is herself.  That, and the world falling apart around her.

Cover art by Cold Revenge {Deviantart}

First Published
2nd Aug 2012
Last Modified
20th Aug 2014
Comment posted by ProBrony deleted at 2:24pm on the 14th of December, 2013

...

Fucking brutal.

More.

>>1017339

I hope I can live up to your blood lust, however you may have to wait.

>>1018953

I noticed an uncomfortable amount of grammar errors. Would you like a proofreader?

>>1019665

I may have accidentally uploaded the wrong version, but that would be nice.  Message me?

>>1019792

I`ll send you a version tommorow. Can`t send via phone.

Aaand formatting issues are gone!  How glorious!  

More?

Sorry I couldn't help out, this slipped my mind... :fluttercry:

~G

>>1146884

I'm gonna level with you.  There is more, but everyone I'm asking to review it is busy.  Chapter 2 is written, 3 has been started, and a fair number have been planned.

>>1146895

I can review it, if you want. But, with summer school and all that...

Meh, school can go screw itself there are ponies to be had. PM me or email me.

~G

Read. When are you going to send me chapter 3?

*Munches on popcorn* This is getting good!

I'm under the horrible suspicion that my style choice in the opening chapter is turning people off.  That's rather unfortunate, as it was intentional.

I don't understand how the writing style would turn people off. It's written very well. The idea is very interesting as well.

>>1205372  Thank you.  I decided to remove the disclaimer because of you.

You have contradicting genre tags. An adventure story can not be slice-of-life, those two are pretty much opposites. Now I just have to actually read the story...

>>2041371 If I only had the first two chapters up, you'd be right.  However, with chapters 3 and forward, I've elected to choose those tags.  I'll probably remove one of them as time goes on, but it was indeed my explicit intent to have those tags as they fit the story I'm telling.  Thanks for reading :twilightsheepish:

Ok, first chapter done, so lets get on with the the review shall we?

Name of story: Modulation by probrony

Grammar score 9 out of 10

Pros: The story premise is interesting as it seems like Twilight wants to do more to protect the world she lives in

Twily, Dash, and AJ feel in great character

Love the decription of the Rainboom.

Cons: I felt like Fluttershy felt a little too bitter about being rejected for the test.

Twilight felt a little too eager to go for, "Magic overload, make armor"

I find it odd, that they have a book of weapons that no pony decided to look into until now.

Notes:

On the subject of your story, see I like to give a fic at least one to two chapters before reeling me in and you succeeded. I like that Twilight is trying an active role in trying to defend Equestria by training herself.

That being said, sometimes I feel like she jumped to "using Rainboom" A bit too suddently, maybe you could have added, "I have tried every other way to increase my own strength on it, but I failed."


Well, you've got me hooked with the first paragraph. I was recently raging at another author about "Show, don't tell", but your telling shows showing can be better told through showing with telling, and it's shown me telling can be a sign of great showing.:twilightblush:

but the she parchment covered most writing surfaces.  Cringing, they exchanged nervous glances.
This was very odd! I hadn't noticed ANY mistakes till this point. Maybe drop "nervous" as well. It's pretty clear what they look like with cringing glances.

of  applebucking her orchid alone last year.  It left her seeing all sorts things.
double spaced, missing "of"

I’ve be since dawn!Dragons
I think, at this point, you may have uploaded a non-final edition by accident. None of these are big deals, and I'm too excited by the story to care. This is PERFECTLY balanced on the edge of dark, and it's highlighting show problems without mocking them, and the tension's wracking me to the core.

exoskele-whatnows
I'm enjoying the lunchbreak. It's great exposition, and well-described (Or it may be I'm drinking tea right now). But just to nitpick: Applejack probably knows the word "skeleton", and if I had lived my life without being a nerd, I be more confused about "exo". The closest sound, imho, is "Wax-Skeleton"

OH...oh this is not going to end well is it...

popcorn.gif

Wow. When you say "dark", you don't buck around.

Still, this seems to be going a little far. My general response to situations like this to think about how it could have been prevented, and I get a little angrier every time I find something that should have stopped this. I've got to read on, but if Rarity's literally dead because Twilight doesn't know how to test a spell properly, I'll be extremely disappointed by the lack of characterization.

I mean really, if spells can do this sort of horrible damage without the caster being aware of what they were doing, it would've happened often enough for preventive measures to be developed. And if those measures were developed and presented to inform the magical community, then the EGGHEAD of all people would know every precaution, and certainly wouldn't test a spell on a friend without...

Gah, you get the picture. I'm moving on to the next chapter.

