I’ve got to say, Summer’s plan was pretty damn ballsy. She knew that there was no possible way we would be able to hunt down all of Melody’s informants before one of them got a message out, so she had decided to go about it in an entirely different way. Iron, however, did not seem to approve.
“No. There’s no way I’m letting you do this.” The minotaur stated firmly, crossing his arms and staring down at the unicorn.
“I’m sorry but when exactly did you become the boss of me?” She retorted, raising an eyebrow at him, “I don’t recall you ever being in the Guard, much less at a high enough rank to give me orders.”
“Summer, you’re planning to put yourself right in the line of fire here. It won’t be safe!” He continued to protest earning a snort of dispute from Summer.
“Safe? What is there about what we do that could be considered safe?!” I was very glad not to be on the receiving end of Summer’s wrath right now as the look in her eyes could probably burn a dragon. “I’m not some little filly, Iron, I can look after myself. Besides, so long as you two stick to the plan then I should be fine.”
“That’s not the point dammit!” He roared back, throwing one arm out in anger. “If they get to you then what? Eh? What amazing plan will you have to stop them then? What are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to...” He trailed off suddenly, his anger seeming to cool in an instant.
Summer gaze seemed to soften as well.. “I expect you to go on. If I do...fall out there then I expect you to end this. Save my city and help my father...if I can’t then please...” She left the rest unsaid. There was no need to put voice to such fears anymore.
The overly somber tone in the room was beginning to get depressing, so I decided to do something about it. “C’mon guys,” I said, walking up to them, “Sure, the plan may be ridiculously dangerous. Sure, we might all die in a painful manner. Sure, we are going up against odds that are so far out of our favour that some might accuse the universe of playing favourites against us.”
“Ace...just please get to the point. You’re really not helping.” Summer interrupted me with a patient, if slightly weary, smile.
“Right, right. Anyway, my point is, despite all these problems there is still one big advantage.” I put a hand on my friends respective shoulders and gave them my best serious look. “If we pull this off, it’s going to be totally badass.”
The others stared at me, confusion in their eyes. Eventually I began to feel a bit awkward and lowered my arms back to my sides, staring back at my friends. “What?” I asked.
“Ace, what does a misbehaving donkey have to do with anything?” Summer asked, honestly curious.
Now it was my turn to stare in disbelief at them, before eventually bursting into laughter and walking away. Cultural misunderstandings, the bane of my life. Funny story actually, I was once talking to this French girl in a bar and she didn’t speak very good English so...
Let’s just say that the word ‘baguette’ got a whole new meaning that night.
I quickly banished such thoughts from my head before any reminiscing could get a grip on me. Old thoughts may be sweet but there are more present problems to deal with.
“So we’re actually going ahead with this?” I asked, getting a firm nod from Summer.
“Definitely. Are you ready?” She replied.
I ran my thumb over the cards in my pocket, which would hopefully be a last recourse. “As I’ll ever be. Iron?”
He let out a resigned sigh and gave a shrug. “I don’t like it, but I’m not going to leave you hanging either. I’m in.”
“Sweet, let’s get going then.” I said, turning swiftly to leave.
As I exited out penthouse suite I heard Iron’s voice, usually gruff and businesslike, say something far more gently than I would expect of the huge minotaur.
“Summer...please...stay safe out there.”
I left before she made her response.
Summer had never believed herself to be very good with public speaking. She would much rather be chasing down some low-down criminal than making a big speech on a stage. However, whilst she wasn’t in her comfort zone right now, she was still far from a shivering wreck. Determination filled her heart as she looked down from the steps of the vandalised Guard house at what constituted the Manehatten Guard.
Well, at least she didn’t have to worry about an overly enthusiastic audience, or a very large one for that matter.
Before her stood four beings that were dressed in what could possibly be called a uniform, if you squinted enough and cocked your head at just the right angle. The only possibly similarity that could be drawn between them was that, somewhere upon their body, they had the shield-shaped badge of the Guard. Depressingly, Summer noticed that one of the guards had seemingly attempted to eat his badge. Even more depressingly was the fact that the soldier in question wasn’t even the diamond dog of the group. That particular specimen of ‘how not to be a guard’ had his jaw hanging wide open, displaying his huge teeth and allowing a slow puddle of drool to form below him.
Hank had been kind enough to hand her the troops ‘dossiers’ before she had come out to make her speech. Unfortunately the ‘dossiers’ were actually just notes that Hank had quickly scribbled down on the back of old receipts and contained information such as what their favourite brand of biscuits was and how many sugars they liked with their tea rather than any bits of useful, tactical information.
