The Unusual Spell

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Comments ( 5 )

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OmniFox

OmniFox #1 · May 2nd, 2017 · · ·

What if the Mane 6 found Starlight and Trixie making out on the Cutie Map unaware of this?

MercuryTwilight

MercuryTwilight #2 · May 9th, 2017 · · ·

I like where this is going and where it may lead

Azure Drache

Azure Drache #3 · May 19th, 2017 · · ·

Good idea, but the writing style sure needs work.

That One Brony Dude

That One Brony Dude #4 · Jul 30th, 2017 · · ·

I like this story so far, but I have a few complaints, which I hope you will take constructively. First off, that wasn't a particularly great place for a cliffhanger. Second off, you should not put double-quotes inside of double-quotes. For example:

“What I was trying to tell you is that the spells aren’t really well described,” said Starlight. “I tried what was described as a "baking spell" from that book and ended up setting a meal on fire!”

Since "baking spell" is a quote inside a quote, it should have single-quotes:

“What I was trying to tell you is that the spells aren’t really well described,” said Starlight. “I tried what was described as a 'baking spell' from that book and ended up setting a meal on fire!”

Finally, you might want to slow your pace down. As it stands, the amount of detail is enough to let the reader know what's happening, but it feels like everything is happening too quickly, leaving the reader with too little time to really enjoy it. When it comes to clop scenes (and pretty much any other important story scene, whether it be action, drama, comedy, SFW, NSFW, etc), the more detail you can provide, the better. Of course, you don't want to put too much mundane detail into the more mundane scenes, because that will make the story more... mundane. There really is a fine art to deciding which pacing each scene should get, but I think you get the general idea.

Accurate Balance