Straight from the Canterlot archives, this collection of documents retells the rise and fall of Princess Twilight Sparkle, Enlightened Despot of Equestria, Defender of the Peace, Lawgiver, and Commander of Fort Libris.
Twilight Sparkle is, of course, known to historians as the first usurper to seek to schedule a coup d'etat by appointment. But for other details- such as, "What is the longest recorded time a pony has gone without sleep?", "Is it true what they say about swans?", and, "Why is there an owlbear in the Equestrian Witness Protection Program?"- these documents provide the answers and much, much more.
This is ABSOLUTELY SERIOUS HISTORY from primary sources. If anything makes you think this is silly, ludicrous, or unbelievable, blame Discord.
Written for FanOfMostEverything's Imposing Sovereigns writing contest.
EDIT 3-15-17: Wow, almost instant featured! Was NOT expecting that!
EDIT 4-8-2017: Featured in the Royal Canterlot Library! Thanks!
Part of the Remember Fort Libris print anthology, thanks to our Kickstarter supporters!
I FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE, THE PACING WAS NOT POORLY STRUCTURED AS EXPECTED.
Oh, wow, that was beautiful.
Especially Fluttershy's bit about the swan. I lost it. Kudos to you.
FORT LIBRIS WILL RISE AGAIN
Well, that was quite douchebaggy of Celestia.
This was unexpectedly brilliant.
Was that a Doctor Who reference with Celestia's "debate"? Or was DW referencing something else (or just politics in general). Either way, great fic. I'm a bit slow, so it took me until about the Sunset mention to realize Celestia wanted Twilight to overthrow her for free vacation time. Trollestia at her finest.
. Sunset got off easy living the teen life in another dimension. I wonder how long until Twilight tries to schedule the next apocalypse (release Tirek after Thursday, summon something, etc.).
By the way, I presume this actually is complete, right? Just curious as its still marked incomplete, but its already a glorious (and hilarious) story.
FORT LIBRIS WILL RISE AGAIN!
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
4:7_3/15/2017
I'm sorry, but I had to thumb this story down. Don't get me wrong, it's very well written and I found myself laughing out loud several times throughout, right up until the very end where the story ends on a cliche trope stolen right from Doctor Who. I loved this story right up to that point. But that silly, unoriginal, and just plain jarring ending ruined the whole story for me.
The sad thing is, I have seen other stories with a similar premise that ended more or less the same way. It's an overused trope that had been done before. Just once I would have loved to see an ending where Twilight actually does a much better job than Celestia and ends up ruling Equestria into a glorious age of science and friendship.
Stolen from Dr.Who or not this was good.
8023606 I know, right?
This story takes Douchebag Trollestia to a new level. Abusing her loyal student and troubleshooter deliberately to the point where she feels she has no choice but to rebel, then swanning back in and taking over when she feels like it, purely to get some vacation time, and at the same time making Twilight Sparkle the goat while she comes out of it smelling like roses.
It was all so unnecessary. I'm sure the Equestrian government has paid vacation for it's staff. Celestia has probably never taken any vacation days in a thousand years. She could simply take some of her accumulated vacation days and appoint Twilight as Regent in her place. No need for manipulation, or tricks, if Twilight had the support for a popular uprising and could raise the sun, she would have had no problem having ponies accept her authority as Regent. It would also show that she actually values Twilight as something more than a tool to clean up her messes. Of course, that would require her to actually value Twilight as something more than a tool, which she clearly doesn't.
I would have enjoyed this far more if Celestia's plans had backfired on her, and Twilight had managed to do a far better job than she did. I know it's supposed to be comedy, and to be fair it does work as one, but the way she treats Twilight means it just makes me throw up a little in the back of my mouth, and leaves me feeling equal parts sick and angry.
I haven't voted this down, as it is not the story itself that is at fault, it's a well told and occasionally amusing version of this premise, it's just the premise that makes me hate it.
Oh, is that why you send her into dangerous situations with incomplete or even false information, to the point where she ends up in the hospital?
Screw you, princess.
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Actually, in a way, Twilight did do a better job. Look at the budget she wrote. Celestia uses her and wastes her and her friends' talents because she can't be bothered to explain anything. The "loving" adjective in her letters comes off as a little ironic now.
Well, that was cynical as all get-out
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Is it a cliched trope if he actually continues it? Because I damn hope he does!
Well, bravo. This was wonderful. I can barely wait to see how will this fine back to bite Celestia's Fat Royal Plot. It will, let's be honest. Only this time they won't allow for a vacation, oh no. Those six friends of our dear sleeping monarch will make sure that said CFRP stays nice and put in Tartarus. Because screw the CFRP. And Luna's too, for helping her!
I do love how helpful Working Week was with bureaucratizing rebellion.
As for the story itself... You know, I can't help but suspect that Twilight's going to take this lesson to heart, much as she does any other. If Celestia doesn't develop some communication skills beyond practical demonstration, her next vacation may well be a permanent one. And given how Equestria is apparently constantly on the brink of collapse, I have to wonder if that's because of the fact it's in a deathworld or if an enlightened despot could cut off the issue at the source.
