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While selling her namesake fruit in Appleloosa, Strawberry Sunrise meets a handsome, easygoing stallion who makes her cynical heart go pitter-pat. But she can’t be falling for him! He’s...an Apple!
Written for Jake the Army Guy's Obscure Shipping Contest, this story won 1st place.
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So the plan is:
Four chapters, "Seeds," "Stems," "Thorns," and "Flowers," with the whole thing finished by June 30th as my entry in Jake the Army Guy's contest. But, well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans of pangolins and ponies...
Mike
You have my attention, sir. Please. Write on...
Intriguing start. I like how Strawberry is a misanthropic bitch. Makes her relatable, in a way that reflects my need for regular therapy.
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Thanks!
I'm having way too much fun writing Sunrise!
Mike
Well now. This seems like a match made in some afterlife, but I dare not yet say which. Definitely looking forward to seeing where you go with this. I especially love Sunrise's background. No wonder she's so defensive of the family fruit.
And so Strawberry must face a truly horrifying reality: she found a likeable Apple.
Great work with the chemistry here. These two are wonderfully complementary, if not always complimentary. Definitely looking forward to more.
8242831
My thoughts exactly! Hope there's going to be more of this.
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8242831
Thanks, folks!
I've got two more chapters planned and a deadline of June 30th for the contest. So here's hoping!
Mike
8243953
Excellent! Proceed, then. I look forward to those chapters!
OK!
Two days and three thousand words to finish it. Let's see if I can!
Mike
8262394
You got this! And for what it's worth, you'd have my vote. This story is extremely well written!
A fic where Braeburn isn't gay?
What is this madness...
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Thanks!
8262489
AJ bucks apples:
I buck trends.
Mike
Man this chapter moved fast. Good to see a fast-burn romance.
8264524
Thanks!
I've gotta be even quicker about the ending, though--each character gets 1,500 words, and that's it!
Mike
Which ends it:
Until they develop some mutant strawberry/apple hybrid that attempts to take over Equestria...
Mike
I was wondering how you'd tie it up so neatly in only a few thousand words. You clever bastard, you sent in Applejack, who cleaves the Gordian Knot of complex emotional misunderstandings.
8267430
Darn it! First Han Solo's son, now Strawberry's and Braeburns!
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That was one of the first moments I pictured when I came up with this idea: Applejack throwing her hat on the ground, allowing herself one "Consarn it!" and then setting out to do what she could to make this whole thing work.
8272171
I'm seeing:
A red and black alicorn...
Mike
I enjoyed this very, VERY much.
This was truly delightful, a wonderful combination of character exploration and romance. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the contest.
8267430
Gives a whole new meaning to the term "Red Menace."
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Thanks, folks!
Mike
This was a very nice, very solid story!
That there was some mighty fine shippin'!
Super adorable story. I love a good crack ship but this is a great crack ship.
Great job
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Thanks, folks!
Now I just hafta rewrite it with various nature spirits--brownies, sprites, and pixies, for instance--instead of ponies, and I've got an original fic I can try shopping around!
Mike
That was fun.
8338444
Thanks!
I tried to do some things with giving Sunrise a lot of the traditionally male parts of the romance--she's the traveler and the talker and the grouch with a carefully hidden heart of gold--and Braeburn a lot of the traditionally female parts--he's the headstrong local beauty, slightly flighty but overflowing with kindness--and I like how that turned out...
Mike
I can almost get behind Braeburn being bossed around by his sister and not getting to go on night patrols, that being a source of plot-relevant angst, but having somepony else making the decision of who he is and isn't allowed to date and nopony seeing anything wrong with that, is just downright painful. If it's meant to be "charmingly old-fashioned", then it's about as charming as mentioning separate drinking fountains and certain ponies not being allowed on golf courses. Reversing the historical gender roles doesn't really make it work; it's just uncomfortable and distracting.
It's a great story otherwise, though. As far as crack ships go, this is an intriguing one, based on A.J. being the one degree of separation. The buildup was well-paced. The ending was a little too quick, and I think some storytelling opportunity was lost. I liked the way Braeburn's side of the narration was done in his speaking style. Strawberry's character is well-done; it's rare to see the inside of the mind of a jerk. (And it's decently accurate -- I speak from first-hand knowledge.) And in a technical sense, the writing is top-notch. I think Applejack is presented as a little too hot-headed and assholish, and combined with the thing with Red I mentioned before, it makes the Apples as a whole look worse than I like to think they are.
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It's not meant to be:
Charmingly old-fashioned. It's just meant to be just plain old-fashioned. If I hadn't run up against the contest deadline, I would've had Strawberry raise more of a stink about it, but I didn't get a chance to give the whole thing a last pass, alas...
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Thanks!
I had fun writing it!
Mike
A bizarre and glorious ship.
Loved how you took two one-note characters and made them human.
Well that should be very interesting story about strawberry and Braeburn so basically Sunshine is on a business trip despite she doesn't like the other fruits other than strawberries this should be very interesting
It looks like things are not going too well for strawberry Sunrise she got herself caught in the middle of a bad storm and she fell down but lucky for her that Braeburn was there and rescue her and taking her to the shelter to warm up and everything it's pretty nice to see those two interacting with each other and it looks like strawberry sunrise sort of like Braeburn but unfortunately she doesn't want to get too close and when morning comes she was gone I wonder what's going to happen next
So apparently strawberry Sunrise has family issue same with Braeburn well maybe not as bad as her but still she wanted to take some time off after her near-death experience but she wanted to work so badly but apparently life can be unpredictable because Braeburn is here in Ponyville visiting her she was not prepare for him to be here so things were pretty okay they were talking normally and they started to has some chemistry between them but then things kind of went South when Applejack showed up and I'm sure she didn't mean to but you know she had a bad experience with strawberry sunshine this is going to be a tough situation for both of them
Well it looks like strawberry Sunrise admitted that she is falling in love with Braeburn even though they only met each other for only 2 days but somehow his charm really got her badly and even Applejack and Rarity helped her out with that Braeburn went home heartbroken knowing that she doesn't even cares about him but when he got to the train station he meet up with a sister Applejack and even strawberry sunrise and they finally admitted they love each other this was a pretty sweet story keep up the good work
Big fan of this story, nice one!
Well, wasn't that a ride.
So as far as I understood it, this was written within the limitations of a contest. I'm not entirely sure if that contest set limitations 'only' for the available time frame, or for the word count as well. Either way, I know that working under such conditions requires making some concessions.
As was mentioned by other commenters before: The writing is top-notch. Really impressive stuff, with very immersive details. Like Braeburns speech patterns bleeding into the text. Loved that detail.
I did think that Sunrise's turn was too fast. It was a little jarring for me, at least. I can hand-wave it to a certain degree, but even then, it still stands out a little. I mean, they did imply she 'got it really badly' and falling in love like that might provoke such heel turns, but still. It was a little harsh. That said, this basically just amounts to a nitpick, compared to the quality on display otherwise. With this exception, the pacing was just fantastic. They actually shared some time, we as the readers got to know them a little, the chemistry was actually really good...
I almost dismissed this story, without reading it. And I'm a little ashamed to say: The reason for that was simply the thought 'I don't know these two, I don't know if I care about these two'. But you're a talented storyteller. You made me care. That's a quality I don't automatically assume is present. I'm glad I gave it a go. I had a good time with it.
Thank you for writing!
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Thanks!
Yeah, the contest had a limit of 15,000 words, so I couldn't've squeezed in any more scenes...
Mike