An orphaned Rainbow Dash grows up raised by a group of assassins, trained to kill with stealth and efficiency from the age of eight. She keeps the secret from her friends well enough, but as she grows older, and as her friends slowly move away, the desire to settle the score with the dark cloaked assassin who killed her parents peaks. But not everypony is who they say they are, and a certain white unicorn is not helping to make her thoughts clearer.
Page generated in 0.066 seconds
Total duration
952 users online
582,427 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ok, so... this assassins guild "recruits" new members by killing their parents and then "adopting" them? Am I in the right ballpark here?
It's written to make you think that another assassin killed them, one outside of the organized group. It mentions it more later if you're confused.
I must say that I was quite surprised by this. At first I was leery about the story, but it is turning into something really good. I'm gonna track this. It looks good with only a couple of noticeable grammar errors. While its not the best I think this could go somewhere. The base of the plot is decent and is a nice change of pace. And your character choice is pretty awesome
Overall so far I give you a 4/5
-DJ-Otakon
Thanks for the feedback. This is my first attempt ever at writing a story, so expect a few bumps from roughed out plot development. I've learned a lot while I wrote this, and will be releasing more stories after I'm done this one. :D
Alright, I'm sorry.
My story has run in to many problem in planning, as I wrote out most of it as I went along so far. No excuse.
Tomorrow I shall be completely redoing chapters 1 and 2.
This is just to patch up any confusion that might be introduced when I introduce new elements in chapter four and onward.
Thanks for the support I have gotten so far. :D
good work, but there were some small errors, like in chapter 3 were you said "Raised her arm". If you need a pre-reader or editor I could do it for you.
'Tis fine, after all this is your own story you can edit it to your liking.
It is only mostly small errors, but I must agree the story would probably benefit from some pre-planning.
You are doing a good job definitely for a first write. I'm still running into issues with my own project at the moment, but I'm sure that It'll eventually come along. Like I said in my previous comment, I'm tracking this 'cus I like where it is going. If you need a prereader or a proofreader shoot me a pm or an email. I'd be glad to help out.
-DJ-Otakon
intriguing. continue. oh, and first.
getting a darkbrotherhood vibe. intentional?
Not really. I'm just doing what I feel. I've pretty much abandoned this project until further notice, so don't expect any updates. XD
And Twilight has a thing for books