New to writing, but really wanna try and get things out. Oh, and if you follow me, I'll follow you back. Something I got in the habit of doing back on Twitter.
As stated in the title, this is a fan continuation of Flutterpriest's cut off, Ivy's Bullies. Please enjoy this horrible continuation from an angry fan of Flutterpriest's!
Ivy has always been a bit different. And because of that, she has never been quite welcome anywhere. But little did she know that she had somepony that cared for her that wasn't family. Loved her really, but how do you tell somepony you love her when she never notices you?
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Yay! You did it! Woo!
Could be written so much better. Everything feels rushed and long winded, and nowhere near what a school kid would be saying, nor how a person would react to the situation.
First it was Flamehoof, then suddenly Flameheart? Intentionally?
I have mixed feelings about all this though. First of all, thank you, sir, kindly for continuing the story and giving those 2 brats what they deserved - that's what I like
But the whole X-men twist didn't settle with me well...
Thee knoweth, thou has't entertained us and as we feeling especially generous the present day, we'll grant thee a deserved "thumb down" as declared in thy twised rating system *someone please add Luna's emoticon on the site*
8027344
Please point out where it changed please... I messed that up... I had no real idea if it was Anon x Fluttershy or not so I tried doing the X-Men thing poorly... And thanks!
8026673 Understandable.
8027632
In the middle of Chapter 2. This string it starts with:
""Flameheart, did you really almost kill that fool?" His father asked, both surprised and scared about the answer."
8027857 Fixed... Anything else I missed? Also, use [ quote][/ quote] to quote stories.
8038681
Cool.
I'll reread it once more
8038723 *follows without you noticing*
8038681
Well, after another read I can say that Flamehoofs speech and inner voice are the only things I stumble upon - as it was said already, hardly believable that a school colt could talk like that. Can you make it simplier?
*mutually*
P.S.: BTW, can you possibly tell me what I'm doing wrong when uploading a cover image? It always returns Invalid width error. I tried PNG and JPG, 600x400, both under 300Kb.
8026673 You should read this too.
8039902 He's supposed to be far more mature for his age as lying to him is not a possibility. As such, he has a better grasp of what is possible, and what isn't.
8041012
Hmm... Fair point I admit. He must be a real pain in the... back to communicate to
8041065 You have no idea...
You shod put a This story is a sequel to Ivy's Bullies
8118582 I did. Read the description of the story and click on Ivy's Bullies.
8118717 *looks back* oh sorry
I meant like: This story is a sequel to
like you have with Crescendo of the Undead (Fan continuation)
8118739 Well, considering the fact that that wouldn't work... trust me, I tried.
8119554 *look at the link* OH! it's one chapter in the story
8119820 Yeah.
TBH reminds me of shadow blade just sfw and no misspells. Could be done better but I mean seriously, a blind unicorn named FLAMEHOOF who can see people's auras, is able to beat up two bullies. Seems like you tried to make some superhero pony. I mean, this could use a lot of work butcontinue to write, practice makes perfect. No one starts of good at writing. You gotta start somewhere.
Make the rating system thumbs up for good, thumbs down for bad. It seems because you know this is wip so it's kinda bad u want likes ;L. It also skews the results because if someone really doesn't like it they will dislike, not like!
8252988
Good points on both ends, but I do that to see if someone is actually reading the story and not disliking just because I wrote it, or it has a tag that they don't like. Sorry for taking so long to get back to this. And... I was a little bit more... Control freak back then. Might do a reboot at some point.