Ocean Mare

zorolu

zorolu #1 · Feb 15th, 2017 · 4 · ·

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Damaged

Damaged #2 · Feb 15th, 2017 · · ·

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Short description got my attention, long one made me curious. Then I read the first paragraph as an "I wonder if they know how to use a comma" check. Buck me if you weren't punctuating beautifully. No time to read now, but I will get back to this, and I will give you more feedback when I do.

Leapingriver

Leapingriver #3 · Feb 15th, 2017 · 2 · ·

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Seaponies eh? I do like this interpretation of them, rather than the wonky looking seahorse ones. Plus, dolphins are coolio.

You're prose is very nice, it's so graceful. Descriptive, yet not try hard, or overly wordy. It's just enough, and that's just... Amazing. People are usually so superfluously wordy and it's a drag to read through unnecessary stretches of writing, like get to the point.

I was kinda half expecting when Moon got to the body that you'd try and drag it out like its some mystery as to what it is as if the coverart didn't give it away lol. So good on ya for not doing that. And Shiela is adorable, she's so cute.

kalash93

kalash93 #4 · Feb 15th, 2017 · · ·

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Kalash of AHA here. I'll get around to your return review soon.

kalash93

kalash93 #5 · Feb 16th, 2017 · · ·

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Reading in progress. Will review soon.

Mr Deadlane

Mr Deadlane #6 · Feb 16th, 2017 · · ·

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This is by far the best seapony story that I have read so far.
Keep it up

kalash93

kalash93 #7 · Feb 17th, 2017 · · ·

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Kalash93 here to return your AHA review.

Name: Ocean Mare
Grammar: 9
Pros: Good look into Moondancer's character. Interesting exploration of sea ponies. Hot conclusion.
Cons: Moondancer isn't quite enough to sustain a story by herself. Moondancer becomes too nice too quickly. Sheila is cute but stupid.
Notes; Ah, another Valentine's Day fic. A cloppy one using Moondancer, my 2'd favorite bookhorse after Twiley. You did very good work with her and it feels authentic. Moondancer is a character whose default state as we see in the show is not one of astounding vivacity or mental health. You remembered that. The result is a nice slow burn of a story with Moondancer gradually coming to open up in more ways than one ^.^. She goes from seeking pure isolation and being concerned only with herself to having company and being concerned with anotherpony. Moondancer makes the fic and her alone would be enough for me to give an upvote. I liked Sheila, but she didn't feel quite right to be a romantic partner, because she seemed stupid or brain damaged, or just not quite Moondancer's equal, almost like someone who's mentally slow enough to not need extra supervision, but would likely have trouble coping with being independent. I wished that there was more of the old stallion from the start for Moondancer to talk to, as after him, there was a very long stretch of just Moondancer which I honestly skimmed through. The sex was alright, and I appreciate that the bond and connection between the characters was more the point than the sexuality was. It felt like a frank, if rushed exploration of the place of physicality in how people connect. I appreciate that Sheila did use sex to bridge the gap with Moondancer, because it caters to who Sheila is and what her approach and understanding is.It also takes Moondancer partially out of her element, being the kind of character who wouldread a bookshelf on sexuality and lamenting her lack of sex while being beckoned by swingers to join them for fun. I can't say that I've read anything else about seaponies, but I would very much like to see your particular take on them expanded, though not necessarily in a sequel, for this story is very nicely self-contained.

I give your fic 8/10 flutteryays for being quite good and something i'll probably recommend to others.

No Raisin

No Raisin #8 · Feb 17th, 2017 · · ·

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7954171 First of all, the review was worth the wait.

Second, I knew I wasn't the only one who noticed the pacing issue in the second half. I would've given more of a slow build between Moondancer and Sheila, but I realized the story was becoming inflated enough and chickened out. Something I'll try to prevent from now on. Third, the way that Sheila talks here is basically how seaponies in this world talk generally. They travel in pods and are not used to addressing themselves in the first person; they're selfless to some degree, and since they're usually with each other they serve one another's needs and wants on a regular basis. And like dolphins they're pretty sexually active and affectionate, so combine that with inherent altruism and it becomes easier to see why Sheila would do what she did to Moondancer as a thank-you for taking care of her.

As for expanding on my version of seaponies, I certainly hope to do that in the future. Not for a long while, but something that demonstrates them as a pod and not just one individual out of water.