Chapter 1
5 minutes of pure Umm
By Fillyfooler
It was a request, a very simple request.
Everyone else had done it and now it was her turn.
Fluttershy just didn't know what to do.
Sure, she had watched as each of her friends had taken her turn. She had even been amazed that Rarity could fit the whole thing into her mouth or even participate in such a deed, but why her? Why did she have to do it?
“It tastes like apples, you have to try it” Was the remark that had left to this stupid entanglement, really why would she care. Sure she had often seen and wondered if the thing tasted like apples but really why now? Why in front of all of her friends and Big Macintosh?
“Umm...”
“I told you she'd never do it” Said the rainbow colored mare beside her,
“You simple must darling, it's an experience not to be missed. Isn't that right Big Mac” Rarity remarked
“Eeeyp” came the slow drawl of Big Mac.
Even Big Mac had tried it, this scared Fluttershy. EVEN BIG MAC had tried it. Really what did that leave up to her.
“Umm”
“Come on Fluttershy, this is something not to be missed” Came the plucky reply of Celestia's favourite student.
“Yeah Flutters, you gotta do it. It's like sucking on an apple at the same time as sucking on a lollipop. It's really amazing, go on give it a try”
“Umm... I don't know”
“Come on Sugarcube, even I've done it”
Fluttershy didn't know how to feel about this information, for one it proved that if given enough determination a mare could accomplish anything but on the other hoof, the thought of Applejack actually doing that scared and intrigued Fluttershy to no end.
Why had she even came here? Sure a Pinky Pie party wasn't to be missed by anypony, and sure she had even gotten an invitation. But really she could of said no, really none of her friends would have mined. Pinky Pie's parties had lately being taking a very 'mature' turn, in way of content, with at least one naughty trick or game been played during the night.
But wasn't that the reason she had come tonight? To finally come out of her foal hood shell of sexuality? But she had expected kissing, intimate holding maybe even a bit of foreplay.
Now this, this was just down right bizarre. Really who would do such a thing and publicly too? She was pretty sure not even long term couples did this. This had to be some kind of fetish, something done in the darkness of bedrooms or bathrooms, not in the loft of one of her friends house.
But still they wanted an answer, she just didn't know.
“Umm, well, umm”
“Look if this is really making you that uncomfortable, you don't have to” Twilight said as she rested a hoof reassuringly against Fluttershy's shoulder.
“No, umm”
“Look it's okay, not al' mares can handle it” Came Applejack's big brother
What other mares had done it? How many ponies had done this, really this was starting to freak her out. Was she the only mare above age that had never sucked on it? Now she was quivering, why Celestia, why have you cursed me so?
“Umm, no I can handle it”
“Really Flutters, I mean as much as we've been pushing it, we don't want you to do something you might regret tomorrow” the blue pegasus said from her corner.
“Yea' Fluttershy you don't have to do it” Came Applejack's concerned voice.
“NO!...” Fluttershy's shout surprising all in the room “Umm I want to do it”
“Okay well it's there waiting, dive right in” Applejack encouraged.
She couldn't believe she had just agreed to suck it, why had she done that? Well she had agreed, might as well go through with it.
Fluttershy slowly moved towards the owner of 'it', was there any particular way this was done? Was she just meant to lick it or was she actually meant to take the whole thing into her mouth?
“Umm, agh, umm”
“Go on darling, first you lick the small red one”
Thank Celestia that Rarity was here to help her out. Okay, she could do this. She moved quickly to 'it' and took the smallest of the things into her mouth. Slowly she swirled her tongue around tasting the amazing apple sensation in her mouth.
Big Mac was starting to blush “No matter how many times this happens, ah always get flustered” Came the strong stallion, sending vibrations down his body and incredibly into the body of Fluttershy.
Fluttershy took her time with the next red one, this time taking time to lick it first before covering it with her maw and sucking.
Applejack didn't know how to feel about this whole situation, sure each of her friends had taken their turns but... well it was Fluttershy. The most timid and shy pony in Ponyville, that was currently sucking on the second “Little apple” and honestly it was making her a little flustered, just like her brother.
