RocketAlex
Joined 4th Mar, 2017 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- The Mountaineer Brony · 20k words · 42 0 · 1.6k views
- The-Black-Knight · 35k words · 146 11 · 3.9k views
- AuroraDawn · 8.3k words · 3,303 307 · 123k views
- AgentSnail · 333k words · 771 44 · 8.7k views
- shortskirtsandexplosions · 15k words · 227 32 · 3k views
- TheFineBrony · 8.5k words · 99 11 · 6.1k views
- Futile Task · 15k words · 156 22 · 5.4k views
- Fanged Rainbow · 7.5k words · 64 5 · 2.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.126 seconds
Total duration
621 users online
1,046,986 hits today, 2,658,435 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
poor scoots ;-;
Because this takes place in a world where Crusaders of the Lost Mark didn't happen, it needs the AU tag.
8068820 Hey there, hope you don't mind if I just throw my little thought in to help you. Maybe you could space the paragraph so they are not bunch up together, and instead of using a cross out word, maybe replace it with a no, example; I'm a little, no, very upset. Instead of the; I'm a
Anyway, poor scootaloo, I hope she doesn't lose her friends or everything might fall for that bit of sanity left.
littlevery upset.Great concept and
plotstory! Also a few horizontal rules or breaks would be helpful, for insanceThe spacing (as you can see up above) is perfect in this comment, but on the actual story page it looks a bit, compressed. Other than that, amazing story. Even though I only read the first two chapters, I'm hooked! I cant wait to see how this evolves.
8069362 Your welcome
, I'll mention anything else that come up if you don't mind as I read along.
8069434 I'm open to any suggestions or critiques because if nobody told me what I'm doing poorly, I won't be able to better myself.
I love this Scootaloo. Kill the guilty. The death penalty is the only hope for America.
8070086 That was what I was going for XD
The whole "I'm not the guilty one for murdering them, they are for doing ________"
8070147 Glad to meet someone who likes to watch others suffer for a crime. What should qualify as a capital crime? Murder, drug dealing, acts of terrorism, resisting the police (which usually kills you anyways), kidnapping, and breaking out of prison come to mind. Maybe sexual assault too.
8070160 Being directly responsible for making someone go insane (emotional abuse) is just as serious as murdering them yourself.
8070182 Good point. You know what, just shoot them all. Don't give crooks a chance to reproduce.
I'm a lazy person too. And editing your own stuff is hard.
Sees new chapter Extremely high pitched squeal
Yes new chapter, I see you spaced the paragraphs! Very enthusiastic applause
Now I don't mean to grouse and gripe buuuuuuuuut...
horizontal rules (aka: a line all across the width of the page), or time/scene breaks would be greatly appreciated.
Now if you read that paragraph (with the edit of course.) then a reader will know that either: A, some time has passed. or, B, That it is a completely different scene, all thanks to that little thing between paragraphs.
PS: 1 "inside one of the filthy building." It needs an "s" at the end.
2 The time/scene breaks are an essential part of writers etiquette, I couldn't just let this amazing story possibly go under simpy due to the writer not having the right tools now could I?
8074639 Thanks! Now it shall be smoother to read, both by me and others.
Danke, mein lieber Schriftsteller, Sie haben meine Dankbarkeit und Unterstützung
...Ouch, I like this Scoots.
Hello my psychotic friend!
I would not mind 46 chapters and a year...
And thus a new and beautiful friendship was born
If Scootaloo is a changeling, there will be blood.
Same thing here. If scootaloo is a changeling. "I will find you. And i will kill you" jk but please. No changeling.
Shining twins?
"And Twenty three hours."
"And ten minutes fourteen seconds, fifteen seconds."
Keyframe?
The one word in the twins head at that moment: "Damm."
Probability of this being a good plot device: 120%
"My little Scootaloo: Murder is Magic!"
8126248 I was watching the Shining while writing this XD. Also...
That was originally supposed to say "rapist", but I decided that the story was already fucked up enough. It's choppy because after I edited it I was too lazy to change the rest to fit.
8125729 No need to worry. I'm not thhaaaat mean.
Just a thought....
What if when scootaloo breaks out and confronts Jay she grabs his wife and threatens to kill her unless he complys. Then she ties them up and makes his wife watch as she cuts his wings and mark off.
Just a thought....
8134397 I actually have the rest of the story planned out. I don't usually do that, but I didn't want this story to go on for too long. If I have any time after finishing the entire story, I might add in some bonus chapters and alternate endings. I'll actually make a note of your idea.
8134399 thanks
And like that.......
Scootaloo is now Equestria's most wanted pony.
Now only if somepony was able to save Twilight but she's already dead.....
Maybe....
8138562 don't tempt me.....
8138604 XD You're ideas won't part of the main story, though. SEQUAAAAL
8138620 so Twilight will be alive then.
Very well
Still think making the wofe watch is better
8138773 The ending is going to be a lot different than anyone might think. So the wife thing wouldn't work. And...
NO.
SHE'S.
NOT.
A.
CHANGELING.
8138790 I never said she was a changeling
8138866 I know but... read the other comments... I feel like if I don't clarify I would end up triggered.
No. I indent too.
8138874 That might have been my fault. Sorry
I know a few ideas meantioned you might use....
8143649 wait till I get the first chapter out! XD
Jay had a point. Leaving them alive is actually more horrifying. Of course, a couple of broken bones only adds to the fun!
I think I used the wrong emoji.
But the door was locked.....
Unless, of course, Nurse Upbeat had a key. Which, as the room nurse, she probably did.
8231750
So... is this calling me out for an error or not...? Lol
8237753
It pretty much is, I guess.
Goddamnit! First this shit autocorrects an to and, and now it autocorrects much to Mich!
8244180
Upbeat would have a key, though. I suppose I didn't add anything explicitly saying she had to unlock the door, but it was implied.