Epilogue
Edited by TuxOKC.
Six months later...
In the Crystal Empire, life had settled back to what Princess Mi Amore Cadenza would consider normal. Her husband was having daddy time with their daughter, allowing Cadence to catch up on some paperwork. Oh, she could have delegated, passed the work off to her more than capable staff, but some things needed her personal touch. Humming in content, she was going over a proposal for a school in her name for underprivileged foals when there was a polite knock at her door.
“The door is open,” she said, setting her work aside.
Her seneschal poked his head in. He was a middle aged stallion who had once been one of her tutors when she was learning to be a princess years ago. “I pray I am not interrupting anything important, Your Majesty?”
“Of course not!” Cadence smiled and beckoned the pony in. “Do come in, Ulfric. What brings you to see me?”
He came into the room, his ears flat out as he had an apologetic expression. “A message arrived for you from Princess Twilight Sparkle.” He produced a scroll from the folds of his jacket with his teeth and held it out to Cadence. She smiled at the name of her favorite sister-in-law as her horn lit up and she took up the letter.
“Thank you, Ulfric. Was there anything else?” she asked him as she broke the seal.
“No milady.”
“That will be all, thank you.”
“Yes, milady.” Ulfric bowed and left the room in reverent silence.
Humming to herself, the princess unfurled the scroll. She had not heard from Twilight in a while and it was a pleasant surprise to hear from her. Her smile faded as she read what turned out to be a very short letter.
Dear Princess Heart Ass,
Celestia wanted to turn Chrysalis into stone. Luna wanted to send Chrysalis to Tartarus. You wanted to get her hitched.
Why didn’t I get a chance to choose a punishment?
Butthurt in Ponyville,
Twilight
The princess frowned. Twilight did not get a say at all, she recalled. “I knew I forgot something,” she lamented as she rolled up the letter. Tapping it against her chin, Cadence wondered what she could do to make it up to her. Perhaps she could send an inquiry to Luna and ask where she could get another book like what the Night Princess had given her. Twilight seemed very into that Stephen Hawking fellow.
“She needs to get laid,” she muttered under her breath.
It had been an honest oversight. Cadence had been so keen on getting one up on Chrysalis, she had forgotten to include Twilight in the details of her plan. Everything else had gone off far better than she had hoped. Taking advantage of the boredom of her aunts had paid off dividends. They were their proper and loving selves throughout the whole process, from beginning to end. Chrysalis was watched the whole time to prevent any designs for escape. The threat was dealt with once and for all. Equestria was safe.
Discord had added his own touch with his disregard to such trivial things like petty morals and silly ethics. Love did not care for such things. Love could be far more cruel than the machinations of a megalomaniac like Queen Chrysalis.
Love could be a monster in its own right. It had its own chaotic flare to it. Cadence had never minded Discord and his antics. He had a purpose and Cadence used his nature to help keep her aunts off kilter. It had affected her as well, but what was done was done. She felt avenged for the humiliation of her wedding. She had stood up for the honor of her beloved Shining Armor. Nopony messes with the Princess of Love!
Love, after all, could be a cold bitch.
Setting aside what she should do to make Twilight feel better, Cadence lit up her horn. A secret panel behind a nearby painting slid open. A laptop floated from it and set itself at her desk before her. She opened it, mindful of the time. There was perhaps thirty more minutes to relax and browse for updates on FimFiction. There had been a little bit of a commotion a few months ago, but the site’s regulars had more or less settled back into their routines. Everypony was excited about the upcoming season and questions over the disappearance of Starlight Glimmer made more mentions than Harambre.
If only they knew Hasbro was the property of Princess Celestia. Twilight’s suggestion that her former apprentice be there to make sure Chrysalis stayed on the path of staying out of trouble was a poor attempt at getting the reformed unicorn out of her mane. Starlight was still headstrong and was experiencing issues when it came to building trust from others. Putting the mare in an environment which needed her to learn to trust others might have been over the top, but Cadence went along with it for the extra set of eyes on Chrysalis. As for the husband Cadence had foisted upon the fallen changeling, well…
He was single. He was available. He was there.
Perhaps she went a bit overboard on the story. She had re-read the silly thing and found it was a crude story, but the comments from the author had the princess feeling more and more ashamed of her actions.
He had been a big fan.
He had thought she was the most down-to-earth of the princesses.
He was supportive of her being the only alicorn to have a foal.
The final comment he had made all those months ago was ‘Cadence is the girl next door every guy wishes he could meet and at at least have as a friend’.