The aforementioned diamond dog was apparently known as Biter, known as such because of his love of biting stuff. Hank had seen fit to note that Biter had arrived in the city after being exiled from his clan after some slip up or another, the punishment for which was to be de-clawed and sent out into the world alone. Apparently that was why Biter relied on his teeth so much as they were the only weapon he had left. Also, he liked to eat his tea, mug and all.
The next in line was an earth pony and, whilst Summer was usually glad to have a member of the strongest, most reliable pony races watching her back, this particular pony looked like he would be more suited to watching the counter of a shop. Preferably a very quiet shop, with nothing overly sharp or dangerous in it. Basically, the pony looked like he would be as much use in a fight as an origami swan would be in defending against the Wonderbolts. The dossier had named him as Shivers, which pretty much told Summer everything she needed to know about him. It had also told him that he didn’t drink tea, preferring to stick to water. An odd bit of information but every bit helps when assessing new troops.
Her next Guard was the only one that was looking at her without either fear, curiosity or some combination thereof. It was a griffin, and the glare he was directing at her practically screamed the phrase ‘SMASH THE SYSTEM!’ If the red anarchy symbol that he had dyed into his dark grey feathers was any clue, Summer would guess that he had problems with authority. What he was doing in a usually strict institution like the Guard she would never guess. Also, his dossier said that he was called Dread, which Summer kind of doubted. No parent in the entire world, no matter what species they are, looks down at a cute little baby and thinks ‘yup, he definitely looks like a Dread to me. Just look at the rage-powered angst in those adorable little eyes.’ He, of course, liked his coffee black.
The last member of the disappointment brigade was an overweight pegasus who, all too appropriately, was called Trifle. Summer supposed that he might be called such because of his ability to bake desserts, a suspicion that was backed up by his cutie mark, a triple-layered trifle. However, a much more cynical pony might point out that he also deserves the name due to how he probably scoffs the treats down. Good thing Ace wasn’t around, he may be a brilliant thief but when it comes to tact the satyr was a bit lacking. Trifle seemed to liked his tea sugary and his biscuits in abundance, which came as no real surprise. His was the badge that was marked with teeth marks, indicating either some confusion over the metal badges material composition or a terrible time when there hadn’t been enough biscuits in the cupboards.
“Guards...beings.” Summer began, addressing the motley assortment in front of her. “I am sure you are confused as to why you have been called here, allow me to introduce myself. I am Corporal Summer Storm of the Equestrian National Guard and I have something very important to ask you...”
The wiry earth pony grunted as he heaved himself up onto the the roof on his chosen vantage point, grumbling to himself the entire time. He didn’t see why he had to be the one lugging around an unwieldy crossbow and climbing onto rooftops. Didn’t they have pegasi who could do this? You know, those ponies who were born with wings and could quite easily flap their feathery flanks up here.
He continued to mutter various pieces of profanity as he got into position, lying prone and aiming his bow down at the group that had collected in the courtyard of the old Guard house. Blowing some of his dirty mane out of his eyes, he aimed down the sight and drew a bead on the mare at the head of the group, who was speaking loud enough for even the assassin to overhear.
“Do you consider yourselves to be Guards?” The unicorn mare below bellowed out at her troops, causing the confused guards to look sideways at each other. The diamond dog even pulled of his badge and lifted it up to his eyes, slowly reading the inscription to make sure it did in fact say ‘guard’ on it.
“Erm...yes?” The chubby pegasus answered hesitantly.
“Then answer me this Private! What do you guard?” She demanded, stomping over to him.
He had begun to sweat furiously, causing an impressive cascade of liquid to roll down his body. “The...the city?” His response drew a chuckle from the griffin beside him, who looked eager to see the mare explode at the pegasus.
“Correct Private!” The griffin stopped his laughter immediately as the mare turned on him. “What do you find so funny Private?! Is it perhaps the pathetic state of the Guard in this city? Is it the fact that this city appears to be run entirely by criminals?! What?!”
The griffin, unlike his pony comrade, refused to cower before the verbal storm. “Nah, it’s nothing like that. It’s just funny to watch Chubs over there get his fat ass handed to him.” He said, trying to sound as casual as possible.
The earth pony assassin was not struck by a conundrum. Who to shoot first? He could aim for the windbag of a mare and save everyone within hearing range from her tirade, or he could shoot the griffin and watch as the smug feather bag bled out. Decisions, decisions. Sighing, he eventually refocused his aim on the mare, since orders were orders and he definitely didn’t want to piss of the pony who’d given them to him. He’s seen what Velvet Melody had done to ponies who disobeyed her. Not pretty at all.
