- Member Since 23rd May, 2013
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Holocron
Gaze within the Holocron and see what stories it has to tell.
Holocron
Joined 23rd May, 2013 ·
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Talk about kicking off with Twilight's mom.
Definitely worthwhile. Eagerly waiting for the breaking of Night Light into a new pet as well.
I want to like this but cuckolding is such a boring fetish so sorry gotta downvote.
Kinda curious if you or the commissioner was inspired by a certain ongoing series by Saurian, as it's pretty much the same except Velvet's motivation to visit Zecora the first time.
Also:
...I have no idea what that bus is doing there.
8428800
I commissioned Saur for the certain comic back in November. I approached Al (Alchemicgree) in January this year about doing a story about basically the same subject matter because I wanted a full-length story of the idea as well and to fit in anything that we didn't get to have in the certain comic.
In the end there were changes made to the certain comic like Zecora not breaking her rhyming speech pattern and we accidentally left out the cuckold element. By the time I discussed the story scenario to Al I decided to also include the impregnation kink too. So I think what you see in the story here is closer to the initial vision I had.
Both of these guys are great artists and I can't appreciate enough that they were willing to draw/write this idea of mine! Same goes to Poprocks too.
I hope that answers your question! :D
8428937
Ah, like that. Thanks, that explains a lot.
So yeah, I don't think this is as good as it could've been. Now, the response to that would be "What were you expecting; this was a cuckold story." Well for one, I was expecting an actual cuckold story.
As it stands, it's just a cheating story. It's not a cuckold story until Night's crying in a corner with his inexplicably diminutive cock at full mast, whilst Velvet is enraptured with the only dick in the world that will sate her neglected cooch, stuffing as many holes as it can.
Speaking of dicks, Zecora was a bit out of character. Sure, it's true that we've never seen Zecora have sex on the show, so there would be an infinite number of ways that a futa version of her would approach the married mother of a close friend of hers. However, I doubt she would be quick to turn her into a prolific pony power pussy with baby-making functionality for 39.98 at Rich's Barnyard Bargains... at least, not for no reason.
When I first saw this story, I imagined that the reason Zecora had this as a job offer was because she really needed an assistant, one that would help blow off her excess libido so it wouldn't affect her hobbies or social life. Any sort of complications would result from her addictive cum and her high fertility. But with this story, it'd seem that all Zecora wants is more than just release; she wants to bend someone to her will, both in morality and in sense of self, even if it means completely destroying that person's love life. Essentially, she's no different from the average cuckold story, except she rhymes sometimes.
Night's fall in the beginning isn't really believable, either. It's said that he got fired, but why? Did he screw up? Were there smarter and more efficient people than him? What does Twilight or Shining Armor think about this? A little more explanation would go a long way in elucidating the situation.
But yeah, those are my overall thoughts of the fic. It's not terrible, but it's not very outstanding, either. There's this one guy named SlutWriter who makes similar stories, and while they aren't too unique, there's just enough description that makes it seem fresh and interesting. I dunno, I'm kind of a weirdo.
8430954
You make interesting points! I'll try and address them as best as I can.
"It's not a cuckold story until Night's..."
I think you could argue that one does not need to be present or even know that they are being cuckolded to be a cuckold, especially if we go by what the definition of term which is "the husband of an adulterous wife." So while it's not as severe as Night being made to watch, it is still technically happening therefore I would still consider it cuckolding, ALTHOUGH what you have suggested sounds pretty great and I definitely might try and have that implemented in the future albeit with someone other than Velvet.
"Speaking of dicks, Zecora was a bit out of character..."
True, but I think the second we gave her male genitalia she could be considered OOC, or that she's the star in a cheating/cuckolding story. As you said we don't know what her attitude towards sex is in the show so I think that gives us some free reign on that aspect at least. While her personality seems out of character here with Velvet, she still acts and rhymes the same when in public or around others that aren't under her sway to keep up appearances which we can see a little bit with how she keeps the facade up in the beginning with Velvet when they're alone but drops it completely soon after she sees Velvet become vulnerable.
"But with this story, it'd seem that all Zecora wants is more than just release..."
Yes Zecora is depicted here as being malicious in her motives; that's just a facet of her personality in regards to this story. She gets the most pleasure from bending others to her will, and she sees Velvet as very attractive and as something she wants so she takes steps to get that. It wasn't included in the chapter, but I figure Zecora would hear about Velvet and Night's plight from the grapevine and then move to strike by putting the ad out soon afterwards.
For the long term I think Zecora would keep most of her affairs under wraps, as that's part of the blackmail kink, but to also avoid any mass confrontation (not that I don't think she couldn't obviously handle herself) until she holds enough sway over people through blackmail that she could carry out her actions without any issues. By the time this chapter ends, it's several months into the story and Zecora would hold a storng significant influence by then.
"Night's fall in the beginning isn't really believable, either..."
In the story I was given the opportunity to focus more on the story, but I opted to cut straight to the sex and focus on that instead. It could be boiled down to that I wasn't exactly fussy with the details so long as they were just vague enough to let suspension of disbelief work it's magic. I guess I don't have to have as much of the finer details than others, which is why the story is what it is as of right now.
The story, along with Zecora's character and the other ponies she interacts with along the way, will probably be expanded on in future chapters **but nothing is set in stone**.