But she had to stand strong this was no time for stupid thoughts of intimate situations, though if she was honest again, this was very intimate. Something done between couples not friends. But it wasn't like she was complaining, it was a simple pleasure and she was a simple girl.
Fluttershy unlatched her mouth from the second thing then looked up to the biggest part of the package and decided to go for it, opening her mouth wide and sticking her tongue out. She rose up from her position and took the final piece into her mouth.
Slowly she sucked on it, deciding taking time with this part. She stopped sucking and moved back down to the bottom to lick towards the top. Truly this was just as Pinky Pie had described, it was just like licking an apple flavoured lollipop.
Suddenly there was a neighing from her patron and she moved away but not before a strand of something white and gooey hit her in the face.
“So what you think”
“Umm, it really does taste like apples...” came the blushing pegasus “but, ahh where did this white stuff come from?”
“Yeep, soorry that was ma. Ah was walking towards the washroom and stood on a icing bag”
“Oh, okay”
“Okay so thats everyone, now do ya guys believe me?” Applejack asked
“Yes, Applejack we do. Your cutie mark really does taste like apples” Came twilights voice from the middle of the party room
“Okay now let pump this party up” Came the excited squeal form Pinky Pie as she started the music again.
END
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wow this looks interesting. I'll be sure to read it
da fuq did i just read?
I don't even know why I'm here......
How did I get here?
Why did I think that?
Am I a bad person?
No, it's YOUR fault you sick bastard.
Your Timelordian friend, The Baron
880912
Look at the end, again and this time read it. Please
Damn...... you........ Take a like and a fav.....
And now that I have read it, dang that was suggestive
880927 Okay that clears it up. I just stopped in about three quarters there. sorry for the confusion
Ha ha! I love stories like this.
I knew it wasn't a penis, but i still wasn't expecting this!
what i wanna knw is how they figured out her flank tasted like apples in the first place!
pinkie pie was waltsing along when she tripped and her tongue wanded on apple jacks flank! getting up, she said "it tastes like apples!!!"
and so the flank tasting parties began!
...
Ugh ....you get a like.......and a fav......WHAT THE HECK AM I FREAKING DOING????!!!!I already have 107 things in my fav and joined last month ...WTB?I really need to get out more.
Who knew she is into this?
Well played.
My emotions:
Predictable. I've seen many stories like this. The innuendo is so blatant that it could only be referring to something innocent. It's not bad, it just been done before.
I don't get it... who was fluttershy sucking off?
888008
Read the ending again.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Bwahahaha awesome story! Have a like and a fave my friend! Mmmm apples!
http://www.fimfiction-static.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.pnghttp://www.fimfiction-static.net/images/emoticons/pinkiesick.png
uuuum....uuuuummmm.uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmm...uuuumm....uuuuuummmm.uuuuum.....actually...uuum...there is....no word...to describe...how I'm confuse and mindfucked right now...
3282188
Succeses has been achieved then.
HOLDUPHOLDUPHOLDUP!!!!
If that was AJ's cutie mark... does that mean that it bulges out like a growth? Cause you can't really put a flat surface inside your mouth and suck it. From my regular point of view that's... really something... From my future-doctor point of view... I have to know more about this "growth". What's its medical significance? Do all ponies' cutie marks bulge out like a tumor? I NEED ANSWERS
3461238
It responded like flesh, she 'sucked' in the cutie mark by covering it with her mouth and sucking, making it raise slightly.
This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews
There is a sad thing about the above quote, and it isn’t just the fact that I’ve descended to the level of borrowing words from other, possibly superior artists to enhance my own works, but the fact that it is so incredibly fitting when it comes to this story that I’m about to review. No, unfortunately, nopony in this fic sticks candle wax into their urethra or accidentally strangles themselves to death while beating off, which would at least throw off all the clop-happy readers in the audience, but you could genuinely attempt to take a deep breath at the beginning, hold it until the end, and survive the endeavor. That way, you might even feel like you’ve accomplished something, which is more than I can say for this fic, not to mention this review...