She could have gone back to the human world at any time to correct her mistake. Love was powerful in magical form. But, the reformation of Chrysalis was at the top of the list of things that needed to be done. If Thorax came again to ask when his mother was going to be coming home, Cadence was certain she was going to beat him to death with a fly swatter.
Bug zappers had started to show up in the budget proposals.
The princess sighed, not at all happy with herself at the moment. Lovebutt was not feeling lovable at the moment. Perhaps a story… perhaps something lighthearted and uplifting was in order. Yes! That was what this moment called for. A short story, a comedy. Perhaps a romance?
Cadence went online and pulled up FimFiction. She checked for messages, found a few from aspiring writers. There was one from an online friend who had a question about foal habits. There was another message from another friend who inquired if she was able to edit a chapter or two in the near future. Cadence loved editing when she could spare the time.
If you’re wondering how a pony princess in another world had access to an internet provider from Earth, the answer is Germany.
The answer is always Germany. Those people are scary smart, yo.
Well, that and Twilight’s recent forays into Earth resulted in a lot of experimentation involving ‘acquired’ technology and magic. And no, they did not form a being called Captain Robomage no matter how much Spike the Dragon wanted it to happen.
That being said, Cadence noticed a particular title in the feature box. It was a silly title, but it was one that caught her immediate attention.
“What?” she said with supreme intelligence to an inanimate object, because talking to inanimate objects works sometimes in Magic Pony Land. She read the short description, her eyes widening more and more. Horror crept into her mind. She felt as though mice with paws of ice were running up and down her spine. Against her will, she found herself clicking on the title.
‘Bug Pony Horse Waifu’ opened up with three chapters.
“No,” she moaned. How could this be? The princess clattered to her hooves, kicking back her chair, staring at the screen. A foalish version of Chrysalis stared at her with an unhappy expression. Her changeling form was nothing more than a colored oval with sticks for legs. Another time, Cadence might have remarked at how alike the real thing the crude drawing was. She read the first chapter. Then the second. Then the third. It was a very condensed, very abridged, and complete false accounting.
“You...you…” A shaking hoof jabbed at the author’s notes at the end of chapter three. It changed before her eyes, a magic spell intended to be activated when a certain pair of eyes fell upon it. Words formed. The horror was doubled when she understood her mistake, her folly. She had handed Chrysalis a planet teeming with warlike apes. Apes who enjoyed beating the holy crap out of each other for stupid things, like skin color, religion, and favorite football teams.
Cadence closed her eyes. She probably deserved this. She had taken things too far.
Chrysalis owned Earth.
‘Nice planet. Best Wedding Gift Ever! GG lol’
Cadence tried and failed with her breathing exercises. Unable to contain her frustration at her supreme failure, she flipped her fifteen hundred pound desk and everything on it. Throwing back her head, she roared in the Royal Voice, “Chrysalis!”
None of the events had happened that way! None! There had been a very public trial. Chrysalis had to be restrained because she was a physical, magical, and verbal danger to the public. The only truth in chapter one was the building. Once the description of the Sanctuary of Justice had been given, the story went downhill from there.
None of the alicorns even came close to acting as outlandish and irresponsible as this. This fiction...this farce was against everything Princess Celestia had ever taught! Cadence could feel her face flushing. When had that happened?
The door burst open and Shining Armor burst in, ready for a throwdown. There were several guards behind him. “Cady! Is Chrysalis here? What happened to your desk?”
“Her...husband!” she panted in offended rage. “That...that...shameless writer!”
“Huh?” Shining tilted his head to one side in confusion.
Cadence pointed at her laptop. It was alicorn proof. Shining picked it up and looked it over, having never seen it before. “Is this where our entertainment budget went?” he asked, blinking and staring at the screen. He found the foalish art cover for Chrysalis amusing. “We gave up on funds to take Flurry to museums and zoos for this?”
“You don’t understand!” Cadence yelped, ignoring the fact there was a good chance her daughter had been deprived of seeing baby monkeys because of that stupid laptop. Her own musings made her groan. Rubbing her temple with a hoof, she snarled, “That writer did it again! He made a fool of me! He made a fool of my aunts!”
He did get Twilight down to a T.
“I don’t get it,” Shining told her with a shake of his head. “I’m worried, Cady. I think that site is not doing you any good.” He was perusing the first chapter. “It’s not that bad, I think.”
“My aunts are going to be furious if they see that!”
“We are so out of character in this story! Hey, you’re even slapping him on the ass!” Celestia howled with laughter as she clung to her sister. Luna was in humorous tears.
“I know!” Luna wheezed, wiping tears from her face. “Chrysalis is so lucky to have a husband with a twisted sense of humor she can appreciate! Cadence chose well!”
