Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, because there's bugger-all down here on Earth.
Who knew Princess Celestia had formal control over all aspects of language in Equestria? Who knew she would randomly ban a critical punctuation mark? Twilight Sparkle sure didn't. Now with Equestria as she knew it collapsing around her without the almighty comma she must try to convince the Princess to restore sanity to the written word.
Warning: Contains fourth-wall breakage and meta humor plus intentional grammar mauling.
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On the other hand I can think of a few authors who would retroactively be lauded as geniuses of the craft plus some ponies in hospitals would instantly come out of comas but only if they were hard of hearing.
Upvoted and Ned Kelly Approved.
I'd ask what inspired this but I have a sneaking suspicion which I should not name unless say I name it Todd. Hi Todd.
I cannot use commas or punctuation so forgive me on this poor grammar oh dear princess writer author what ever shall we do?
*slow claps*
You did dun doed it just as promised. I rate two hooves up
Well, that was fun. It was a decent crack fic, for the most part internally consistent and funny, though two suggestions. The first is not to have references to your other stories, as this is a completely different type of fic and people coming just for it will lose out on a few pieces. The other is that the political jokes didn't fit, they didn't match the style of the rest and felt like shallow commentary (that no one outside the US would get, and even then, only people who follow Trump headlines), creating an awkward gap that broke the flow. Everything else was great.
crud now how am I suppose to make run on sentences while still apply some gratical tool to attempt to make my messed up thoughts sound more organized than they actually are I really will read this story it sounds like it will be fun.
Anyone else reminded of this scene?
8024557 - I promised no commas or semicolons and I delivered. I never promised effort (at least not by my usual standards).
I understand and respect your critique about the flow breaking and the provincialism towards the end thanks to the Orangeglow references but let's be honest the story was already cracking apart at the seams at that point. I merely helped it along.
EDIT: Removed commas and semicolons to keep to the spirit of my own work.
8024557
DESU UPON THE HERETIC! DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU!
What is Desu anyway?
Fun fic with a fun premise and a fun way to have fun it was certainly fun.
Now that the comma has been banned… we can use ellipses instead. It does have the side-effect of making pauses seem too long… but that is something that can be worked around.
"And when we use a "said" tag… we can put a period - or a full-stop - at the end of a quote… like this." said Silver.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for writing this. I have also not used a single comma in this comment to honor the spirit of the story. What? I used substitutes instead? I said I wouldn't use commas. No one said anything about substitutes!
that's pretty good/.
Crackfic writing in your eyes all the way
If I l read all of your runons would you say
I'm a girl without punctuation
I'm a girl who doesn't know
Where your clauses begin or might end
Concepts come and go they come and go
Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon
The commas go the commas go
Reading would be easy if the reader's stoplights were seen
Red gold and green red gold and green.
Don't read your endless sentences every day
And those colons oh so useful I heard you say
But semicolons are abominations
Anyone using them should be hung
And I mean the type which ends with a rope
We string them up we string them up
Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon
This might become a fad and that could be bad
The biggest non-peaches nightmare the New Column's ever seen
I have to scream I have to scream
Every story is like a waterfall
Speeding over into the crash fall
Yes I just went and rhymed fall with fall
But the other option was rival
I'm a girl without punctuation
I'm a girl who doesn't know
If this might spread to where we lose contractions
And I can do is scream Oh No
Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon,
In these bright hues I see we're screwed
Get ready for a Feature box free of the punctuation scene
Text speak foreseen I feel unclean
Estee sent me. Delightful bit of insanity this. Thank you for it I'll definitely need to check out your other work.
There was supposed to be a semicolon in that last sentence but I'm committed to staying on theme.
8024528 - All names have been changed to protect the guilty. Todd included.
8024584 - Think of the scariest torture you can imagine and then multiply it by ten. I also flagrantly violated the decree in my previous comment. Fortunately I am Desu-immune due to previous exposure to Desu.
I inadvertently came into ownership of a Suiseiseki doll IRL. She protects me from ill-intentioned desu.
8024701 - "desu" is actually a Japanese sentence particle, often linked to their equivalent of a "be" verb, sort of. It carries a level of general politeness, which is why you hear it a lot. For example, I would probably introduce myself formally by saying "Konnichi-wa. Boku/Watashi wa Suufurieru desu." (I could also leave the "desu" off if I'm not needing to be super-polite); Japanese has a bunch of different ways to say "I" and "you", all dependent on context -- it's a weird language that I don't know nearly as well as some of my friends who've actually taken the JLPT. A common way to say "What's that?" is "Nan'desu ka?"
In this story, it's a stealth reference to Rozen Maiden and more directly a product of Celestia's hopelessly Swiss-cheesed brain and doesn't really mean anything, which I think is why Twilight freaks out so much; it's a punishment little-miss-know-it-all has never heard of.
PS -- I'd also be curious about the demographics of this sites writer-base (rather than just its general users). Most Fanfic Authors Are Female, but I get the sneaking suspicion that THIS site is a major exception. As to writers, I assume I'm one of the older ones, being in my 30's, though I know at least a few are older than me.
