The day Sunburst earns his cutiemark is one of the worst days of Starlight's life. But she finds someone to help her get over it quickly. Someone who she knows she can trust for eternity.
Requested by dragon whisper 243
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 5th Feb, 2017
- offline last seen Sunday
Vixie
Uh... I like writing pony stories... Is that a good enough bio?
Vixie
Joined 5th Feb, 2017 ·
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At least now Starlight has changed for the better. Also, ponies should do more research on other species. By that I mean try to understand their culture and wha'not and sometimes ponies can come off as xenophobic given their herd mentality and all.
7941692 Yep, I'm making a second chapter more about some ponies wanting to research Leo, even if Starlight refuses.
7941706 Even Lyra? With the exception of Sunset, she's the only other pony that knows about humans and maybe not experiment the hell outta 'em.
7941713 Let's just say that Lyra has done some...Experimenting with magical portals in the past.
The opening paragraph was pretty good here. You established Starlight's mood right away to show us what we can expect from her in this story. I think adding the weather report wasn't really all that pertinent to the mood, however, and you could do without it altogether.
You then shifted the mood of the story when she met the dragon and human, which by the way was a pretty odd way to describe a human.
, and made it about them finding out what it is, after ten years of knowing each other? This seems like an odd place to put a time gap if you ask me.
7955772 Sorry about that. Most of this was requested and I just filled in most of the gaps. I can see that it's not necessarily the best written story, I get that. I'm a bit of a newbie to writing stuff.
7955784
? I like your writing. I also don't feel very good about my assessment. Let me revise my assessment when I get off work. I'll take another look at it too.
7955855 Thanks!
7955871
Are you really new to writing? Judging from your stories, I'd say you were a little more fluent with the skill than a beginner.
7955877 Well, I'm not good or bad at writing. I'm sort of neutral.
7955885
I'd say you have the makings of a good writer.
I've gathered that you have a general sense of carrying a scene, scene transitions, and you have a good sense of characterization.
7955899 Thanks!
Twi's creeping me out here. She needs a nice bop to the head for her attitude.
Twilight's treating Leo like he's an endangered species.
8110930
Apparently to her, he is when he's in Equestria