This story is a sequel to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 3
It's back for a fourth time, that series that seeks to answer the question "What if that episode had been written differently?"!
This is the biggest installment yet, sixteen episodes are up for a rewrite, and among them are six episodes from Season 6. Including one episode being stretched into a two parter, and another two parter being rewritten. But which episodes are among the sixteen will that be featured here? You'll have to read to find out.
Once again you must all remember that the episodes included here are the result of personal opinion, so don't get upset if an episode you didn't like doesn't appear here or an episode you did like does appear. I will gladly respect your opinions if you promise to respect mine. And as always, you are not obligated to read any of these chapters.
Yet again I must mention that I mean no disrespect to Hasbro, the DHX staff, or anyone who likes the episodes that will be included here. The intent of this fic is for entertainment purposes only.
Want to see what episodes have already been re-written? Check out volumes 1-3! Volume 1 can be found here, Volume 2 can be found here, and Volume 3 can be found here. Apologies for the image, it was the best I could find for Season 6.
Awesome chapter
Brilliantly re-written chapter/episode. And, yeah, your reasons for the re-write make pretty good sense. Also, great job on treating the moral somewhat seriously while visiting at least A LITTLE karma on early-Diamond (not much, ultimately, but at least some). And, yeah, I'll certainly be looking forward to the next chapter/episode, but am more than willing to be patient.
Hm now I'm curious as to how or what you change in Flight to The Finish, I'll look out for that one.
Hey there. Once again, very good job on the rewrite. Yeah, as you said, it DOES make more sense for Bloom to trust one of her friends putting the image in her head by accident than to trust her bully trying to do it on purpose. Darn good characterizations and foreshadowing too. Now, I DO have a couple of "What Ifs" for future volumes (one for Volume Five [if you DO include a Volume Five] and two for the "Comics Edition"):
"Magical Mystery Cure": Expanded to a two or three part story, with greater detail shown on the alterations of Twi's friends, a few failed attempts on Twilight's part to get her friends back to normal before she gets the inspiration she needs and some other stuff included of your choice that makes Twilight's ascension look more well-earned rather than her seeming to be excessively rewarded for cleaning up her own mess.
For "The Ponies of Dark Water": Expanded to a four part story by cutting out the election-parody story entirely and including a direct lead-off to the next four-parter (see below)
"Chaos Theory": A four part story which picks up DIRECTLY after "Ponies of Dark Water" ends, with Discord's change in behavior being explained as him being exposed to the same bizarre water as the Mane Six (and being too smart to let himself be exposed to the antidote), plus some other stuff you can work in should you choose to.
Of course, if you DON'T like the story ideas, I will profusely apologize for wasting your time.
7899137 That idea for "Chaos Theory" actually sounds really good. It would work far better than what the actual comic arc used.
7899292 Thanks very much. :-D
............I didn't like this...............
On the one hand, it is still a good story and you do have a knack for taking the source material, twisting it up, and make something new with it. I give you props for it.
But I did not like that the focus changing from the adults to the children. Because while it is true that kids can make idiotic mistakes, they are not exclusive of it. I have seen WAY too many adults make such stupid decisions that it makes me wonder if kids are smarter than them.
I would give this a so-so rating.
7901902 The reason why I changed it from the mane six to the children is that while adults can be racist, it's just really jarring for the mane six to resort to such a thing when there is little to previously indicate, including Rainbow Dash befriending Gilda (a griffon) and no one batting an eye. So Zecora, a zebra, who is similar to ponies far more than a griffon, shouldn't be attracting so much suspicion from them. Plus, children are much more inclined to believe what they are told rather than questioning it, part of why "The Cart Before The Ponies" was right to teach that children shouldn't be afraid to speak up if they think the grown-ups are doing something wrong. Adults should set an example, because children tend to imitate what they see and hear from those they look up to.
Thanks for the shout-out! And this was a huge improvement over the actual episode
7911766 Glad you liked it.
Yet another brilliantly re-written story. :-D I loved the increased detail on certain things AND the characterizations were well done too. I will most definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will perfectly understand that quality work takes time.
Hey there. Thanks again for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Once again, very good reasoning for the re-write. And you've done a great job on the characterizations, humor, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Well, on to part two of this expansion.
Hello there. Again, splendid job on the chapter. Unfortunately, I can't help much on the "previously on" part, but, again, very good reasoning for the re-write and very good point on the most recent comic arc. Anyway, the expansions of the actual episode were well done, though, really, it still doesn't exactly eliminate the little bit of Fridge Logic that FLUTTERSHY is the one that should have ascended, NOT Twilight (since Fluttershy was the one who reformed Discord). But still, all the exchanges, humor, emotional content, general story wrap-up and future story set-up is quite well done in all the right places. I'll very certainly be looking forward to the next chapter, but will respect if it takes a while.