“Can’t believe I have to do this damn job. I should be way higher up, stallion of my talents. I could totally lead a ship. Tartarus, I could probably lead a fleet.” He grumbled some more, feeling slightly better as he imagined himself at the head of a fleet invading this dirt-ridden city and capturing whatever riches they had left. “Nopony appreciates my talents.” He muttered into his bow.
He almost jumped out of his fur as a voice responded. “I know what you mean mate. I mean, here’s me, more talented than Harry freakin’ Houdini, and I’m sent up here to knock out some whiny little pony with a bow. It’s a bloody disgrace is what it is.”
Whirling round, the stallion spotted the figure who’d addressed him, a strange bipedal figure who was simply standing next to him as though starting a conversation with an assassin was just an normal everyday thing. The stallion, remembering the large prize that Melody had promised if anypony could take out this chattering freak, looked down at the bow in his hooves before looking back up at the figure.
Grinning, he swung the bow around to point directly at the bipeds chest and depressed on the firing lever, fully expecting a bolt to fly out and impale his target, making him a very rich little pony indeed. As normal, there was the distinct twang of the bow firing, however it lacked the accompanying sound of a bolt being loosed and the wet thud as it hit its target.
Looking back at his target, he saw the bipedal freak was calmly twirling the bolt through his weird limb extremities and staring at the stallion with a disappointed look in his eyes.
“H-How in Tartarus did you...” The stallion asked, his loose jaw barely managing to work.
“Nimble fingers,” His target responded with a grin, “You really shouldn’t have taken your eyes off of me. Not even for a second.” There was a flash of metal as a knife seemed to almost materialize in the creature’s strange looking paw, which he brandished with a grin. “Nighty night.” He chuckled, as he swung at the stallion.
All thoughts of leading a victorious fleet exploded out of the assassin’s mind as the hilt made contact with the side of his head.
Around the back of the Guard house a figure moved with haste whilst being careful not to let his hooves make too much noise on the stone cobbles beneath him. Beside him, wrapped in his dark grey magical aura, was a sharp, saw-toothed knife. The unicorn grinned as he looked over at his floating weapon. This job was way too easy. All he had to do was find the Guard bitch, flick the knife at her with his magic and then wander off whilst all the incompetents ran around screaming about the amount of blood.
As he approached the courtyard he could already hear the sound of the target shouting at some unlucky fool. Judging purely by the fact that she was shouting as though she were some sort of stallion, the unicorn could only guess that the mare was one of those damn fillyfoolers. That would make this kill all the more sweet, seeing one of those unnatural freaks drown in her own blood.
“Well then, since you like hearing shouting so much, perhaps you would be able to answer me this question. What do the Guard defend against?!” The mare’s voice drifted by.
He let out a chuckle at the thought as he crouched in the shadow of the large Guard house, passing by one of the many boarded up windows as he was about to round the corner to his target. Suddenly, the boarded up window smashed outward in a hail of wooden shrapnel, pelting the misogynistic unicorn with splinters, causing him to yelp in pain.
This, however, turned out to be the least of his concerns as the reason for the wooden board’s sudden eruption soon made itself apparent. A huge, muscled arm, ending in a hand so large it could have crushed the unicorn’s head with a single squeeze, shot out of the window and grabbed the side of the pony’s face. With a single quick pull the stallion’s head was sent smashing into the wall of the Guard house, instantly knocking him unconscious. The hand let go of the pony and he dropped to the ground, his face sliding roughly down the side of the wall, a disgusting line of blood trailing down behind him.
Grunting, Iron Will squeezed himself through the window and out of the Guard house that had just served as his ambush point. Critically, he inspected his victim before, once satisfied that he had been pacified, picking up the unicorn’s knife and running a professional eye over it. The blade was shoddy work, barely fit for scrap metal compared to what a minotaur could churn out. Sighing, he threw the knife through the window for safekeeping before looking down at the unicorn at his hooves. With a careless shrug, he lifted the pony in one hand and threw him into the Guard house as well, also for safekeeping, before lifting his head to pick up the rest of Summer’s speech.
“I’ll tell you what Guard’s defend against! Crime, corruption, enemies to all innocents! These are what we must be vigilant against and yet these are the very things that threaten this city as we speak!” Summer shouted, her voice inspiring Iron and bringing a smile to his face.
Her speech may be terrifying the recruits in front of her but to Iron it was like music to his ears.
Summer looked down at her Guards, her glare, which had so far been burning, softening slightly, as did her voice. “So I ask you,” she continued in a much more reasonable tone, “Which of you will join me? Which of you will stand beside me as we wipe the corruption from this city? Which of you will be counted amongst the bravest of heroes?”