Heh. Heheh. Wait. What about parenthesis? They aren't just for programming ya know.
8024701 "desu" or です is just a sentence ender for the simplest "X is Y" sentences. In regular speech, it is pronounced "des". However "desu" is still understood and can be heard from some kids and kawaii characters as a form of cute lisp.
EDIT: Soufriere beat me to it.
I expected a grammatically correct story that didn't use commas or semicolons. I still liked the story. Writing a grammatically correct without commas or semicolons is hard.
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #105.
My review can be found here.
Is desu the thing that happens when my stomach doesn't agree with what I ate and then suddenly there's moth dust everywhere? :B
Oh and Estee brought me her. She is to blame for the desu.
*sheds moth dust everywhere*
8025266 - I am, of course, disappointed in your negative verdict on my work. However, I respect your opinion.
Do note that "Comma Comma" is a significant departure from my usual work. Crackfic is a genre in which I rarely dabble.
8025305
Yeah, I read your blog post. Writing good crackfics is hard. Or at least, crackfics I appreciate - it ain't exactly my genre. PP has more of a taste for them than I do, but when someone goes out of their way to recommend one to me, I figure I should at least take a look.
No worries.
Good luck with your future writing!
And as a semicolon addict myself, Twilight's little bit about them definitely made me smirk.
I do not understand why we would even need the comma thank you. There is no real use for it especially not in dialogue.
Now Apple Bloom you know she was injured and needs to ride on Mac until they reach the house so go help your sister Jack off your bro—"
*Is shot. Without commas either.
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I look at punctuation and realize it's a pain
Cause I've been pausin and clausin so long
That even my sister knows that my mind has gone.
I aint never parsed a sentence that didn't deserve it.
Me? Write indistinctly? You know that's unheard of.
I believe that I'll stop there.
Goddammit I hate you you wonderful bastard!
Ok that took a while to get through and understand but I think I have it now. Good work.
Commas are important.
http://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca1/16-1901/16-1901-2017-03-13.html
TLDR: A missing Oxford comma decides the lawsuit.
It's kind of a relief to be reading a meta story like this wherein the grammar is frequently incorrect yet the author has managed to use that in itself as a narrative device. I've developed the ability over the years to read gramatically abhorrent pieces of writing as a skill - one that I have to use intentionally - and thereby this piece tickled that particular part of my brain in a weird way. I feel like a great man for doing what I have done reading this fic and getting to the end of it. So as they say... props.
And please forgive me I admit this comment is pretty wordy
8025461 - Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
8025761 - Stuff like this is why I wholeheartedly support the Oxford Comma and wish the AP Style Guide would burn forever in the seventh circle of hell. Twilight's rant was really me getting on my soapbox about the Oxford Comma. So was Celestia's breakdown over contradicting style guides. At least she wasn't consulting for how to do proper academic citation. I think she would have vaporized Canterlot.
8025809 - Hi. I'm the author and I thank you for the props.
I developed the same skills from years of plowing through hilariously bad fanfiction and decided to use my powers in a unique way. Could I write a story without a single comma? The answer turned out to be yes. But I felt the need to make the whole thing meta to prove that my tongue was lodged firmly in cheek.
8025461
I also totally lost it at the Weird Al moment desu
Once upon a time, I once read a pony fic that had absolutely no commas in it whatsoever. I no longer know what that fic is, but it was not some sort of joke or self-imposed challenge on the writer's part. It was as though they were making a completely unironic fic, but their comma key was broken and they did not ever notice. It bugged me to no end.
But just today I found this fic, which specifically eschews commas as part of the story for comedy value. It's quite cathartic to read this after so many years of remembering that horrible comma-less fic. So, have a fav. ^_^
My attitude when going into this story. "Huh this may prove to be an interesting read... maybe amusing."
My attitude After reading.
So much for sanity and the fourth wall.
Because of this I hereby decree this story to gain both a like and a Fav.
8027247 - I did warn you.
Thanks for the like-&-fave!
,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;
Come desu me, beeeatch!
HeylookImspeakingAncientEquestrianandnoonecanstopme
8025461 I WANT THE REST OF THIS! NOW!
or sometime in the future... If that's okay with you.
Her Glorious Majesty Princess Celestia has banned Comma and Semicolon? Dear goodness we must purge all the literature we have written so far. There is only one thing to do. Book Burning!
oldmagazinearticles.com/image_files/1933-nazi-book-burning-history_444.jpg
8029142
<sigh> The things I do for you instead of my job...
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at punctuation and realize that it's a pain
Cause I've been pausin and clausin so long
That even my sister knows that my mind has gone.
I ain’t never parsed a sentence that didn't deserve it.
Me? Write indistinctly? You know that's unheard of.
You better watch what you sayin’
What you’re relayin’
Cause plain and simple rules you’re disobeyin.