What the hell is there to say about “5 Minutes of Pure Umm,” other than it is almost exactly what that title suggests about it? It is five minutes of Fluttershy humming awkwardly prior to putting something into her mouth, five minutes of extremely forced fake innuendo, and five minutes of your life that you will never ever get back, all spent (or rather wasted) on a roughly 1.1k word “punchline at the end” joke-fic that is indeed comparable to Mr. Palahniuk’s work mentioned above, at least in terms of how fucking disturbing it is. Just in case you haven’t heard of the latter before and haven’t already left to read it as fast as you can (as you should), allow me to offer a brief synopsis to get you interested: yes, it is possible to shit out your own intestines. And if that sounds unappealing, then just imagine what is in store for you in this particular fic…
Okay, to be fair, it’s nowhere near as bad as about 99% of the clop you get to see out there, although the writing so blatantly employs the “this isn’t what it looks like” trope that it still pretty much reads like your average clopfic, and is therefore just as uncomfortable for those who aren’t into that sort of thing. It’s almost like watching one of those “safe-for-work porn” parody videos, except the only alteration of the content was replacing all the objects being inserted into holes with vaguely phallic-shaped cartoon characters. It’s funny to a degree, but there isn’t enough coverage to avoid making it disturbing as well.
Grammar and structure are just barely passable. They aren’t particularly distracting as far as the experience goes, but it does suggest that the author either didn’t really give a shit about this story, or perhaps tried to write it in under five minutes. In the latter case, I applaud the effort, since if we view speed and quality together, it certainly surpasses my own performance when it comes to this garbage I keep spewing out.
Also, while I understand the need to provide all the necessary false details to keep the audience “fooled” (you know, in case they were all transorbital lobotomy survivors), some of them are just plain fucking stupid, such as the “white stuff” scene. Not that this is a serious fic by any means, but the way it is right now hardly classifies it as a trollfic either, nor does that mean it shouldn’t try to be clever.
The main problem I have is that the story focuses too much on the “saucy” content. It throws in just about every possible variation of the answer to “how do I make this look like something sexual is going on?”, and doesn’t really try to build up a good atmosphere. You might think it’s irrelevant, but if there’s no “foundation of seriousness” for us to then leap off from into the depths of stupidity, then the comedic effect will end up being negligible at best. Or even if it isn’t comedy you’re going for, we still need to become immersed in the story in order to be affected by it. From what I could gather, this fic is taking place during one of Pinkie Pie’s “mature” parties, which I imagine should involve the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol and psychoactive drugs, and have dire consequences by the very next day (Spike knocks up Rarity, Twilight’s wings get sewn together, Rainbow Dash is murdered by the Westboro Baptist Church, etc.) Why not focus on describing some of that? In such circumstances, seeing the Mane Six take part in such activities would make a whole lot more sense, and even the “twist” could be a whole lot more effective, since it would then go against what we would expect from a substance-fueled orgy.
Finally, just so I won’t come off as any more of a heartless bastard, I must admit that at least the ending caught me off guard, which is not to say it was a particularly impressive twist, but the author did manage to employ proper vagueness to make sure I could not guess the conclusion in advance. It's these signs of potential that made the story disappointing for me. You know you could do it, we can see that you can do it, so why not go all the way?
There you go. If clop happens to be your thing, or maybe you're in need of a quick fix from a twist ending (or "punchline," if you prefer), “Five Minutes of Pure Umm” is a passable choice. Otherwise, it's a perfect opportunity to waste five minutes of your life, just in case you don’t think it’s short enough as it is. Not a bad concept, by any means, but the story itself doesn’t really do anything with it.
You. Now you can take a good, deep breath. I’ve got a carrot cake to bake...
Dat plot twist.
888163 Okay, my question is what was Big Mac doing that he ended up licking his sister's cutie mark and discovered it tastes like apples?