- Member Since 18th Feb, 2017
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Alexshy
A nerd, system administrator and gamer. In for TR and Skyrim... ahh... yes, almost forgot - team Fluttershy... umm... if that's OK with you.
Featured In12
Clopfics11,583 stories ·15,838 members
Rarity3,862 stories ·2,008 members
- Luna Shipping86 stories ·102 members
- Princess Luna640 stories ·540 members
- Luna x Rarity10 stories ·38 members
- Princess Luna is best Princess102 stories ·98 members
Luna is Best Alicorn62 stories ·87 members
Followers of Princess Luna157 stories ·130 members
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... I sat down to read this, only to stop upon reading the first few words. Rarity's dialogue at the start is so... stilted. It seems like it could be conveyed in a much easier to understand way without breaking her character.
8135993
Art thou firm about thou not mistaketh Rarity for princess Luna? Cause 'tis is her natural manner of speech, at least in which hour the lady is nervous or in distress. Beest thou still sure I broke Rara's character, I beg for thine attention, to quote the exact part whiter thou art concerned 'bout.
8136013 ... mine apologies, mayhaps I hath mistaken Her esteemed royal majesty Princess Luna for dear Rarity. Now I should'st read thine story once again, and leave a more proper citation of mine thoughts.
8136047
Within 'tis wall of flesh, thither is a soul that counts thee its creditor, valorous sir! *Whither is mine Luna emoticon :'-(*
8136059 ... I'll post my review tomorrow. I'm too tired to think up words in Ye Olde English right now.
8136067
Has't a rest, mine lief... and mine endless gratitude to thee for faving
I loved this, a very nice and sensual read
It would be great if you continued, I could definitely see this as a continued story
8144021
That's what my friend (who requested that story) said exactly: "This could be expanded to a full length book... if you... don't mind..."
Thank you
8144026
I agree with them, I do hope you decide to continue it
Sooooooo good !!! lunaxRarity :3.
8144163
8144181
Perhaps, you would enjoy The Guardian as well
Ra-ra gets enough attention there as well and more planned. Of course this book is T-rated... but ye may be sure there will be enough innuendo 
My biggest complaint revolves around the grammar. Commas being where they shouldn't, none being where they should, poor choice of word or phrase, etcetera. If it were only a few cases, I would list them, but as it is now, you really should find a proofreader. Aside from that, it was an entertaining read.
8181716
It could really help, if you listed at least a few places, which in your opinion needed editing.
Oh, well... It seems to be a common practice, to tell and not tell simultaneously.
Perhaps I can return later and comb through it for you, but it must wait until I have time, which will not likely be before the weekend.
8181959
Time is not a prblem for me )
It would be great, if you could mark at least the most drastic problems, whenever you have time.
Thanks in advance!
Hmpf, I guess, the weekend hath befallen not for somepony still
Why it surpriseth me not...
I tip my hat to you. This is the first story I have read that truly attempted to use the olde English in its entirety. Sorry, olde equish. (Not sure how to spell that.)
8843691
Mine gratitude, mine friend! *bows slightly*
8723054
Ow wow. I'm afraid I must apologize for forgetting.
My memory is about as reliable as the Titanic I'm afraid.
Just scrolled through my libraries and decided to give this another read. BTW, I had actually upvoted and saved despite my "biggest complaint", as even then, it wasn't that big. I think I was comparing to actual published novels, though I still enjoyed it.
And after having read numerous stories here since then, those complaints are simply trivial compared to a lot of what I've come across.
8939986
Thanks for being honest. And extra thanks for upvoting. I'm not a pro, not mayhap going to become one... As thou properly noticed, tis a fanfiction site, that meaneth mostly amateur. Methinks members vote basing on their attitude towards what is written, instead of how is written very frequently. If 't be true I voted that way, the whole Fluttercord part of the site... *chuckles* Well, I don't do that, at which hour I don't like the content, I simply stop reading.
Nevertheless, if 't be true thou hast any compliant or notice, feel free to state it hither or via PM, constructive criticism is welcome to make the stories actually better.
9418018
Thanks, mine friend! The key aspect was exactly bringing an adequate plot into the clop story.