Who made the picture?

8135943 In the story or IRL. If it was in the story then Twilight(aka Galix) made the image appear in Luna's head.

8123853 If this were anything else I would probably say that I am disgusted. Though here, considering that I have seen several of the movies... Good point. Just get some practice. You are steadily improving in leaps and bounds, but to make any form of "sex scene" that isn't grating on the... Eyes? Brain? You get the point, make sure you are more skillful. Honestly, you are nowhere near the best writer here. Now keep in mind, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, think. Do you think the first song say... Neighthooven ever played, nobles and royalty came from far away lands to listen? What about the first... The point is, you aren't the best, but who is at the start? You have to start at at the ground before climbing up!

8136980 Understood.

Along with punctuation and quotation, which we already talked about both before, the main problem here is your lack of general skill in story writing. I mean, I have seen ones much worse. Like, I have heard them being called "laundry list" type stories. What I mean is, I guess I will just have to show you...

Jason pulled out a machete. Jason swung the machete. The machete cut off the back legs of a pony.

...Yeah. you are far above *that* type of writing, but you still have a long ways to go. Remember, you should go into deep description, when appropriate of course. I already told you how to judge if something is appropriate on the first chapter, so I won't go into detail on "what is appropriate" but I will give you a tip for that:
When you are going into a scene with action, like fighting, racing, etc. The type of stuff that you would see in slow motion in a movie. Go deep into detail, give the reader a vivid picture on what exactly is going on. When you are going into more slice of Life stuff, we don't need to know exactly how many feet the table is away from the protagonist, or exactly what level of burnt the toast is. You can be more vague. If the scene seems simple enough, but plays a big role, is adding to suspense, or otherwise is not so simple as a "Slice of Life" Scene, but not so complex as an "Action" scene. Go into detail, but not too deep into it.

You know what I just realized? I said earlier that I wouldn't​go into detail about what is appropriate, then I just did the complete opposite... Yeah, this reminds me of those memes. You know the ones that say "I won't _______" *x drinks later...* *Shows picture* anyways... Keep that in mind, I have one more thing though, I will go into it in the next comment...

Anyways... There is one other thing, you tend to use the tool that I like to call "the easy button" I think that the name says enough, but...
The first time you used it was in the first chapter (though you have sense fixed it) when Twilight first heard the voice and was like: "Derp. Hello talking voice. Yes I will listen to you and go to your creepy tomb by that statue near that one castle, despite how creepy it sounds! I won't even consider the extremely obvious possibility of this being is a trap!" Yeah... Anyways, this is the second time you used it. Though it was considerably better than the first time, it still is an obvious "That was easy".

What I am talking about is when "Galix" gave Luna proof that she was Twilight. I mean, there are plenty of possibilities for how she got that information. For example: Galix spying on Twilight in preparation for when she masquerades as Twilight. Galix having pretended to be Twilight since that Nightmare Night, if not even longer. Galix using her space... Alicorn... Goddess... Thingy... Powers to learn what happened that Nightmare Night. Here is a tip for this type of thing. Ask yourself, "What would I do if I were in _____'s horseshoes?" In this case, Luna's. I mean, would you take the space goddess with unimaginable power for her word that easily? Or would you continue questioning her? Or would you go with what Celestia says? Perhaps you could never believe her at all whatsoever? Just ask yourself that question, and write down the answer (or answers; if answers, then choose between which one.) This will help you prevent using the "Easy button."

8137083 I will work on that as soon as I can. It might take a while but i'll find a way to make it all work out.

Okay. You are getting better and better! And honestly, about you fixing the last part, where (I am assuming) Jason's mom is talking to him, without the need for anyone to point it out, I am impressed. Just keep practicing, eventually you will get to the point where you might even get featured. Still, you have to work on putting spaces after your punctuation. Exept for the things that "Quotes", and (Parentheses) surround. And by this, I mean after. For example:
"I want some pizza!" I said, but with a stern look from mother, corrected myself. "Err... I mean... Can I please have some pizza?"
Rather that:
" I want some pizza ! " , I said , but with a stern look from mother , corrected myself . "Err . . . I mean . . . Can I please have some pizza ? "
Yeah, it can get tricky, but you will get the hang of it.

And remember, practice makes perfect.

8138716 Alrighty then I will keep working on the space after punctuation thing.

8166322 Oh, nice to know. Thank you for that.

8166322
It's also the reason why Jason didn't drown in Crystal Lake. His mother used it to cast a spell on him, and that spell made him into an undying brute... Except for the Mortal Kombat X Jason, who's a self-resurrected revenant hellbent on seeking vengeance and killing everything that gets in his way, including evil Liu Kang.

8273509
Thank you

Is everything okay? You haven't posted a chapter of this recently, is there a problem? I'm not rushing you, I just want to make sure that everything is going alright...

8279676
Yeah everything's fine I just got really caught up in working on my other story.

8279733
Ah, okay then. I might check it out if I have nothing better to do.

Ah, okay then. I might check it out when I have nothing better to do...

8279874
Ok then, just a warning you might blow your top. There are some grammatical errors. Also look at the Twilight one as that's was the one I was talking about.

Continue this, it is so interesting.

8542543
I will, just finishing a chapter for my other story

Popularity of a story takes priority.

'Sighs' another good story to add to the dead and forgotten shelf...

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