I really hate to nag, but you gotta know
You won’t grow as a writer ‘til your phrases flow
Fool
I’m the OP little ponies wanna be like
With a quill in the night, writin’ odes to a streetlight
Been spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Been spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Keep spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Keep spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Look at the situation
That I am facin'
I can't live a normal life, educated to critique
So I gotta say this to the comma screams:
Use it if needed to clarify what it is you mean
I’m an editing fool with red-lining on my mind
Got a pen in my field and a gleam in my eye
I’m an angry proofreader, a mad troll beater,
Cross words with me, and you’ll be a bleeder.
Fool,
Death ain’t nothing but a typo away
You gonna do what you want, you don’t care what I say.
You’ve got 5 upvotes, will you ever get more?
The way you are writing I don’t know.
Why, oh why, won’t my words, you heed?
The things you write hurt my brain to read.
Been spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Been spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Keep spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Keep spending all our time
Tryin to find the words that scan and rhyme
Your similes atrocious, your metaphors are messy
Sentence after sentence, essay after essay
Everybody’s writing, but half of them ain’t readin’
Run-on after run-on, I can’t tell what they’re meanin’.
I say you gotta learn, but you don’t wanna listen.
You don’t want to hear it, the knowledge that you’re missin.
Won’t punctuate, won’t learn to spell,
Always confusing your homophones as well, fool.
8030037
It...it's beautiful.....
Have a thoroughly confused like.
I'll just leave this here. Seems appropriate.
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/03/16/us/oxford-comma-lawsuit.html
lawbreakers beware
[youtube=60mLvBWOMb4]
8025266 Slightly disappointed with the review but eh. Thought it could have at least earned a 'note of mention' from the echelons on high for the comedic effort. While I am too saddened by the ending winding down dramatically into a "wet dirty beige puddle." It could have actually halted before the Desu screaming schoolgirls paragraph and thus have a possible next chapter continuing this off kilter saga with unscrambling Tia and calming poor Twily down, the banning of said herbal tea, any plantings of if found shall be dropped into Mt. Maud, the nearest active volcano. Then a cancelling of the anti-punctuation law followed up by some hi-jinx fixing the calamities caused by the lack of punctuation.
I'd still give this 2/5 as it stands maybe would go higher if slightly rewritten then updated.
The whole reference issue I think isn't really one at all but I must say the Prime Minister Orangeglow accusing Tia of secretly spying, trumped it for me as one for which I could not barrack. Oh balmier references have been written for sure but outside politics should not be used in MLP.
8030037 Side note if anyone does a vocalisation of A.P.ON.I.'s effort at a parody of gangsta's paradise, please link it to us, that would be brilliant, need someone to do it in Tia's voice.
8029295 No, not book burning, we aren't little Hitlers here, but utilising a truckload of Liquid Paper™ would be better than wasting all those books.
dl2jx7zfbtwvr.cloudfront.net/productlargeimages/CORR3005_2.jpg
sc01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1NvqYGFXXXXayXVXXq6xXFXXXi/200141093/HTB1NvqYGFXXXXayXVXXq6xXFXXXi.jpg
8028618 Didn't do it right
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
8037671 But I like to burn stuff
. Oh fine we will do it with your "sensible" way.
8038000 You pyro! Shouldn't complain as a kid acquired some of mum's hair spray aerosols (half full) had a nice wood coal fire burning in old milk can out back with a hole cut in it's side for access. Stuff em in top facing up and wait, you could here them go tick,tick,tick...tick......tick...........BOOM! Bottom blows out and empty can launches skyward, trying for altitude record. How no-one called the cops on me I'll never know. Eh the fun of being young and stoopid!
Needs a scene where all the characters swear and abuse each other for no reason. To truly capture the author's style, you see.
Also, where is District Attorney Pinkie Pie during all of this?
8156832 - Good points. Given how much of said author's word-barf I've endured, I should have taken such "plot elements" into account and been even more accurate to the "style". If I ever create a follow-up to this story, I believe I'll go that route.
I think Ponies Swear And Abuse Each Other For No Reason would be a fine title.
Great, now you've made me self-conscious of my own punctuation.
10 outta 10.
I fully support the desu penalty.
images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/11100000/Suiseiseki-suiseiseki-the-third-rozen-maiden-11163411-640-480.jpg
i.pinimg.com/564x/df/aa/2b/dfaa2b27cf0eed839804c3c039c5f43a--koi-kawaii-anime.jpg
Fuller review here, but in brief: as a crackfic, this nearly worked for me, but not quite. I enjoyed the gradually increasing levels of meta and there were some lovely touches for deliberate badfic -- though maybe it wasn't quite bad enough for that. One the downside, I felt like I was being hit over the head with the Canterlot Comma stuff and I just didn't laugh at the Desu thing. Feels like I wasn't quite the intended audience here!
Just reading the description makes me want to quote: "Nec Caesar supra grammaticos", -- not even Caesar is over grammarians, i. e., a ruler may not dictate the grammar rules... or punctuation, for that matter
.