My name is Aileen, and I am Tenno.
Now now, I wasn't always one, in fact I lived on earth and played Warframe, or watched My Little Pony. I lived a not so happy life but looking back, it could have been a hell of a lot worse than it was. Anyways, one day I was trying to sleep when I swear I heard the Lotus say the line from the Second Dream quest. When I awoke gone was my old 16 self, and hello a life of void powers, Adventure, torture and EQG.
one of these things is not like the other!
(Warning: This Story does contain spoilers for all Warframe lore that is out/to come. It will be updated and edited as more info is leaked out.)
(Note: This story might tie into my other story, but that is to be determined.
Chapters (3)
Alrighty, as a fellow Warframe enthusiast, the lore side of things checks out. I only have one problem:
The pacing is smoking acid.
1. The transition from human to Orokin just was way too quick. Not just that, but it seems the whole 'regular girl origin' wasn't necessary, and she has no recollection of it whatsoever. Not to mention, I'm sorry to say, that if this lady came straight from the Orokin period, with no time jumps like in the games, her frames should all be Prime or Umbra quality. Umbra only being for those well-seasoned on the battlefield, and I use this direct quote, "Umbras are bathed in the silk of victory."
2. You very, very briefly mentioned the other Operators, and with how you've built this character, that's a problem. This character has emotional attatchments to these briefly mentioned characters, but we never get to invest in that because we never get to know these characters at all themselves. What I'd actually recommend doing from this point is providing flashbacks throughout the story, demonstrating the personalities of each one and what they mean to our main character.
Other than those, I just saw some minor spelling errors. With a bit of polishing, this story has potential to be a real hidden gem.
8202824 everything with the atachment I have done is done with reason. As much as she has those conections, the reasons why are covered with PTSD related memories. These memories will trigger thought the story, adding attachments to those characters and building up a reason why she can go from being happy, to being emotionless in a snap. Also, her being from earth will play a factor in later chapters, it is just glossed over momentarily.
As for the lore issue, the I you for noticing that. I will edit the chapter but what of the frames that do not have primes yet? They are mention as to have played a role in the pasted, Octavia having been the one that would rally the other tenno, inspiring them to fight.
8202824 also, thank you for the critism. If I don't get it, I don't know what to fix.
8202969 for the frames lacking Primes, just... I guess just CALL them Primes, but don't mention any looks other than the standard "Covered in gold lines n' crap"
8203729 okay, but if I get complaints it's your fault.
Lol jk. Thanks for the help
8203729 I just remembered one detail. If all orokin era frames were prime, how come you don't start in one?
8204783 by the time you start, Vor has stripped away as much as he could before Lotus awakens you. This includes anything that made that frame as strong as it once was.
8204854 I...as much as there is not hint of that prior to awaking you, I'll concede for now.
Can't wait for the next chapter. I've seen a few different warframe stories on fimfic with male as the main character not a female, so i really like it see where this goes..
8206082 well, there will be a few trigger warning chapters due to that fact, but glad your enjoying the story!
8204904 no, it is said by the Lotus after you're awake. Also, how do you think Vor attached the poison injector? Of course he stripped down the Tenno before waking them up.
I nice chapter
Void you better watch it. Something things are greater than you will ever be.
Nice. Personally. I would have savagely beat down the boss thug. Good chapter.
Yes a harem, always wanted ome in real life.
There is nothing wrong with me, but a man can dream
8244256
lol yeah
You know what...
SCREW HAREMS!
I WOULD RATHER FLY AN APACHE HELICOPTER INTO BATTLE AND MISSILE THE CRAP OUT OF SOME FILTHY COMMUNISTS!
Damn bucking harems, you can't kill army's or communism with only females and the power of whatever the buck they use. I want me some actual god damn fire power, not whatever the heck they do.
Hold on a sec... John came through with Roseluck. She ain't a nurse?
8244362
Okay, that's your opinion. I understand it but don't worry, right now is just build up for the shit fest later. The story is more action oriented than romance so the Harem thing will not be mentioned every 5 seconds like in other stories.
8245063
It was half complaining and half joking.
Never take me seriously unless I am talking 100% seriously.
Though I can guess that it won't be used like it has been in this story so carry on with the insanity.
It is what I eat after all.
P.S. On a serious note, keep that attitude and don't let people dis your story. Listen if they do have actual advice to improve your writing and don't delete comments unless they are being complete a
es alrighty. You have a good story going and I will support it for as long as I see that you try to improve. I am a bit of a sucker for a good story, we all are our own stories after all.
8245461
Hehe yeah. Thanks for that. Please point out any real flaws you see and we will be just fine!
This story is Awesome! your a really fantastic writer!
hay do continue it i hope to see more soon
11062446
Sadly no. This project I canceled a while ago due to thinking it just... uninspired.
I was hoping that she would cut the thugs hand of.