Rainbow Dash has no experience in dealing with doctrines nor demons. In fact, she doesn't have any knowledge of their existence. When she is thrust head first into a steadily building catastrophe, she will have to put her life on hold in an attempt to do her civic duty.
Discord, however, has a history with these creatures, being almost as ancient as them, but after three and a half thousand years encased in stone, he is feeling a little stiff. He also doesn't want to be stiffed, knowing that one of the ponies who incarcerated him in the first place will not release him lightly; not without an ace in her mane. Especially not Luna, she disliked him especially.
Luna knows a great deal of the past: Centuries of research and innumerous amounts of time spent delving into magics that no unicorn could hope to perform has allowed her that luxury.
The princess realises that those who do not learn from the past are destined to repeat it. She also wonders which of her companions will be the most difficult to control. The only thing she knows for certain is that her sister cannot catch wind of the situation arising, nor of her plans to suppress it.
If Celestia found out, Equestria would never survive.
***
"It has been theorised that this great land once had another ruler, one that shaped and molded it into the place we now know. One far older than our fair princesses and those who came before them, one that breathed our ancestors to life. Of course, no amount of theological discussion can lead to any concrete evidence, and the teleological debates regarding the extrinsic value of our own land and technology is inconclusive also. Epistomologically, we must assume that there is no greater power than the entities which we are aware of, until it is shown otherwise."
Swirl, Star. The Extrinsic Elements of Metaphysics: A Compendium of Theory and Conjecture. Canterlot, Royal Canterlot Library, 2988 ND. 3rd edition.
Very interested to see where this goes.
8254835
Thank you very much! I've read one or two of your stories before, and as such hope that you'll enjoy my interpretation of Discord. I have big plans for this story, I hope they're appreciated!
AAIQU
I like the pacing and characterisation quite a bit. I can't wait to see how this turns out!
8255985
Thanks a bunch! Getting the characterisation and unique perspectives right means a lot to me, so I'm glad you're enjoying that.
I'm making an effort to keep updates frequent, so hopefully you won't have to wait long to find out!
AAIQU
Nice beginning, I especially like your way of writing Luna. If she's afraid, it means there is a really large threat at hoof. The very beginning was nice and truly poetic, though due to that also quite lenghty. I don't mind that, but I reckon that it's not very hooking for the reader because of that. I'll see how that turns out in the next chapters.
Really good chapter!
Your interpretation of both Luna and RD is solid and believable, their classy and brash behaviour creating an interesting mix ("We!"). Also, I like how you build in the show references - this RD's ability is not tackled very often in stories. And of course, some answers, mysteries and a heap of questions.
8257421
Thanks very much man, it's always nice to hear your opinions. Of course, hearing your praise for my Luna is great too, considering you've written her more than I have! (This isn't my first attempt, she makes a small cameo in Opinions, but that's season 7 Luna, entirely different to write.) But yes, Luna wouldn't worry over something small, even if she's pretty adept at hiding it.
I'm glad you appreciated the opening, I do realise it wasn't exactly snappy, and may have been a little verbose, but I'd hope that there's something there to entice the reader. Of course, there will always be the occasional reader who isn't a fan of those openings, but my long description will probably put most of those people off, due to how, well,long it is!
AAIQU
8257469
Always glad to see readers enjoying these things! I'll admit, the royal we can take a little time to get used to as a writer, I've slipped up with it once or twice already, but of course, corrected those mistakes.
I felt there was a glaring lack of stories depicting recently redeemed Luna and early Rainbow Dash, had to fix that! Also, as for show references, I'll assume you're talking about either Luna's future predicting abilities, or Rainbow's powerful senses and memory. Both of these are often overlooked, and I'm glad to have a reason to include them in the story, although you already saw the latter touched upon in BTLTCB, I believe?
More answers will come as the story progresses, but with those, more questions.
Just not so many as to warrant an actual mystery tag.AAIQU
8257512
You're welcome
Though honestly, I don't consider myself a "master" in writing her. The show has never really focused on her thoroughly, so it's up to everyone to find a character they like in her.
Really nice snippet of the two princesses being sisters, grapes are a wonderful weapon
Maybe a little cliched, but the conductor scene was good as well!