She took a deep breath and fixed each of them with serious eyes. A smile almost lit up her face when she saw the determination that met her gaze. Even Shivers, the cowering earth pony, managed to meet her stare with his own, some hidden reserve of strength filling his eyes. Just one more line and she would have them, heart and soul.
“In short, which of you...will be Guards?”
The affirmative shout that she got in response was impressively deafening, considering it was only produced by four sets of lungs.
UPPPPDAAAATE
It's always nice to see a sexist, homophobic douche get his ass handed to him.
Summer's speech is inspiring, but methinks she's going to need a bit more firepower to accomplish what she's set out to do. Will be interesting to see where she gets it from.
great chapter once again mate have a stache
YEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!
2239812
Ace and his magic deck of cards
That part with Ace was just so awesome
2239856 Not only that, but he's got Lady Luck on his side, helping him cheat.
Damn Summer, you said that you don't do public speaking...I wish I could do that...
2240516
its only cheating if you get caught
Ahh, I was waiting for this.
2240562 And you only get caught if you're stupid
This should be good
I'm waiting for Ace to ruin the mood
2241261 Hey, you got comment #1337!
2241261
and we all know that Ace isn't stupid (as much as he acts like it), therefore, using simple math Ace doesn't cheat
2241696 Too bad it isn't #2177
2241858 Nope! no cheaters here!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw835_Applejuke.gif
2239856 Don't get me wrong, Ace is skilled but he's hardly what I would call a "skilled" fighter. His main tactics rely on diversion, sleight of hand, and shock-and-awe. In a straight up fight, he's not very high on my totem pole.
What Summer needs is skilled, experienced warriors. Front-line soldiers who can take the damage and deal it out. Ace is a wonderful irregular but he's no substitute for hard-line marines.
2239812
Amen to that. Extremists of all sorts always seem to have the unique flaw of, seemingly, being able to ignore reality in all the wrong ways.
oh 99 sneak and pickpocketing
very nice
2242519
did i ever say he was?
as for the front-line soldiers, why use a plan that requires them?
Like his men.
Ahaha! this is awesome!
Do you know what's always surprised me about your work? The impressive lack of alliteration which plagues the comedy genre. You've even, as far as I can remember, don't call me on it, avoided using the phrase 'satirical satyr' (or versions thereof) for the entirety of the fiction so far.
How in the heck can you be quite this good at being funny?!
2249160
Must...restrain...urge to use 'satirical satyr' now...
Thank you very much for the endorsement, it's nice to be appreciated
*one
Should be rephrased to better fit with the syntax of the previous sentence
2251330
Like a Gryphon, but with added layers of hair wax, summer tan, a white muscle-shirt and board shorts. Known to be the real jock, the captain of the football team, the basketball player, always says the word 'dude' un-ironically and hits on women successfully despite the excessive use of the word 'yo'.
Source: American sit-coms, trashy movies and other visual media featuring guys named Griff.
2244104 Agreeing with this statement. Countless times I have seen ambush tactics work against even the heaviest and most skilled fighter to bring them down. A front line fighter may be good for a straight up fight but when you throw a War-pony used to fighting front line into a jungle of concrete and metal that is a city and order them to fight the opposing assassins. Well we all know the assassins creed series. Ace would win against a squad of guards with traps, gruellia fighting, and his bag of traps if he had to fight one in a city. Straight up fight? What say you to having him turn your soldiers against you with his silver tounge.
2256749
and that is why I always play 'that sneaky bastard' in RPG's.
2256794 Lol nothing says overkill like killing everything without them even knowing they were being attacked. Though I tend to favor the guy who multi-tasks summoning with sneaking so you can make em think it is just a random encounter rather than an assassin.
2239812 me thinks the pirates need more firepower.
Barrel-of-fun, why are you so hilarious?
ahh nuts i reached the end of this story.... oh well im sure you will come up with more.
DAMMIT
I have seen here yet another problem that I find in EVERY story that I like.
There isn't more of it D:
2274747
Glad you have enjoyed it so far I try to get chapters out every saturday but had to miss this week. Expect the next one next saturday
2274769 aaww..
*snff*
an author who can reliably let out chapters every week in an incredible story!
That's actually rare, I find.
ONWARDS! Disappointment Brgade!
2274980
Indeed :)
2249160
No one may ever know...
Velvet Melody?
Wasn't it Vibrant?
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/580/656/3b1.jpg
High risk high reward? I think Summer was a bit to reckless Chapter well done!
The entire damn time I'm thinking. Ace still owns a favor from Luna. With her, they god god damn storm the city with Royal Guards or hell even have Luna come down personally. Tbh Technically it wouldn't even use up the favor, it would get another because they are helping her by telling her that her city has dun goofed up.