Gyvon
Joined 13th Jan, 2012 ·
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I like this setup. Very good and look forward to seeing more.
this looks pretty interesting
Please keep going
Huh. This is interesting. I await to see more.
Dammit if only it wasn't TF.
Can't wait for the next chapter. I'm gonna keep looking out for this
Also, yes I know you said this was your first clop fic but I noticed some errors
An example would be in the part where Ben went back to the castle and relaxed with Twilight and Spike. The Spike in that part wasn't capitalized.
Hence I recommend getting an editor, proofreader or something similar. If you wanted, I could help you
hmmm gonna watch this
I'll just leave my down-vote on this.
Dis gon' be good.
Looks good so far. Did I miss what the crossover is with?
Bunch of typos, but I like the premise.
7922574
Crossover? What crossover? I didn't see any crossover.
(quietly goes edit tags. Like nothing ever happened.)
7922607 same
Will there be futa on male?
As in, protagonist sucking futa cock and taking it up the ass?
7922786
Doubtful. The proportions involved, while not too out there, would cause horrendous damage to the human body.
But don't worry. Our illustrious protagonist will be "catching" later, just not as a male.
Well that's a development
7922812 Nice.
I am intrigued.
I love it! Gimme more
WHAT'S THIS (play Pokémon evolution theme) Ben is evolving!?!?!......... Ben evolved into...... hermaphrodite anthro Pony Ben!!!
Not a huge fan of the transformation, but it's an interesting setiing.
I'm kinda surprised he got so much action. You'd think the ponies would be more wary/weirded out by the alien with only a single sex. It'd be odd to them, right?
My, my. That's going to be interesting!
Though I think there might be a missed opportunity if he is already accustomed to things like that. If he freshly turned female and had to deal with the thought of BJs, being nervous, and maybe a bit in denial about her situation, that would have been rather nice too.
Regardless, I'm interested to see where this goes!
7923266 Well, not so weird, because they have species with classic gender mechanics in this world, so it's not an unknown : Spike is simply Male... And his first sex intercourse was with Pinkie, the "friend of all", who knew and contacted the ponies in ponyville the most willing to do it with an Alien, and Rainbow, in the show, has the most non-pony friendships, and has a fascination for predator species (can you transform me into Gryphon ? A Dragon ?! Please Twi !), getting in a relationship with mister alien is not so much of stretch if they found common ground. For our (soon to not be) human, let simply say that i think that in a world full of futa ponies, he must have got a lot of Why Boners... and well the first time was more Pinkie being Pinkie (Not Safe For Woona Version), even if he got in the swing of things...
Not only is every single pony in this world anthro, futa, nudist, amazingly well-endowed and pretty casual about sex, but they have freaking candy horsecum that tastes like strawberries? Perhaps other sweets too; different ponies might have different tastes for all we know. Screw this casual and his one-time blowjob. I'm straight as far as humans are concerned, but if I was in his place I'd be downright working the Ponyville gloryhole.
7923878
I wouldn't say they were "casual" about sex, rather that they don't see it as a big deal.
For instance, they'll go somewhere private to do it, but it's not a mood killer if someone accidentally walks in on them.
Fun fact: Rainbow Dash was originally going to taste like spicy mango sauce, but strawberries flowed better when I wrote that line.
7923911
... I might have to steal that for a future flashback.
Not only is it a clop fic, it's a clop fic with a plot.
No pun intended.
7924010
So it's about as intimate as, shall we say, a back rub? I get ya. Most mares would be up for some stress relief with a friend, preferably out of the way. But don't ask a stranger for sex on a park bench, that's a far shot at best and harassment at worst.
I think a gloryhole would actually work pretty nicely under those circumstances. Sometimes ponies would get horny but not have any friends in the mood to help them out. I'm thinking something like a repurposed broom closet at Sugarcube Corner, with a hole in the wall at crotch height, and a lockable door for privacy. Maybe a stepping stool for the little ones, 'cause why not. Fillies have needs too. So whenever a pony in Ponyville has five bits to spare and wants a quick no-bullshit blowjob, she can head over to Sugarcube Coner and the 'broom closet' there. Satisfaction guaranteed, or her money back. I'm sure the Cakes would appreciate the extra business that would bring to their bakery.