Not much I can say other than excellent job on this latest re-write chapter. :-D The reasons for the re-write, as usual, are VERY good and, yeah, I LOVED seeing Silver standing up to Diamond, Diamond getting both karma AND hints of possible future redemption (it won't be for a while, yet, obviously, but it's still good foreshadowing). Anyway, in addition to that, very good job, naturally on the emotional content, characterization and episode wrap-up in all the right places. I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will perfectly understand if real life gets in the way.
Okay. My main question was going to be 'Since when are Spike and Twilight considered mother and son?', but you seem to have answered it in the author's note. I only read a few of these 'What If?' stories 'cause I wanted to know how you thought they needed to improve or an episode, like this one, I really love and want to read how could this possibly be made better. I have no idea how 'Three's a Crowd' can be made into a Trixie episode (this story is my headcanon for why it happened), but I'll read it when I get a chance.
Not much I can say other than, once again, splendid job on this latest chapter. Again, I can definitely understand the reasoning behind the re-writes. And, yeah, the exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up are quite well done. I particularly liked the attempts to reason with Rainbow AND how they were alert enough to catch her sabotage attempts BEFORE she did any major damage. Anyway, I DO have a couple of possible future ideas for "What Ifs"? (some for Volume Five and one for the comics edition)
1. "Daring Don't": 1. There is actually a legitimate reason given for Daring to share her adventures as "fiction" written under an alias (after all, in a world like Equestria, a lot of that stuff WOULDN'T be as far-fetched as it would be in the real world, so she doesn't have the excuse of thinking nobody would believe her anyway), 2. Twilight actually accompanies Rainbow when she goes to help Daring (and, in fact, actually single-hoofedly apprehends Ahuiztol while Rainbow and Daring are recovering the artifact), 3. Ahuiztol is shown being taken to Tartarus (which ties directly into the NEXT alteration), 4. When they are delivering Ahuiztol to Tartarus, Twilight, Rainbow and Daring find out that one of the prisoners escaped relatively recently (it won't be said WHO in this episode; this is just a foreshadowing for the season finale).
2. Twilight Time: 1. It is clearly explained that the point of this teaching time is so the Crusaders can have carefully supervised activities that focus on what they are ALREADY good at and ALREADY love doing. 2. Sweetie Belle's magic training could involve her learning to telekinetically manipulate drum sticks, violin strings AND piano keys all at the same time WHILE singing. and 3. Even though Diamond is still in the chapter, she actually doesn't make any trouble. Rather she is just looking for a trustworthy authority figure to talk to about her mother issues (basically she is looking for somebody that 1. She KNOWS her mother can't bribe or bully and 2. is a heck of a lot closer and cheaper than a psychiatrist), which is yet another bit of foreshadowing to her future redemption.
and 3. "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep"?: Basically just a Slice of Life piece about Luna talking to a psychiatrist (appointed by Celestia herself) about her - various issues - without taking any extreme measures to punish herself.
Now, for the comics:
"Friends Forever Issue 28": It pretty much involves Luna writing a children's book in an attempt to better connect with modern children (with a note that this story is set BEFORE the second holiday special) and having a bunch of children (including, of course, the Cutie Mark Crusaders) gathered as sort of a test group/idea board so that she can have a better idea about how to write the story (after all, who would be better qualified to judge a children's book than actual children?). Of course, there are brief cameos by Rainbow, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon that show Luna getting their permission to include characters based on them (after all, she might be one of the rulers of Equestria, but she isn't above the law)
Of course, if you don't like the ideas, I DO profusely apologize for wasting your time. At any rate, I will still be looking forward to more, but will more than understand if real life gets in the way for a while.
7936436 I like some of those ideas, but I haven't really considered if I would rewrite Friends Forever at this point. If I did it would probably be in a seperate series of comic rewrites, as Friends Forever has different demands compared to the main series. As for "Daring Don't", regardless of what Ahuizotl does I don't know if him being sent to Tartarus is appropriate, and if Twilight learned of an escaped prisoner she would be on the lookout for it and wouldn't be so surprised to learn about Tirek in the Season 4 finale (which would likely require a bit of a rewrite for Twilight to at least piece together Tirek was the escaped prisoner she heard about earlier). The "Twilight Time" idea is a good one, perhaps reversing the roles so that the CMC end up unintentionally conceited and self centered, and Diamond Tiara is trying to be selfless, and the explanation behind Twilight Time itself could work, the synposis implied Twilight created it to help the CMC with homework but nothing in the actual episode suggested that (either an early draft or a mistake of information, synposis have lied or been misleading in the past though). I could maybe work the "Do Princess Dream of Magic Sheep?" therapist angle, and even throw in a twist ending where the therapist turns out to be Celestia herself.
