Colgates Rants 5

by StormLuna

Prince Shining Armor

Hi, it's me Colgate again. As you all know, I have seen more patients than I can count and quite a few of them are either idiots who don't brush or non-paying bums that I have to punish. Here is the new list and let me tell you, some of them piss me off more than you can imagine.

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As many of you know I am starting to get more and more patients coming down from the Crystal Empire. Perhaps it is because their local dentist died or something but hey, it's all good because I get more income, YAY!

The royal family up there has made me their official dentist, despite me being a complete bitch towards them most of the time. I've seen Cadence, who you all know that I own, Flurry Heart, who likes to damage things and this time I get to see Prince Shining Armor, woo-hoo!

One day he came in and in most cases he would have left his wife and daughter with Twilight. This wasn't the case this time though as Twilight ran off to Canterlot a couple days ago. She said something about having to "perform her royal duties" with Celestia. I have a feeling that Celestia may be doing something with my property that will piss me off but I have bigger problems, such as Shining Armor's appointment and making sure his daughter doesn't destroy anything. Normally I would have made sure he had a way to pay but hey, if he doesn't have any money on him, I'll just take something from their treasury again.

Once I got him back he was very apprehensive about opening his mouth and I had a feeling I know why. He doesn't take any better care of his teeth than his sister does. Oh wait, his are worse! He had five cavities and advanced gingivitis. Yeah his weren't the worst teeth I've ever seen but it is the principle of the matter. Like every other pansy with bad teeth, I had to pry his mouth open with my magic so I could get to work on them. Want to know something else? He began fidgeting and squirming in the chair and that made things more difficult on me so I did what any good Alicorn dentist would do, I stunned him for a while. I would have simply beat him until he was unconscious but I didn't want everypony thinking Cadence is a husband beater.

While he was laying there stunned, I got to work on him. It wasn't long until he, despite being stunned, began to scream in agony! Oh shit, I forgot to sedate his mouth, oopsie! Well I sedated his mouth and everything else went alright, for the most part. The only problem I had was when Flurry Heart came flying back to check on her daddy. Well she damaged the exact same light fixture she did last time she was here before landing on my back and embracing me. Ok, I'll admit, she's adorable as hell despite liking to break things but because of the damage she caused, her parents will be billed for it.

Once I got him finished and led him up front I discovered that like always, the only thing the royal couple was carrying were their stupid TiaCare cards so once again we headed up to the Crystal Empire. I knew exactly what I wanted and Cadence knew it as well. When we arrived up there, we headed to the treasury and I began to levitate that silver Alicorn statue to myself. Yeah Cadence wasn't one bit pleased about it but she knows the terms of my agreements. What would happen next would be even funnier.

As I was carrying that statue to the royal train, Flurry Heart was STILL riding on my back and when Cadence went to get her, she fired energy at her and clung to me more tightly! After another ten minutes of Cadence trying to get her, she finally let go of me. I do have a feeling though that one day she may turn on her parents and want me to play the mother role for her. If that was to happen, I'd raise her to be my hygienist so I'm not cleaning teeth all the time. That way I could see more patients and bring in even more money!

Now that I have this silver Alicorn statue, I am going to have to build my own personal treasury onto my home. After all, with everything I've took from them, the yak statue and all the relics I store for Daring Do, I need somewhere to store them. Just for the fun of it I'm going to put my private office in there so I can admire all my pretties too!

Comments

[RaritySimper44]

Colgate is a hoe.

[Twilight sparkle565]

As many of you know I am starting to get more and more patients coming down from the Crystal Empire. Perhaps it is because their local dentist died or something but hey, it's all good because I get more income, YAY!

Did Colgate murder the Dentist from the crystal empire so to get more money wow dark

[StormLuna]

11008845

You know Colgate will stop at nothing to satisfy her insatiable hunger for money.