I loved that last bit; I wish I could write comedy with such ease.
8259558
They are, indeed! Glad that you enjoyed it.
The sisters scene or the conductor scene was cliched? Regardless, I'm happy you liked it!
8260121
I wish I could write it with ease too, believe it or not! Very glad that you found it funny though, thank you!
AAIQU
8260217
You're welcome!
The conductor one. At least I feel that character yelling random stuff that's on their mind for comic relief is kind of overused
Seriously, I really think this story deserves a 'Mystery' tag. All this excursion into the thought magic was really nice, well-constructed and understandable. You also tackled the funny side of it here and there. Still, there are more and more questions floating about, most of the new ones concerning Rainbow's (mental) abilities...
Bleeding is not a good sign.
That last line sounds really ominous. Was that intentional?
I was wondering how they were going to release Discord without him trying to regain control over Equestria...Good to know
8263148
A mystery tag is an idea, maybe, but I don't plan for mystery to be one of the most prevalent themes all the time, I feel the other tags are more applicable, for now at least. I may change my mind in future!
I'm really glad to hear that you found the thought magic easy to follow, I had a lot of fun writing it and when I was finished sat wondering if I had communicated it effectively, to the point that I considered going and finding someone to pre-read it, but then I just went ahead and posted it because I'm impatient. Risk paid off, it seems!
Some of those questions should be answered in the next chapter, I'm sure you'll find!
AAIQU
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It typically isn't!
8283178
It does, doesn't it? Everything's intentional, my friend! Hope you're enjoying so far.
AAIQU
8286579
Heh, could have been a pretty nasty problem otherwise, huh? Could you imagine Luna having to deal with that on top of everything else? Let's pray that never happens.
AAIQU
An excellent story so far, and right up my alley. You wouldn't believe how few adventure epics there are centered solely around Rainbow Dash. It seems only Twilight gets those stories because she has magic or some such.
As many have said, I've really enjoyed the characterization thus far. Luna is very well done, still a bit unsure of herself and adapting to the new world, but still powerful and determined. Rainbow is also very well done, though some of her speech seems to be a little more verbose than I would expect. That's not to say that I think she should be stupid, far from it; I hope to see her character grow to be multi-faceted. Too many authors just stick with the 'I'm awesome! And super blunt! And do things without thinking! Haha!', shtick, which gets old really quick. It's a very shallow characterization, and quite frankly an insult to Rainbow potential as a character, I think it's just harder to write her intelligently because you wouldn't want to sacrifice her outward traits. At least in my own experience. But I don't think you'll have a problem with that. So far Rainbow has been inquisitive and logical to an extent (her analysis of Luna's magic comes to mind), but not to detriment of her character. Really looking forward to seeing her character grow.
I really can't wait for Discord's characterization. Hoping for more on the villainous side. Or perhaps an enemy of my enemy is my friend attitude, if Luna is correct and Discord wishes to fight his former masters.
I'm curious to see where Luna goes during all this. I might be reading into it too much, but I wonder if the Nightmare is still involved with her. The song she sung to Rainbow seemed to hint to it.
I sense a lot of world building on the horizon, which I love in an adventure story. Beings older and more powerful than the Alicorns or even Discord? Even better, they were created by these beings? What history transpired? How was Discord involved? Are we looking at the prospect that Luna and Celestia were also created? What history does Celestia have in this that is preventing Luna alerting her? And what hidden power makes Rainbow so special? I'm hoping it goes beyond the Element of Loyalty, or if not, a greater explanation. Stories like The Powers of Harmony and Harmony Theory come to mind about stories that expand on the mysteries of the Elements.
So, long story short, I'm looking forward to more.
A comment both for this and the previous chapter:
I really liked the small war or words between Luna And Rainbow, helps to establish the forms of their character you are rolling with. Also, I really like 'Rainbow the Bearded', I wonder which color her facial hair would be
As for this chapter, Rainbow well summed up the first half or so for me:
It was a little bit more confusing than I'd like, but you mostly smoothened it up with the explanation later. Anyway, I wonder how long will it be till something happens with certain spirit finding a hole in their plan.
I have four questions.
when the guard says thirty seconds, would that mean he was counting or was he estimating how long she was like that?