All of the sudden the piece became wild.

Cue Miserlou on Youtube

I feel like the first 2 chapters are a mistake. As much as I love the writing and the build up and the anguish, none of that is paying off. This story could be much more interesting if you establish Lyra as a main character first, and then leave bits and pieces like the guard's conversations, Twilight appearing covered in blood, and so on scattered around for her to uncover.

I assume they eventually meet, but right now I've got this queasy, rotting feeling in the pit of my stomach from the unresolved murder of Rarity, and that dark voice isn't being being explained. Despite those being my most pressing concerns, let's go to Lyra, who's in Canterlot learning what it means to be mature.

I can't tolerate the distance you're putting between what I see as the important bits of the story, and that's not including the next few months, hopefully by which time you release more chapters. If the recent stuff was told by itself, I'd be invested and patient, because it's a really well-written story of coming home and balancing expectations and all that, but COME ON, a main character got EXPLODED and we're over here discussing how hard it is to live up to your dreams?

You've got micro down, take some time to work on your macro.

I know a Chekhov's gun when I see it.

That unfinished letter is still in the forest and will return later, more important than ever.

Wow, talk about a late comment...

And now I'm wondering if that zombie thing is a side-effect of Twilight's spell somehow. Guess we'll have to wait and see!

Nice story, guy/guyette. I love it, and will wait patiently for the updates.

>>3297090

Thanks for reading.  I'm working on monthly updates.  I'm writing right now!  I'm glad you're still around.

My editor has been missing for the past month and a half.  Because of this, I'm looking for a new one, and Chapter 7 and 8 are being held up.  If you have read my story up till now and would like to help until he shows up again, please let me know.

>>3297090

Obviously, monthly updates was a lie.  However, a new chapter should be out within the week, if I can get editor to stop screwing around.

"Not again" what the fuck?

WHERE IS SHE TWILIGHT?  WHERE IS SHE, YOU WITCH?" I think you misspelled

BITCH?!!!?

The veteran stepped up and got nose to nose with the doctor, who kept that smile on her face.

What? Did Doctor Haydon just get gender-swapped in the middle of a sentence?

Anyway, nice chapter. So Vinyl "has no choice" about getting to enjoy classical music, huh? Might she be in cahoots with a certain classy earth pony?

I'm really wondering how in the world this plotline will link back up with Twilight's. The only way this seems likely is by having Twilight suddenly burst into Lyra's life without warning, and that doesn't seem very plausible. She probably wouldn't go to Canterlot if she wanted to hide from the authorities and/or the princesses.

All that mysterious mystery of strange mysteries... I can't wait for the unraveling of all that mystery.

>>3625736

Hehe, whoops.  Good looking out, it's fixed now.  Dr. Haydon is not that magical.

The convergence will make all kinds of sense when it does happen.  Twilight's return is underway.  We're in it for the long haul, but I promise it will be worth it.

Thank you so much for reading.  

Wow, Pinkie. That's horrible...

Still, it's good to see what's going on back in Ponyville, even if it's horrendous.

A few grammar mistakes here and there though. I could hunt them down if you want.

wow, fucking coward.

>>4882691

Twilight, right?  I like to think everyone has a threshold where they chicken out, and the wrath of a living god is quite intimidating.:twilightoops:

Thanks for reading!:yay:

>>4883161 if the 'living god' was someone she didn't know, i could understand that. but as much as i hate to say it, she's like a second mother to twilight. if twilight had any sort of faith in her friend and teacher, she would have stayed behind to face the music. instead, she ran like a coward after murdering her friend. even though it was unintentional, murder is still murder. and yet instead of facing her punishment like a pony, she flees, leaving everything behind. whats spike supposed to do? his sister just killed the pony he loved, and then left him behind because she was scared. i'm still going to read this story, but mainly so i can see how she suffers and has this all blow up in her face even more than it already has.

>>4883213

You will be satisfied.:ajsmug:

>>4883213

People keep saying this, it makes excellent head-canon for Celestia to be a second mom. I doubt that people think such negative things about their mom as Twilight thinks about Celestia throughout the show.

>>4890835

You would be surprised the negative emotions one would have for their mother, trust me.  However, there's a reason why this is a big deal, it's not just random.  I try to have a reason for everything in my story.

>>4951529

There's normal negative and there's "she's going to banish me, then throw me in a dungeon where she banishes me" type of negative. :P

>>4955039

Honestly, that's the part of the series I hope people remember when they read Twilight feaking out.  I hope they remember that and the fact that, if you notice, the Crystal Empire hasn't even appeared yet in this story.

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