• Member Since 30th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Zubric


Love to write whatever comes to mind and enjoy Brony stuff.

T
Source

Spike really should have known better than to let his curiosity get the better of him. It’s too bad it just happened to be Starlight's diary that he peeked into. Embarrassment soon followed the little ‘baby’ dragon as punishment.

Light baby themes but mostly cute and cuddly

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

:duck: My Spikey makes cute babies
:twilightsheepish: You mean Spike makes a cute baby
:raritywink: I clearly said my Spikey Wikey makes cute babies
:twilightoops:
:rainbowlaugh: Spike makes for a lame dragon
:raritycry: Rainbow Dash!
:pinkiehappy: He's so cute when he waddles away in anger!:raritystarry: you remember that? :pinkiegasp: duh!
orig02.deviantart.net/a30d/f/2017/055/2/7/fashionably_resting_by_hillbe-db0abdt.jpg

I think humiliation is a really mean uncalled for and frankly abusive punishment it's also something Twi would never do to Spike

I think what people are forgetting is, Spike read Starlight's diary. He had to punished a little, and only three of his friends really saw him in that state. The spell wears off in the morning, and it's Spike's own fault he got hit with it. It's not like his social life and status got completely destroyed for good. By the end of the week chances are even Rarity will have forgotten about it. :eeyup:

This was really cute and funny. I hope rarity can keep a photo. Xd:twilightsmile:

I liked this, I personally enjoy a little punishment story.

8086981 Well... He did read Starlight's diary. Every guy should know that a woman's diary is off limits. It's​ Spike's fault for the way he was treated.

Comment posted by Pearly_Glider deleted Apr 12th, 2017

Far from the worst I've read and the plot isn't too contrived. That said, the "Twilight is his 'mom'" angle is played to an awkward degree (and I don't just mean awkward for Spike, but for the semblance of character development and plot progression as well).

Punctuation for dialogue needs work (you actually reversed how it's supposed to be done) and a general editing pass is obviously needed, but the story isn't chock full of typos and poor phrasing, merely a smattering here and there. Style-wise it's somewhat bland, but there's at least an attempt made at using writing techniques like similes. Far too much reliance on stating "Spike did a thing, it was cute, you may 'awww' now", though.

Put a little more care into it and you might have an okay story on your hands.

8090362
Comments like this still make me annoyed, though. It's like saying, "Bah, who cares about Gordon Ramsey when I have this McCheese in front of me?"

8091072 (account created the very day the comment is made ) so kind of hard to take anything serious. Still yeah second half I'll admit was a bit weak whatever always next time

8091397
Take some pride in your work and you can rise above the morass.

The easiest issue to fix is your dialogue punctuation. This link covers almost every scenario you will come across while writing unless you try to get experimental:

http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/

That said, you really only need to learn how to punctuate in two scenarios; the dialogue ends with a speaker tag (E.g. he said) or an action tag (E.g. he shrugged). Learning that covers 99% of it, unless you start to get fancy with sentence flow. Do so and I will applaud your proactiveness and desire to improve. If you don't, I may not be so dismissive of the errors in your next story.

Ya screwed up Spike, ya screwed up.

Awww, that was so cute! :heart:

His cheeks turned pink again when Twilight giggled a bit. “Mom, stop laughing!” He squeaked, covering his face.

Twilight paused and blushed, feeling a warmth in her heart at being called a mother.

Aw, I love stories that have Spike and Twilight in a mother/son dynamic! So cute!

AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This story is so cute!

The first part was funny even if I felt bad for the little guy. The rest was cute. Loved Spike cuddling Twi at the end.

never read a ponies/persons diary

9799050 Gave it a proof read, os hopefully to reads better.

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