Fort Libris will rise again, and when it does, its construction will be delegated. Best of luck in the contest.
8023758 I didn't notice the incomplete. If he does continue it along the lines you suggest, I'll be the first in line to upvote it.
8023759 equestria as a Deathworld. Huh. I feel now that we need a 40k crossover where pony world is a recruitment/training world for a chapter. Considering the amount of insanity and witchcraft, the Angry Marines or something. It would fit
Y'know, this premise has kinda been done to death, but I at least liked the analyzation of both the pros and cons of Celestia's 'laissez-faire monarchy.' Both her and Twilight are allowed to have decent points and counterarguments against eachother, instead of one holding a moral high ground and the other being laughably archaic or something.
The Enlightened Despits shall rise again! First, we shall re-build Fort Libris. Then, we shall topple the tyrannical sisters and raise Twilight Sparkle up to the throne again! Who is with me?
8023510 Yes, it's a Doctor Who reference. But it's not the only reference I threw in. Anybody notice Q. E. Egg's "Strawberries"?
8023823 Confession time: It's marked "incomplete" because it was after 1 AM when I submitted the story and I needed to go to sleep. This is, more or less, the story I had in mind. But I don't say a sequel is out of the question, especially after reading the comments this morning...
... and wondering why this gets 50+ upvotes in eight hours, while my Scribblefest entry In Its Natural Habitat currently sits at seventeen.
And although I used the Trollestia trope quite shamelessly, my focus was on OCD Twilight Sparkle, who (aided and abetted by Celestia) bureaucratized revolution and then postponed sleep for about SEVEN WEEKS because there was always work to do.
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Haven't gotten around to the other story, but for this one, the reason is simply cause it's hilarious. The army rosters alone were incredibly funny.
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And sure enough, in the shower I thought of a perfect epilogue. Back to work!
Next time Twilight applies for a rebellion and Celestia takes the chance for another vacation, she gets a nasty surprise when she returns. Turns out Twilight figured out the trick to working the mirror pool, and delegated all the tasks to specifically created versions of herself. Meanwhile the original her goes monster hunting as necessary.
FULL
Hilarious.
Is there a name for this sort of a sub-genre of comedy, where the outrageous things -- like bureaucraticizing a revolution -- are taken in stride, and normal small hings become huge issues? It requires a certain inflappability to pull off, but I think you managed well.
On the Trollestia aspect: yeah, this is the Big Sexy at her most recklessly mischievous. For an one-off comedy story, I think it works just fine; there are a lot of excellent comedies that just plain break down if you start seriously considering any part of them, let alone extrapolating on them. Sometimes, the joke is just a joke, and the story just a story, and you have to take and leave it as it is.
This is some epic level Celestia trolling. Just wonderful.
I hereby approve of this story totally. Remember Fort Libris!
The only potential problem was that Celestia still felt a little too sociopathic. It's funny, but she didn't apologize for strain she put Twilight through, and I don't remember her even giving the poor mare time off or anything. She didn't even acknowledge that she herself was partly to blame for anything. While that is in-character, I still feel like it kept the story from being all that it could be.
8024075 might be the subject matter. I just decided not to read that story because I figured I didn't care enough about Pee Wee to read it
Oh mother of... that was brilliant. Execellent. Amazing. I am extremely depressed to be competing and a contest against this.
8024245 Yeah, if this were in any way a serious story, I'd agree with you. But someone, I forget who, once said that all comedy has a little sadism involved in it. Or to quote Mel Brooks: "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
I wouldn't write Celestia this way in a more serious story, but my point here was to be as silly as possible with the concept of Twilight overthrowing Celestia. (And now, with the appendix, Twilight does it twice.)
Hm, counting days makes Luna's mandatory vacation upcoming too, but since a challenger withdrawing from the rebellion can appoint an equal as her/his alternate, I really expect Princess Luna to appoint Princess (wait for it) Twilight, thus leaving Twilight facing off against Twilight.
"Have at thee!" declared Princess Twilight Sparkle at the top of her lungs. There was a brief pause as she trudged over to the other end of the field, turned around, and responded.
"If that's the way you want it, I shall ensure your defeat!" Then Twilight trudged back across the field of battle for her next line.
"Dear?" said Night Light, looking a little worried while sitting next to his wife in the Distinguished Guests section. "I really don't recall this kind of behavior in any of my relatives."
Trollestia is in fine form.
I note she said nothing about ordering supplies and having them delivered at the same time as Twi arrives.
Did he steal your boat?
lavacados. I ... no. Just no.
Actually it's the fifth, you just didn't realize that two of them were threats to Equestria.
"But I totally do, because I edit Urban Dictionary to annoy Twi. - Spike."
Why, it's almost as though Twi doesn't read the paper.
But once Twi has taken over, such procedures will be written posthaste. Or else.