“I’m so dead,” Cadence moaned. “It’s his fault! That writer! That human!” The last word came out as an evil hiss.
“Writer’s name is Scarheart. What a strange choice of a pen name.” Shining was still not happy the family budget went into this contraption. He blinked and looked at the author’s notes at the end of the third chapter. “I think this is a joke. Didn’t you say there were about eight billion of these monkeys on that planet?” Strands of mane sprang out of place. “I don’t think we’ve got anything to worry about. You made a good choice, honey. It’s not like they can come here, is it?” He tried to give her his most convincing smile. The sound of grinding teeth reached his wife’s ears.
Cadence giggled at her husband. An eyebrow twitched. “Heh,” was all she could manage. “Heh, heh, heh!”
He put his hooves on her shoulders and pulled her around to face him. Concern was etched upon his features. “Honey? They. Can’t. Come. Here. Right?”
*panicky simian noises*
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I KNEW IT! I BLOODY FUCKING KNEW IT WAS EITHER YOU OR ME! NOBODY ELSE IS INSANE ENOUGH! I KNEW IT!
This story is so through.
The meta is strong in this one
The Meta and the panicky primate noises. Specially the panicky primate noises
This entire story was a dad joke...
8076297 People seem to forget how dangerous Chrysalis was. She's the first reoccurring villain in this version of MLP. Sure, she's two dimensional, shallow, can do that Exorcist thing with her head...
She's a lot of fun to write, just as much so as the alicorns (even if I make them a tad ooc
).
sooooo does this mean the husbando wasnt completely against the idea of chrysalis?
8076326 If this story gets 200 upvotes, readers will find out!
8076331 sooooooooooo clooooooooooose!
8076348 Still better than the alternative who is such a 'genius' she turned into a harmless imp and tried to invade Equestria with teenagers, then got pardoned for no reason and was tasked with rebuilding a school by herself, which is impossible, and everyone's fine with her since then.
Quite honestly, both of them are terrible.
8076368 I tend to point to the body count compared to the relative origins/journeys to redemption. *shrug*
Sunset Shimmer, imho, had a strong background, weak drive, and a so-so redemption. Her red hair earned her points (see my avatar). Sunset does not have the benefit of being a part of MLP, being confined to the EQG world where the seasons are condensed into movies. You get a little more wiggle room to think about what she has to go through. She has guilt, wants to make amends, and even goes through the 'trial by fire' we like to see our heroines go through. She was clearly not a Mary Sue.
Starlight Glimmer, imho, decided to start a cult of stolen identities based on losing her friend as a filly and went on a rampage destroying multiple universes in the process. Oh, apparently she's stronger as a unicorn than an alicorn (who was also the Element of Magic, ffs) when it comes to magic. Her redemption is an apology and being forced to make friends. I would have thought more highly of her in the show if her character development wasn't so lazy. She's a lazy character and feels like a square peg going into a round hole. It felt as though she didn't have to try to earn the trust of others, even when she mind fucked Twilight's friends. It was basically 'aw, shucks, no harm done' and we moved on to the next episode. She may not be a Mary Sue, but she's damn near close to one. At least they gave her control issues.
But, I digress... I do appreciate your thoughts and thank you for them. It's always nice to compare thoughts without butthurt overflowing the comments.
8076389 That's why I said they're both terrible, and no. Those universes still exist. To think otherwise would make that whole trip paradoxal. That's why I don't hate her on that front because I know how space and time work, much like how people thought J.J. destroyed the original Star Trek timeline. And while I don't approve of the stronger-than-an-alicorn thing, Twilight hasn't exactly demonstrated power equivalent to at least Cadence so far. She still seems confined to her usual strength.
I understand what you mean, though. I'm not defending either of them. To me, both are idiots. One with an inferiority complex and no sense of planning, and the other being a blatant mary-sue with a backstory that didn't justify her actions. That being said, I think I can make a one-shot to give her an appropriate backstory. Shouldn't be hard. It'd be like dropping a house on an ant.
8076390
Pax means more than peace.
It means peace through war, at least with how the Romans used it.
It's like bombing for peace or fucking for virginity. Or paying a mob boss so your pizzeria doesn't burn down.
8076404 Or if you're Irish and you're between drunken brawls.
8076404 followed by peace through superior firepower?
8076414
Same line of thinking, yes.
Hahah, nice. Cadance got owned. Go Chryssie!
8076612 Crackfic. Must be Spring.
Okay, I've finished reading this epilogue and overall, yeah, pretty damn funny stuff mate!