Thanks for the feedback :)
8431181
Not necessarily. Giving her an additional attribute doesn't make it a character break. A character break would have to be something that completely goes against her character. You could have a male Zecora (Zicoro) and have him have a temperament befitting the change, but it wouldn't exactly directly conflict with the character of Zecora because they would still hold the same core values and would fit the same role (besides that, we don't know if Zecora has a sheath or a vagina, so for all we know, she is packing something in the cartoon).
Yeah, I'm not really into cuckolding that much. I just threw out the most basic ending that netorare stories usually have. I just wanted to see the author's first chapter because it intrigued me. There's only three ways for a cuckold story to work for me:
A. The protagonist is to be the one cuckoldinging someone, and they don't act like too much of a douche.
B. The guy being cuckolded is the guy who suggests it or consents to it. It can either lead to hijinks or introspection in regards to how the cuckolder feels about it.
C. The guy getting cuckolded deserves to be cuckolded beyond "just being pathetic". Maybe he treats people like garbage, or he's just devoid of any sympathy.
D. It either has a sense of humor, or the characters move past the mold of their archetypes. Ergo, the cuckolder isn't just a walking cock monster, the wife/girlfriend doesn't cave the second she gets a scent of "real man meat", and the guy getting cuckolded doesn't fade away into despair because his wife/girlfriend is doing it with one or more dude(s).
Two examples I can think of are this one involving an eccentric millionaire (Yoroshiku! NTR), and this other one involving centaurs (Akogare no Senpai wa Kentauros | My Dear Centaur Senpai). But that's just me and my weird preferences.
8431306
While I do greatly appreciate the links, and I would love for you to send them to me via messager, I need you to edit to remove them or this story may be flagged.
8431306
I've actually read both of those works before and the artist for the centaur one is one of my favorites for vanilla and monster girl works. :D
8431329 K.
I loved it! Could use a fair bit of proof reading though. Other than that its one of my favourites.
8428545
Oh good. I'm not the only one who finds it dull.
so hwat, is it bad I wish that would happen to me......
8534614
It depends, would you be Zecora or the MILFs
8534786
milfs all the way, being degrade turn into o her breeidng pet is kinky and hwat, but sadly my char is a herm not full female
8535014
Lol well request a commission from me and we'll see
8535094
i might
8534786
Will this do we have regular updates
orig00.deviantart.net/e72f/f/2013/127/1/3/thor_and_mlp_meme_for_fimfic_by_ponpheonix-d64fsvg.jpg
8535094
When is the next update?
Now what you DON'T see is the part where Night Light finds out about this and divorces Twilight Velvet. Nor the parts where Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armour refuse to talk to their mother and abandon her to the realization that she's nothing more than one of many of Zecora's worthless sex toys, and that her life as someone her family loves and respects is over because she couldn't control herself.
But seriously, this was pretty hot. Nice emphasis on the musky balls.
so basically Zecora is going after every mare that is married and has atleast has 1 kid?
9046998
Well, yes. Kind of a given, what with MILF in the title...
9047062
lol
Could you do another MILF story involving Spike being consensual to Cheerilee?
do botton's mom and rarity's mom, rainbow's and fluttershy's mom silver spoon's and diamond tiara's mom hell after u can make a side series where zacora can fuck all the daughters as well into fuck socks may be go through all the mom shone in the series you go
9072525
Don't tempt me
9073296
rofl it wasn't a tempt it was a suggestion as i want to see it the twisted thought of almost all of the females in ponyville being zacora's fuck sock to tempting
9073592
Depending if the requester wishes to commission more MILF mares to be broken.
Might of missed an "s" here.
9121212
Thank you, sometimes these things just slip by us.
Great job
Oh wow, great stuff!
Meanwhile on Sweet Apple Acres
Applejack: Uh, Granny Smith... you okay.
Granny: I feel... a disturbance. APPLEBLOOM! LIGHT THE INCREDIBLY INAPPROPIATE STALLION SIGNAL! I REQUIRE THUNDERLANE, SOARIN, AND MACINTOSH! ONE OF THEM IS GETTING UPPITY AGAIN!
9904144
Hmmm... this idea might propel this story to the whole other level if treat carefully.
9904183
I intentionally left out their other option
Everyponies a stud till Rockhoof enters the hut.
It lives!
Amazingly good chapter! Keep up the good work!
Shinning Armor better be careful sounds like his wife is next.
9921463
Yeah, pretty much.
9914035
You sick, degenerate fuck... That's a good idea!
9953184
Well, considering our milf hunters current steps, going from a poor family with a somewhat lackluster marriage (i.e. Night light seeming to be unable to provide and unable to satisfy) to a happy if unfulfilled marriage (poor Mr. Cake) than to a powerful mare in a dominating and demanding place rich and secure.. the next logical step for the milf hunter would have to be someone powerful.. in a good relationship with a good example of a powerful male.. that way she can get the high from conquering such a mare and proving she is MUCH better than the seemingly powerful and impressive stallion.... at least if I am reading her the way I think I am
9953439
You're not wrong. But let us not forget the last option, fuck all the MILFs.
9953635
Yep, you're doing God- hold up... Pardon me, but I am quite outdated since I stopped at S4. Which Elements have parents?
9957692
All the Elements have confirmed parents.
9957808
Ok, we easily have 4-6 Element Milfs, Milano Mash, Applejack's aunt...
hope to see the new chapter soon and hope to also see every milf at zecora hooves waiting to get there filling
So its last chapter or can we hopeto see in future some more?