And ... the downside would be ... c'mon, give me a hint here.
Hoo boy.
If this is supposed to be a shout-out or joke in its own right, then I missed it.
But there's two of them ... or is she just overthrowing Celestia and leaving Luna as Diarch of the night? Because I could get behind that.
Oh goody! I sincerely hope this will lead to some Twiluna.
I think this might be the deadliest company organized.
Discord, Sunset, Starlight?
On the contrary - an exceptional unconventional strategy would be to place a group of soldiers inside the crowd on one side to execute a flanking maneuver.
I would be surprised, but then again, they let Flash Sentry run the Guard contingent.
Stella! What does Hard Boiled think about this?
... Nope, totally believable. I would even wager that Basil lets Tank ride around on his head.
8024326 Luna had a thousand years Time Out on the moon, and thus legally not in office. So she's only racked up vacation time for the previous few years. I was tempted to have her join Celestia anyway, but I decided it weakened the ending joke too much.
Does Cadence get a vacation? She must have been too busy with the baby to bother with all this.
I immediately like this guy.
8024367 The real Fiorello LaGuardia actually did that during the Great Depression. It's part of what made him one of New York City's greatest mayors (and one of the most ruthless and effective politicians in the history of anything).
(Turns around the back of the chair)
DISCORD CAN I HAVE THAT BAG OF POPCORN THAT KEEPS SHOWING UP
(poof)
THANKS
(Turns forward)
This'll be good.
You have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on Sun Horse.
And since Sun Horse is the one who makes it morning, good luck pulling that off.
This is perhaps the best story I've read off the front page in... ages. Top hole.
That revenge. Banishing Celestia would be easy. Make her ADMIT DEFEAT? You need guts to do that. Bravo Twily, bravo!
Kris, you deserve this favorite. Wear it with pride
Celestia - the ultimate flaker.
Would be funny to see one of these where Twilight not only knows what she's doing, but actually does better than Celestia, knocking the old mare off of her proverbial high horse.
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/everafterhighfandom/images/8/8e/Tumblr_inline_mqt4f7reOL1s5e6xc.gif/revision/latest?cb=20131025114432
Yeah, the student hasn't quite surpassed the teacher yet at the trolling. Those other rebellions though.
I wish we could have seen Sunset's rebellion. And too bad the CMC already have their Cutie Marks (wonder what a government overthrow Cutie Mark would look like). Actually, its funny to think that Celestia is still outdoing Twilight at the bureaucratic game, considering books are usually Twilight's thing, but that's an extra thousand years of experience for you.
If the random tag wasn't there, I'd find Trollestia more annoying, but as the focus here is more on Twilight's freakout (Remember Fort Libris!), I don't mind so much. And most of the other cast is somewhat sane, unlike some other random fics where one sane person is annoyed by how insane everything else is. Now if anypony threatened the Royal Cake Repository, then I'd expect Celestia to get serious.
To: Luna, Canterlot Castle, Canterlot
From: Twilight Sparkle, Friendship Castle, Ponyville
I have an idea to resolve your upcoming rebellion and take some of the stress off of the castle bakers, please visit me in Ponyville at your earliest convenience.
Twilight Sparkle
_________________________________
BE IT HEREBY RECOGNIZED BY THE WORLD
that the 1008 Best Princess and Cake Restriction Act
mandating a schedule of Best Princess and dietary restrictions
per regnant Princess of Equestria,
ratified by both Houses of the Ponies of Equestria Assembled in Parliament,
and all regulations appertaining thereunto
are hereby APPROVED by the triad crown*
and shall be enacted as law immediately.
Written By Our Hooves
Luna - Twilight Sparkle - Celestia*
*vacationing princesses automatically abstaining per Amendment A of the 1008 Take A Break Darn It Act
_________________________________
Summary of 1008 Best Princess and Cake Restriction Act**
The following schedule and dietary restrictions shall be placed into effect immediately and requires full approval from all three members of the Triad Crown and by both Houses of the Ponies of Equestria Assembled in Parliament to amend.
Princess Luna: Best Princess during nights and weekends, including Fridays, and holidays relating to the night. Dietary restrictions: None.
Princess Twilight: Best Princess during weekday daylight hours and during Holidays relating to books and lists. Dietary restrictions: None.
Princess Celestia: Best Princess on the first blue moon of a given year and during the Summer Sun Celebration. Dietary restrictions: Allowed only one 9 x 13 cake, or equivalent sized baked good(s), per fortnight. Savings to the Royal Cake fund shall be donated to allow for the reading of the Sunday comics to foals who cannot afford a newspaper over the radio to the entire nation.
**Full copy of the bill is available if you visit Discord who has it framed for viewing at his personal residence.
So does anypony actually know what the law reform contains? Can anypony actually make it all the way through or could Twilight just keep sneaking extra things in toward the end like Old Man Henderson's back story to win arguments?
have your addition to my faves library + thumbs up...
Might as well invite the girls for an overthrowing the Princess Weekend sometime
This line just keeps getting better.