Pinkie Pie preemptively apologizes to Twilight: she's going to ruin their friendship.
Twilight agrees.
Pinkie suits her better as a girlfriend anyway.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
MrNumbers
Stories about: Feelings too complicated to describe, ponies
MrNumbers
Joined 14th Jan, 2012 ·
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MrNumbers · 7.4k words · 368 16 · 3.8k views
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Fixed an import error. That bit of tiny text was meant to be size:0.7 and imported as size:73. Ha!
You are only late by two hours. Pretty good.
7949235 You assume you're in the same timezone
Also, where's my editing credit you git.
Nice I always enjoy a good Twinkie. They do make for a good couple when you get to write how their personalities play out. They are opposites in many ways but I do feel that they are in the right way and so it works.
Love the story. I like this portrayal of all the characters, and you make the pairing really work.
But you did too well describing the banana split, now I'm hungry! I'll have to wait until tomorrow to satisfy my craving, as I'm fresh out of vanilla ice cream and bananas.
In the cover art, am I the only one that thinks the blushes looked like heavy bags under there eyes or like they're deathly ill?
I umm... I, words? Are there words for this feeling of oneness with the universe, with my own emotions? There's this feeling I get, whenever I finish a good story or movie or book, of breathlessness. It's the feeling of living another life, of walking in the characters' or world's shoes, of living an entire life in a moment, and that's what I got out of this story, a satisfying sense of absolute breathlessness. Thank you.
This was delightfully sweet, but it made me think: Ponyville, and Equestria in general, would be doomed if those two got their neuroses to feed off each other rather than cancel out.
What went through my mind during the snowball fight in two words.
Beautifully done, monsieur.
Well that was a cute story, TwiPie is starting to grow on me.
I'm questioning this questionable sentence.
Breakfast is critically important - without it, the coffee tends to cause upset stomach.
[Citation needed]
Seems like Pinkie could use a stein-sized cup of tea though.
There's not the same line spacing between these paragraphs as all the rest.
What's the control group for this experiment?
Don't think you meant to put a line break here.
That poor wall.
It's usually hard to eat when you're too stressed, unless you're a stress eater.
no capital letter after a semicolon.
This doesn't seem like the healthiest attitude towards a rather unknown relationship. Seems like a route to heartache on her side.
I've read some of those.
She does, she just doesn't know it yet.
How does Twi not know this yet?
That is debateable.
Double dash marks or something? Looks odd.
I support this.
Is this sentence supposed to be punctuation free to emphasize her rushed thoughts?
What did that ice ever do to you?
When did we start playing Questions? Is Colin Mochrie involved?
Comma, not a period, after "that"
Missing a period.
I feel like, from the description, they walked into the diner from Life Is Strange.
This gives some really disturbing mental images.
Why is he giving Pinkie the keys?
For both sentences, comma inside the quote marks and uncapitalize She. And again, two paragraphs later.
Quick - go back in time and stop yourself from making the joke!
Hmm ... monsters spawn in randomly whenever ponies go on dates ... this has the potential to be a hilarious comedy fic.
Their home country sounds very confused.
Invite Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. Cadence will make it through a third and stop, Luna and Celestia will start throwing their hay fries at each other, and Rarity will be debating which method of suicide to use to wipe the memory of it happening.
Now picturing Rarity as Calvin, and the food as any of the school lunch monsters.
So that makes Dash the Mr. T?
Commia inside the quotes, and you double-capitalized Pinkie.
Spike would probably get along with the bard from Bard's Tale.
"In case." Uh-huh.
You can't take three from two, two is less than three, so you look at the four in the 64th place ...
That's not much. I mean, even with crazy financial shenanigans, how much interest can you really earn in less than 60 seconds?
I can see them reusing this line later.
Punctuation.
Wait, Cadence is here too? Is that why Buttery Biscuits keeps running into the kitchen, shouting about burned food?
*Mr.