Do I see a reference here?
aren't the guards supposed to be less prone to fear? they are supposed to be the second to go into battle (when the Elements aren't needed)
and lastly, I saw this post, I will do what I can if you'd like my help.
8301655
Oh, I'd believe it! This is one of the reasons I chose to wrote this in the first place, actually. I'd searched and searched for a Rainbow epic that caught my interest, and found them to be pretty scarce! Made me think it ought to be fixed.
Thank you! The characterisation is very important to me, I like to craft my characters into something authentic that the reader can really care about, but not limit myself to the traits expressed by the show. It's a delicate balance between making a character a caricature, and making them completely OOC, and I try my best to strike it just right! Rainbow is fairly more intelligent than she lets on, or even realises herself. Her capacity to memorise various things helps her pick up on all sorts, and you'd assume that included every "eggheaded" thing Twilight had ever said. Not to say that she's a genius, but she's very intuitive, and has a great mind for maths and science. Her memory is the reason she's retained so much of her geographical knowledge, though she never even notices the jargon her brain uses to explain this and that when she's doing her job.
I couldn't agree more. I've tried to relay this to other authors in the past, but a lot of them don't seem to pick up on what I'm saying. We see quite a bit of depth to Rainbow's character in multiple episodes (Testing, Testing, Tanks for the Memories, Newbie Dash etc.), episodes which make it clear that her problem isn't necessarily stupidity, but a mixture of naivety and some kind of attention deficit. She's also very impulsive, but that doesn't mean she can't stop and plan ahead sometimes. Rainbow is the kind of character that might act recklessly when in an emotional state, not so much otherwise unless she was very confident in what she was doing.
I'm looking forward to writing it! I've got big things planned for all three of these characters and the plot as a whole, we're still in the setup stage here. Act I hasn't even begun.
Perhaps you are. While we're on the subject though, you've reminded me that I need to fix some of that song. I had a conversation with another user (who knows his poetry better than I do), and he made some wonderful suggestions as to how I could edit it. I'll be digging those out, editing that (as well as sweeping the rest of the story for latent issues), then getting back into the swing of writing this.
You pose a lot of interesting questions in your penultimate paragraph, and I can happily say you'll get your answers to all of them eventually!
And I'm looking forward to writing more, especially when I get brilliant comments such as this one in response. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I've been trying to do a million things at once lately!
8303849
First off, thanks very much! Second, all the colours.
I was going for something confusing, disorienting, and difficult to understand, but if it was that bad, I'll have a look through the scene and consider revising it. No promises though!
Again, sorry it took me so long to respond!
8320293
In answer to your first question, the guard estimated.
In answer to number two, I didn't aim for any particular reference there, but I'm curious as to what you think it was referring to?
Of course they are, it'd probably take them a hell of a lot to be scared of the average pony. However, Luna isn't your average. An alicorn of her power could wipe the average royal guard from the face of existence with little effort, and they all know that. Remember, at this point she hasn't been back very long, and Luna Eclipsed hasn't taken place yet, ponies are still quite scared of her.
Besides that, maybe he fears for his job.
Your fourth question is 'would I currently like help with proofreading', I assume?
If so, I'd say it wouldn't be worth your time right now, considering how split I am between this and other projects. It's when I'm writing updates at a fast pace that a second pair of eyes really helps, otherwise I'm fairly confident in my ability to self edit, as I do with all of my stories, and always have up until now.
Of course, this isn't to say that I don't miss mistakes, I certainly do. However, I'd rather look for assistance when this story is once again receiving solid updates, rather than right now.
Speaking of which, I'd like to apologise for the lack of updates over the past month. I recently began working on multiple projects (some of which are listed here), and as a result I'm having to reorganise my priorities to make sure everything's getting done on time. Combine that with my personal life and the result is a fair amount of shit to do in very little time.
Luckily, I plan to pick up the pace with this story again soon! Thanks to everyone who is being patient, I'm eager to get back to writing this.
AAIQU
This is odd. Surreal. But those are the kind of things I like, and I like the characterization of Luna and Rainbow in this story, and how they play off one another. This is probably my favorite story by you thus far, and I really hope you continue it.
h e l p f u l 👍
Yay an update