Nice to see some goddamn common courtesy for once.
7924965
Yeah, there's not gonna be any foalcon in this here story. If it does happen (which I will neither confirm or deny) Ben would be pretty squicked out about the idea of sex with a minor. The meta reason is that I am unsure on Fimfiction's rules regarding anthro foalcon so I'm gonna play it safe.
As for the gloryhole idea, I just may have a use for it.
7925092
Anthro foalcon is banned (see Rules -> Stories -> Don't Post (Content)), so you probably had the right idea there.
Weird.
...
I like it!
Flawless logic.
This story needs an editor, and I can halp.
If that's okay with you...
Hmm... The protagonist is guzzling up magic, have been quite clearly (and happily) with at least one of each tribe including Twilight, and the transformation went from zero to D in just one night.
I'm calling it now: The Prinsess of Sex. Hourglass figure, a Dash that can't stop grinning, and a most amusingly freaking-out ex-dude soon to follow.
7925677
1: He hasn't been with Twilight. He's lived under her roof, but they haven't shared a bed (yet).
2: He's not turning into an alicorn. I won't say which tribe, but it will definitely not be an alicorn
7922812 Bad Dragon. Also, possibly magic. But his personality doesn't seem to agree with taking it while still fully male. Still, the option exists
Only critic is that the transition was too abrupt. Fully male to double D's in one night is too much, in my opinion. Let him wake up at least once to having A's fondled. That and, in the vein of the comment flashback, it gives more opportunities for interaction with others, I'd say.
That is, if this is going to be a long story. If you're planning just some four chapters more a more sudden transition is indeed better.
Following either way, this has potential
7926642
Well, I'm sorry to say things are gonna get a bit more abrupt next chapter. Now, he's not gonna go from being fully human to fully pony in 24 hours, but it's only going to be a week tops (in story). There will be an in story reason for the rapid change (which the almighty Sunbutt will exposit in a couple chapters. It's her job in these types of fics after all.), but the meta reason is that I want to keep the character off-balance, having to get used to a brand new change just after getting used to the last one.
Don't get me wrong, it's a valid critique, and I appreciate it greatly. But I don't want to spend too long on the physical changes. Once those are done, we get to the fun culture shock. Ben thinks he understands Equestrian culture, but he's been swimming in the kiddie pool. Now he's going straight for the deep end.
well damn
suddenly: tits! would suck.
personally im not a fan of transformation stuff but I want to see where this is going.
7926773 nice! It's a matter of taste, actually. But you DID just bring a slow change into the story with that comment - the cultural one. You just made me more curious about it, now
It is good that you started after he arrived in Equestria. Just the right amount of coverage on how he got here as that is not a big part.
What he should do is have twilight fill in dates on her chart and compare it to his encounters with ponies.
7925771
...Really? Could darn near have betted on that was what being foreshadowed.
...
Sucks up magic, loves sex, and has an uncanny ability to get into ponies pants, as well as the rest of the stuff already mentioned. Changeling slash changeling queen, then?
Eagerly await the continuation, at any rate.
7927007 Hah, actually, that I wouldn't mind seeing. Though I don't think Gyvon's the type to go into bloaty egg laying. ... Might hint at it, but it reminds me of a story where instead of stealing love, someone takes over the hive/creates their own, completely dedicated to lust instead. Phew.
7928696
I'm trying to keep the extremity meter down on this one. Nothing against it, but that particular market is oversaturated atm.
Not that things won't get kinky, especially once Cadence (AKA the resident sex goddess) shows up.
since no one else said it I will
7928910 Can only imagine what Celestia looks like.
Also over saturated? I must not be looking in the right places. .... ... or I am. Hell I dunno man.
Nice to see you writing again. One tip I have is to go easy on the usage of parentheses and double check with Spell Check.