After you were just discussing Pinkie Sense at dinner?
The next chapter has been rated Mature.
This has been a delightful read. It didn't even feel like 10k words it was.
Thank you.
7950538
Citation provided
Because there was originally another scene here which ended up being rewritten entirely. Good spot, cheers.
They're from the old country. Which old country? Yes.
Well, you ask a silly question, you get a silly answer.
I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't seriously considering it.
Thanks for the kind words, man. Gold star comment, and I think I made most of the fixes...
7950591
I was being a smart-ass, and you called my bluff. Bravo, good sir. Bravo.
Ah! I was wondering. Because Pinkie having access to her favorite diner isn't exactly a stretch.
Is their national anthem the one that starts "Ia Ia Cthulhu Ftaghn?"
Nothing brings in the
bitsviews like clopfics.Beautiful work. A lovely blend of humor and thoughtfulness, perfect for the couple. This may not be my first ship of choice for either character, but I do like it, and you made it work to an astonishing degree, especially the strength of their respective voices. Thank you for it. I just hope they don't end up conquering the world.
Actually, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm glad you changed the long description. The original one was terrible.
7951149
Ferret made me do it.
7951179
[REDACTED]
Bad on Ferret; good on Aragon.
7951149
And I wrote the new one, to boot.
Aside from, y'know, actually writing the story? MrNumbers hasn't really done a lot for this fic. Without us he'd be as lost as a puppy, I swear to god.
EDIT: I SNIPED HIM. HAH.
7951191
Actually, Aragon made me change it. I mean the first one was terrible because Ferret made me post this while I was very sleep deprived, and I couldn't think of anything good.
EDIT: HE SNIPED ME THE BASTARD
I have ALWAYS said that AJ and RD got their elements mixed up.
Also, the lounge about RD teenager was comedy gold.
Hooray for second best ship!
loved it!! and it was full on shenanigans lol perfect.
That was an excellent Twinkie. Hostess will surely be in touch about infringement.
I didn't know Hobo Code was a thing until I read this.
Oh dear.
Oh wow, that kiss at the end. Perfect. Snow-melty.
Okay, I just got to reading this now and I'm sorry it took me so long.
Because holy hell this is the cutest goddamn thing I've read in a long time. You absolutely nailed everything I love about the characters, and the way you write Pinkie is spot on.
Just, everything about this, fucking yes.
Ugh, good story man, but I need a shot of insulin now. . .stat.
I seriously want to see a continuation of this, where we see how there lives change after this story.
I really liked this. Solid characters, great dialogue, interesting narrative voice.
I may be stealing this line of thought.
I don't get it?
Twipie, or whatever the fandom designation is for it, is the ship most difficult for me to imagine. And you sold it. Completely.
Great job on a fun, heartwarming, and fun story!
Okay, loved the story (Pinkie channeling Douglas Adams was a particular highpoint) but there is one phrase that bugged me.
That phrasing seems off to me. I get what you're saying with it, but even knowing that, it looks like it should say "Pick it back up again first." Even though a) that's not what you're saying and b) "back" and "again" would be redundant in such a statement, "up again first" feels common enough for it to look like a mistake. Plus, putting two adverbs back to back after the verb phrase feels weird.
Personally I'd suggest separating the "first" and "again" aspects to make immediately clear what you're doing - something like
But that's just me. Sorry about the nitpick (and a poorly explained one at that), just stuck out a little to me.
7952088 When a bottle of hard cider is full, it is "drunk" in order to empty it. When a PONY is full of hard cider, they get inebriated, or "drunk."
Thus is one of the more subtle puns I have ever heard.
7952430 OH
Okay yeah I was just stupid.
7952435 I don't think it was stupidity. I seriously had to sit there and stare at it for, like, a minute and a half before I got it. Or maybe we were both just stupid... but I also doubt it because it took Twilight more than 2 seconds. And she's a genius.