Good silly humour, doesn't take itself serious and super meta, the twist at the end in particular. I know it works fine self-contained, but I'd sure read any follow-up you may write in the future, especially if it involves Chryssie invading with her army of advanced, super intelligent(?) Apes and settling her issues with Thorax, her No.1 little disappointment.
Upvoted and Faved! Well done!
I married a bughorse waifu next on maury
Scarheart the test results are in and .... commercial break
I thumbed up at #93 and now you're at #163, I hope 37 more people like this because it is getting better the longer it goes.
Pfffffffffffft, this was beautiful!
Way to go, Cadance. Way to make stuff blow up in your face, and not in the good way.
Do not let the Epilogy to fool you, it is merely desperate ploy of the ponies to cover the truth of their vile deeds! Down with the mare!
8076297
Being a victim does not elevate you to some special place which is above reproach. They have grievances? Sure they do! Should they be flippantly presiding over a trial ove someone who has ''defence' which is pre-occupied in reading a book and calling person she is defending a second tier villain? No, they should not. This is why there is impartial court and victims get to decide nothing.
And yes, i will always place my sympathy to those who have been rendered ubale to talk and who have heel of a boot placed on their throaths with glee. Could be they deserve such things according to some but no country with a shred of justice will handle things in this manner. The justice here involved forced mental manipulation, implied 1000 years torture, implied placing the condemned in situation where prison rape was assumed to happen and then involvement of someone who had broken no laws and having his mind tampered with and life torn to shreds. All done from position of 'moral superiority.' I would call that hypocritical moral busybodying, being all about friendship and tolerance and then agreeing on all the above.
8076390
Yep, is why i was talking about being triggered and being a grump. It is comedy, but still makes me go a bit rawr.
And a correction: Chrysalis would have gotten death penalty in your part of the world, i live in area which i would like to think is a bit more enlightened. And no let us not take the topic of: "Let us walk into foreign country, put a bullet in downed mans head and then toss his body into the sea" as exampled of anything. That discussion leads to nowhere good and does not belong under this story.
Harsh crimes mean that more care must be taken in the trial and that judges can be truly impartial. Backrounds must be run and reasons weighted. Its is not about vengeance it is about law and justice.
PS:
Damn i keep overthinking these stories way too often.
8077715 I don't mind the overthinking. Perfectly fine, old chap.
8078060
A: We don't know if they stopped existing.
B: Even if they did stop existing, for the ponies in those alternate timelines, they existed for their whole lives, and then had to deal with all the suffering and death. What was only a couple minutes for Twilight was a lifetime for the ponies in every world she went to.
8077715
I could never agree with you. That level of idealism is unrealistic and smacks of defending someone who, even then, would have killed them all out of spite without mercy or cause, if she wasn't restrained so. She even confirms as much. Defending a murderous and black-hearted being just because they aren't being treated like someone who deserves better when they have forfeited any right to humane treatment through their actions is ludicrous to my mind. If you spoke more arrogantly about this ideal of yours I'd start slapping a label of pretentiousness on it, but you have been polite even if I will disagree with you to my dying day, so I will acknowledge that you are serious about it and give your opinion respect in that it is your belief. But it is not mine. Villain-apologists are not people I can comprehend.
8078397
Some people are optimists. They try to see the good in everything, and the world needs these sorts of people, even if I have a hard time seeing their point of view. Live and let live is a good ideology.
Me, I've seen to much of life to be an optimist. I grew up as a poor, outspoken minority. I have seen the worst that the world has to offer.
8078434
You've seen Tuesday in the cafeteria too?
Edit for clarity; the implication is merely that weekday cafeteria food might be an ultimate evil, nothing more.
8078434
I certainly respect his(or her, not assuming) position, even if I feel it's misguided. But I can't fathom holding that level of compassion for those who are entirely unapologetic for the problems they cause the innocent or the well-meaning. On paper it sounds noble and such, but is that truly realistic? Why go through the trouble for someone who'd sooner slit your throat or sign a paper that crushes your life for their own gain?
If they turned this sort of thinking towards those who were mere criminals of circumstance and such, people who don't really deserve getting the full book thrown at them? I would agree completely. Too often we use the word 'criminal' to dehumanize people who should be treated better. Too many instances of using words to create a divide where we consider everyone on the other side to be subhuman simply because there's less of them than the norm and not because what they're guilty of is truly that bad.
But straight up villains like this? Those who enjoy hurting the innocent? Those who prosper from the suffering of others? Treating them like people when they're nothing more than monsters is just a waste, and fulfills nothing. The only benefit from doing so is in how you appear to others, which feels more like being pretentious than it does meting out justice.