If I do ever rewrite Friends Forever (and I probably will sometime in either 2018 or 2019, especially if I push out another rewrite volume this year and then the sixth volume would likely only consist of Season 7 episodes baring possibly some Seasons 1-6 episodes I haven't yet thought of how to rewrite that I disliked and that list is shrinking) Friends Forever #28 would indeed be high on my list of issues to rewrite, I actually labeled it as the worst Friends Forever issue on a blog on my Deviant Art account, even beating out the widly panned Friends Forever #14 (which would probably also be up for a rewrite in a rewrite series).
7936526 Yeah. I suppose that DOES make sense. Thanks again.
7936537 And thank you for the ideas, "Twilight Time" is an episode I've been considering rewriting as early as the third volume but I was struggling to think of how to best fix it since it wasn't outright bad and mostly just medicore.
Once again, great job on this latest chapter. As usual, the reasons for the re-write are well-thought out. The exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up were, once more, also superb in all the right places.
I particularly liked your giving Coco more of a real role (as well as a good reason to be in Fillydelphia in the first place). Further kudos for doing a careful balance between protesting an unpopular law and staying within the law while doing it.
Unfortunately, I STILL can't think of anything to help on the written "Previously On" part, so if you can't think of anything by the time you get around to your version of "the Cutie Re-Mark", perhaps it would be better to skip the "Previously on" and get straight to the action (albeit with Spike doing a few second rant that covers most of the "highlights" of part one while he and Twilight are dodging an attack).
However, I DO have a possible line for "the Cart Before the Ponies" (assuming you haven't thought of a similar or better line [which is entirely possible]): At an appropriate point, Diamond can flat out tell her mother two of the awards actually directly contradict each other; which means that it would be literally impossible for her to win ALL THREE awards. (leaving out the stuff about playing fair and having fun being more important than winning anyway because, while Diamond might think that now, she also knows her mother too well to think she would listen).
At any rate, good luck on your real life stuff. And I will still be looking forward to more of this, but I understand real world stuff comes first.
7946617 You know, that would actually be a good point to raise. Probably once Spoiled's efforts at ensuring her and Diamond Tiara win backfire and ruin the race for everypony involved, just to add the cherry on top of the call-out sundae for Spoiled.
7946867 Yeah. That would be great. :-D Thanks very much. :-D
I would of loved for the episode itself to be like this, now I will gladly wait for newbie Dash and cart before the ponies.
And like that, you successfully, and single-handedly, made The Cutie Re-Mark far superior than it ever was before. And i applaud you for how well you tackled all of the issues, and details that held the 2-parter back. And what you added just made it even cooler: i was wholeheartedly invested in this story! And it makes me glad to know that such a great writer exists. Awesome work, and good luck with any personal life things you may have to deal with in the future.:)
Not much I can say other than thanks greatly for getting this re-write up. Again, great reasoning behind the re-write and splendid job on the emotional content, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Now, on to part two.
Sorry it took me a while to get around to the review, but I got called for dinner. Anyway, this second part is QUITE well done. I particularly liked how well you solidified two of the main alternate timelines, gave Celestia a better role, showed Twilight, Starlight and Spike all working together quite well AND had both Nightmare Moon AND Chrysalis defeated BEFORE the timeline was fixed in addition to all the other stuff at the end. All in all, a great improvement over the canon episode. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this, but am quite willing to be patient.
This is great. Really my only probalem with this fic is something that was wrong in the episode as well that being applejack really should have stayed in manehatten but really that's just my own theory,,,,,,, A pony theory! I'll be leaving now
Awesome chapter
Are you going to rewrite Newbie Dash and 27 Pranks Later?
7975888 Newbie Dash: Yes. 28 Pranks Later: No, not in this volume. I am going to do a Volume 5 though, and 28 Pranks Later will definitely be on the list (the other episodes I know I'll include in that one so far include: Swarm of the Century, Twilight Time, Leap of Faith, Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?, Rarity Investigates, Gift of the Maud Pie, A Hearth's Warming Tail (Two Parter), 28 Pranks Later, Where The Apple Lies, and Top Bolt).
Not much I can say other than excellent job on the re-write of this chapter. Again, very good reasoning behind the re-writes. The emotional content and humor are quite well-balanced and it was good that Twi, despite her semi-understandable reservations, WAS willing to at least try give them a fair chance here. I particularly liked the "sibling-type banter" between Spike and Starlight at the end, though I'm surprised Starlight didn't make any comments along the lines "I wonder how Rarity would take it if she found out" when Spike offered to let Trixie sleep in his room for the night. or ending her denials concerning Sunburst with "Look who's talking, mister "'I have an insultingly obvious crush on one of my mother's best friends'"."