7952088
ponies drink the bottle when it's full, and pinkie is drunk if she drinks all the cider
Omg, I never knew I wanted this ship until now. Best pony + Twidorable-ness = heart-stopping cuteness. This is another story that feels perfectly and fully satisfying as is, but at the same time makes me want more because it's such a delight to read.
I really like how you write Pinkie in this.
Well I like how you write them both. But Pinkie especially reads honest to the show, but with a little more real emotion and honesty.
Pacing was great, just enough details to build a great picture in my mind, and some wonderful slow downs for certain emphasis. Such as Pinkie's head turn, or Twilight's second 'Guh'. And snarky Spike is best Spike.
So thanks for writing this. I've got a soft spot for TwiPie and it's certainly one for a good read sometime later for a happy pick-me up,
Oh! It's a Mr.Numbers story.
No wonder I liked it. You're one of my favourite Romance\SliceOLife writers here :D
Oh man. It's been forever since I've read a good TwInkie sorry.
And that was a phenomenal TwInkie story!
When these two are shipped just right, the appeal is undeniable... and this perfectly nails that sweet spot! A delightful read!
I'm guessing that this use of "snowpony" meant "snow angel"? I originally thought "snowman" which made for a confusing mental image.
7952088 7952466
I got thrown a bit as well, not instantly picking up what was meant by "it matches mine"... at first I thought she had brought a bottle of cider as a gift as well (since they both consulted Rarity for ideas), which left me thinking that "both" referred to her and Twilight, and not her and the bottle. Looking back, I'm assuming that it actually meant that the ribbon on the bottle matched Pinkie's bow tie. Obvious in hindsight, but I had skipped over "bow" and just read "ribbon".
7953463
Right. Because snowmen are also a thing... I actually legitimately forgot about that.
I just couldn't think of anything analogous to angel, admittedly. I should seriously think of a good alternative... #HorseProblems
There are several instances of 'person' and Pinkie even says 'man'. Is this a laid back story thing and I'm overthinking it or just slip of the written word?
Otherwise, a very nice little story. Very cute, well done, and flows great. Good job!
7953794
Personal preference: Unless it specifically calls out humans as a concept, something like person can just mean a sapient and 'man' just feels like a solid exclamation.
While I'm writing about ponies, it always helps to remember I'm writing for a human audience, and clarity of language means a lot to me.
7953849 Meh, most definitions say 'person' relates to 'humans' but you're right, it's more of a personal preference, especially as it's a fanfiction. Heck, even the show has said 'man' and 'hands'. I'm just used to my own style which keeps as pony as possible (even changing mannequin to ponnequin
), and so when I come across these sorts that sometimes use 'person' I'm never sure which reason it is.
Aside from those moments where I was taken out of the story by terminology, it's was good anyways. Thanks for explaining. And renewing why I like Twipie as a pairing.
7953610 Maybe just "Snow Pegasus"? ... Not a big change from "snow pony" but it emphasizes wings more.
7953996
Yeah, that's actually a really solid suggestion. Change'd. Also, obligatory "I still can't get over one of my favourite artists reads my stories", since I managed to hold it back last time. Couldn't make it twice. Darn shame, I was doing so well.
That was great fluff. Loved the stuff with Spike, too.
Funnily the last few paragraphs sounded like something SF Debris would write. Or that may be because I just binge watched quite a few of his videos.
Anyway. I'm happy to see another well written TwiPie/PinkLight story since it's one of my Twilight OTPs. I'm only sad it's a one-shot. I love me my multi-chaps.
7954172 hey, the feeling is likewise... I'm always happy when an author who writes such great stuff knows my art!
Brilliant, beautiful, adorable. These are but 3 words that come to mind when I think back on what I just read.
Absolutely brilliant.
For your amazing writing you have been awarded the Editors-R-Us Seal of Approval. Here feel free to stick it wherever, or don't. Either way, great writing. 10/10