I've seen too much of this world, too many of the people in it, from all ranges and walks of life, to believe that the ones who are the most far gone should have good kindness wasted on them. Sadly those types are more often sitting in cushy chairs rather than prowling the streets waiting to be caught by police...
I just can't get behind this thinking when it comes up for villains, real or fictional. Most of the time it comes up it's from some villain character's fans and they're just making an argument because they're unhappy their villainous character isn't winning or being treated like they're amazing and such ("they're not all that bad!" is far too common, and usually wrong). But this person seems a bit better than that, at least.
At least you understand what I mean, we've seen too much shit to put trust and compassion in those who wish only torment upon you. I've been stabbed in the back literally and figuratively too many times to have not learned that lesson. Only those who are well-meaning are deserving.
Just skimmed your stories and there are none where Cadence is smacked on the butt. Disappointed.
8078655 derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/3/27/1118343__safe_screencap_princess+flurry+heart_the+crystalling_spoiler-colon-s06e01_baby_cute_evil_evil+flurry+heart_image+macro_meme_smiling_solo_soon.png
Called it.
8078691 If you wait for the sequel, you're gonna find it's hard to even reason with a cold hearted bitch.
And yes. It is a self insert. Shamelessly so.
8078698
Honestly, I'm just embarrassed I only picked up on it this late.
yes, im told it's generally hard to reason with love
Best damn self-insert ever.
"4 more likes ,4 more likes " rinse and repeat.
Enjoy your like..
8078561
8078698 The real comedy is in the comment section.
8078656
The face of a little Giggling Eldritch Monstrosity?
Or the Galaxy's first planet-killing organic battlestation?
"This baby is now the ultimate power in Equestria. I suggest we use her."
- Crystal Commander Mottle
No problem!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/1/1/1057252__safe_artist-colon-dzmaylon_prince+blueblood_princess+celestia_princess+luna_twilight+sparkle_arranged+marriage_clothes_comic_dress_floppy+ears.png
8078397
8078561
I see your point, but i refuse the label of an optimism of kindness or idealism. It is pure cold logic why we must afford the worst of us ALL the legal rights there is. Human rights are not only for the nice people, they are something all have and if we start taking them away from people no-matter how heinous we irrevocably state that they are not universal after all. (And this is why there is international courts which can handle cases which cannot be dealt with locally in somewhat neutral manner.)
That is the moment when western ideal of just and equal society dies and we should never let monsters make us less. Human rights are not afforded, they are not something to be given. They are part of any and all sentience. This does not mean we cannot be angry, and all must pay for what they have done according to the laws. But we need to act in correct ways. People in grief and who are full of 'righteous indignation' make poor decisions, they want revenge. That leads to nothing more than barbarism.
As the Villain-apologists go, good villain has reasons that somewhat has a logic that is solid, it is twisted but it is consistent. And that can very often be much more than would be good guys have. Not to mention how very often the things could be resolved in boring ways which would end up with mutual gains but those kinds of stories are not really something many want to write or read. And the fact that each time writers opinion of 'good' is in odds with the reader then villains who oppose the heroes start to seem pretty appealing quite fast.
Lastly:
People who mean well, and KNOW they are doing good are the most dangerous villains of all. This is what allows them to do unthinkable things.
Finding the time to edit is difficult.
Wonderful story! Absolutely hilarious! I just have one question. When the Princesses (Celestia and Luna) say Pax, what does that mean?
8084338 Pax is Latin for peace, as in Pax Romana, literally Roman Peace.
Now that was an epic ending!!!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/4/10/1408119__safe_artist-colon-sketchmcreations_edit_editor-colon-theabridgenator_sunset+shimmer_equestria+girls_friendship+games_spoiler-colon-friendship+.jpeg
8086226 Have a look, Sunset.
img.clipartfest.com/4838a9beef56872c8ff2f78de564ac80_nate-archibald-hand-held-mirror-clipart_320-423.jpeg
8081189 While I agree with you, some people are too far gone. You can't afford the time to fix everyone, and some cases are too far beyond reach to properly be fixed.
In the end while I can see that maybe giving Crysalis a chance at redemption is a good idea. In the end, only a society with access to magic and cartoon logic like Equestria can truly afford to do it.
I personally would have opted for the lethal option if available. Only because I know the limits of my flawed self, and that I am not Twilight Sparkle, or the Princesses.
o.0
Yeah... they lost both... you know what? I have nothing nice to say except two thirds of German women (and half the men) pretty nice.
8098331 I like the Germans. The food is amazing!
I want to read this.
I'm a crackaphobe. I'm scared of crackfics...
I truly do.
I'm just... Scared.
*Ignores that my only story is in fact a crackfic*