Now, I don't have any more suggestions for later re-writes as of yet. Well, beyond expanding upon a re-write you are already thinking of for the Comics Edition:
For "the Good, the Bad and the Ponies", Twilight's absence (as mentioned when you discussed the re-write earlier) could be justified by the story taking place DURING "Rainbow Rocks" [meaning Twilight is busy in another dimension at the time] with Rarity's absence being explained as her being busy with a very important client. Though you might still have to Nerf Pinkie Pie (considering her abilities truly ARE only limited by her imagination) and Rainbow (who loves a good fight just as much as Applejack does plus has a healthy speed and maneuverability advantage over Longhorn and his gang) so that Longhorn and his gang even last to the end of Part One so that Part Two can be focused on the search for AJ's missing relative.
Of course, if you don't like the idea, I will completely understand. And, at any rate, I will still look forward to more of this. However, I can quite understand that re-life concerns have to come first.
Of course, if you CAN keep up "the two updates a week" (which you haven't had a problem with thus far), you'll probably have this volume finished by mid-March. Though I can understand "early April" to give yourself a little leeway.
7976225 I actually went and added that little line from Starlight towards the end, and thank you as always for the inspiration and ideas.
7976248 Thanks very much. And you are quite welcome (in that order of course). :-D
Say, what do you think of season 6?
7976762 I have personal blogs detailing that, but I personally consider it the best season. I'll admit it wasn't as great as it could be, especially in regards to the game changer that was Season 5, but it seemed to be more consistent in quality. Only one episode really angered me, the rest all some good things going for them (it's just that some had the good outweigh the bad). This was actually an episode I personally enjoyed, but a lot of people disliked it and considering what I'd previously rewritten, I knew I'd have to kind of tweak it to fit my continuity.
Now this handled things a lot better.
This is the worst episode of the show in my opinion. So reading this was pretty enjoyable.
Again, excellent reasoning behind the re-writes. Superb work on this episode in general. Definitely a huge improvement over the canon episode. Superb work on the characterizations (particularly in regards to Spitfire), exchanges (particularly the "friendly competition banter" toward the end) and over-all wrap-up. The flashbacks, in particular, were rather well done.
Now, I DO have a possible few ideas for a possible re-write of "Ponyville Confidential":
1. Maybe you could show Diamond being inspired by some of the more sensational newspapers in Manehattan (particularly one that is a subtle season six foreshadowing).
2. There could be a scene where Diamond and Silver have a bit of a squabble concerning Diamond's tastes for yellow journalism, with Silver leaving in a huff concerning her failure to reason with Diamond. Diamond, however, convinces herself that Silver will come back once she proves herself right.
3. At the point where Diamond tries to resort to blackmail to keep the Crusaders under her hoof, the Crusaders could flat out refuse to give in and voluntarily out themselves before Diamond can (after all, the pictures Diamond had were, at worst, humiliating, and they've endured much worse than humiliation before).
and 4. The end could include Diamond getting utterly chewed out by Cheerilee, Filthy Rich AND Silver concerning her methods (particularly attempted blackmail) BEFORE the REAL punishment is revealed.
Plus, for the possible "Daring Don't" rewrite (which I can understand if you don't want to do it), maybe there could be something revealing that Twilight's mother is A.K. Yearling's publisher, perhaps even with Twilight's mother getting a speaking cameo after the adventure is over (replacing the previous idea concerning Ahuiztol being sent to Tartarus post-defeat).
Then again, if you don't like these ideas, I will completely understand and profusely apologize for wasting your time.
At any rate, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to be patient.
7984770 Those are all good ideas, but I think the episodes work pretty well as they are. I've actually had that headcanon about Twilight Velvet since Daring Do, it would explain how Twilight knew the publisher and that said publisher could provide details to A. K. Yearling's location.
7984785 Fair enough. Yeah, I can understand that.
Those indents, seriously need to be UN-indented. Your Paragraphs start in the middle of the page for ponies, sake, just like this Commen--oh, bother...
7985319 I don't know how exactly that happens.
Josh Scorcher is a giant idiot to have given Newbie Dash a positive review!
7985550 I understand what he was trying to do, I just think he saw things a little differently considering his experience.
7985590 Maybe
The wonderbolts get more hate than they deserve by most fans. Sure, they may come off as rude sometimes and maybe they have their downsides, but so does everyone. It seems like people forget that they are nice characters off duty, and Soarin is probably the nicest wonderbolt in the show.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As usual, very good reasoning behind the rewrite. The characterizations were great and you did a splendid job averting Plot Induced Stupidity. Good use of Starlight in a minor role too. I'll very definitely be looking forward to the next chapter (which is the third-to-last for THIS volume), but I certainly understand that real world concerns have to come first.
7989887 Yeah, at least a few people have mentioned his nickname should've been "The one Wonderbolt who isn't an a$$ hole", and I can see why.