She really should have known better
She really should have known better. Even still, Luna wasn't quite sure how it had happened. A clear culprit was her complete immunity to cold, and her affinity with winter. Had she been a normal, mortal, pony she would have noticed that it was much too cold for anyone sane to be outside. Unfortunately, due to her comfort in the coldest of temperatures, she hadn't realized exactly how desperately, numbingly, dangerously cold her clear winter morning walk had been.
It also wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't been sipping hot tea before her early morning jaunt. But she had sipped that tea and it had been glorious. She wouldn't change that. No, what she would change, if she could change the past, would be the infuriating ice melting salt.
Salt had used to be a rarity in the old days, and it confounded her when her ponies threw it on the ground to melt snow of all things. A thousand years ago that would be seen as some form of insanity, but now it was apparently common sense.
She hadn't asked about it because she didn’t want to appear simple, but she still had questions. Was it really salt, or was that just what ponies called it? Was it some similar chemical mixture that happened to look the same and melt ice the same? Where did her little ponies get so much salt they could literally throw it around and walk all over it? What sort of inane debauchery was this? Was she simply mad?
In the early morning darkness, before others had woken up, she had decided to answer one of her questions. She had been walking, enjoying the castle courtyard, when she noticed the falling snow land on the salted pathway. The grainy substance crunched under her hooves. A desire grew withing her, and she had to know if it was real. A truly wise pony would have ignored that desire. But Luna’s urge only continued to grow. She glanced around once more, nopony else was here to see her. On the other hoof, there was no way in the deepest pit of Tartarus that she was going to be caught licking it directly off the ground.
Disguising a casual glance, she inspected the courtyard. It was decorated for Hearth's Warming, and the crisp snow was gently falling to the ground. The muffled air was brisk, swirling around her hooves in light flurries. Most importantly, there was no other ponies up quite yet. Even if somebody was peeking from a window, no one would see her through the falling snow and the only light was a few softly glowing electric lamps ontop metal lamp-posts.
Luna nonchalantly walked next to one of the posts, and looked closely around. She should have known then, the snow was collecting on the salted path. Clearly it was too cold for the salt to work anymore. The temperature must have been somewhere between bone chilling cold, and true depths of a frozen hell cold.
She could have done many things different. She could have picked up a pinch of salt, and taken it back for inspection later. Maybe sprinkled it on Celestia's breakfast. She could have at least made a snowball and scooped some salt with it, taking it away from the lamp and into the darkened corners of the courtyard. But instead she had attempted to be completely nonchalant.
The salt had been splashed haphazardly around, and some stuck to various objects around her. Luna had decided, in her infinite wisdom, to simply lick it off something head height. A second's distraction would be harder for an invisible stalker to notice than an awkward dip and bow as she scooped some off the floor or a telltale glow of magic.
Moving quickly and casually, Luna had licked the salt spray off the nearest surface, the metal pole. To her infinite surprise, it was actually salt and tasted as it should—salty.
More surprising still, it stung as she pulled her tongue away. That was when she had realized that something had gone wrong—terribly, terribly wrong. The reality of her situation came crashing down on her in a cold dread.
Luna's tongue had been instantly frozen to the pole, the thin coating of salt doing nothing to stop the instant freezing of the spit on the frozen metal pole.
Realizing her folly, Luna frowned, and looked around the courtyard. No one was here yet, and there were no guffaws of laughter. Just the muted fall of snow, and the soft rustle of a frigid breeze. It was a good thing too, she looked like a simpleton, or a foal. Luna’s tongue was stuck out, with her snout barely touching the pole as a few snowflakes tumbled down around her.
This was not good.
She glared angrily at the pole as realization struck her. She was stuck with a choice. Tear the skin off her delicate tongue, or wait until help arrived.
Luna's frown deepened into a scowl. She should have known better. Princesses do not lick things. Celestia and her had come to that agreement when they were young, while arguing over food. Luna had broken the rule a few times over the years, usually with no repercussions. When it did come back to bite her, it had never happened so fast and hard as this—aside from one particularly night with a mare called Nightingale Dreams. Luna scowled some more.
Celestia would never let her hear the end of this. Luna cursed silently. Getting caught was not an option. Pulling gently, she tried to pry her numb tongue off the pole, only to find it wasn't as numb as she had thought. It felt like somepony was trying to pull it out of her mouth, and it both stung and ached.
Luna snorted, blowing warm air over the pole. She glanced around, dreading that someone would see her in this decidedly not royal state. No one was here, not yet at least.
Luna tried breathing, panting heavily in an attempt to warm up the pole. Minutes passed, and then more as she panted desperately over the frozen pole. She thought about using magic to free herself, but she specialized in ice and void. She could make a light, but not a fire. Luna kept breathing heavily, getting lightheaded and tugging desperately on her pained tongue. Blinking, she waivered to the side for a moment.
Her moist breath began to freeze around the pole, surrounding her tongue in a small thin layer of frost. Luna breathed harder and harder as she tried to warm the mess up. The pole slowly looked as though it was spinning and she began to get dizzy, blowing over her tongue and pulling hard. A panicked thought ran through her mind—she had to get free.
Luna's mind wandered beyond her panic as she blew. The reason for blowing was forgotten as she heaved breath after breath over her tongue. It didn't feel cold to her, nothing felt cold anymore. Some things felt warm though. Luna blinked, remembering something warm. Her vision darkened, And she began to fall asleep. She giggled as the world focused into a pinpoint and she began to pass out. A sharp pain jolted her from unconsciousness as her head sagged, and pulled roughly on her tongue.
Luna cried out in surprise at the stinging pain, letting her breath return to normal and her blood flow back into her head. Squinting, she focused on the pole in front of her. This whole thing was stupid. She was being beat by a lamp post. She had nearly made herself pass out from a lamp-post. Angrily she sat her rump down, facing the pole and thinking about her options. Celestia could not know what had transpired. If she couldn’t get free, she might have to kill anypony that found her.
Luna imagined that for a while, creating a vortex of ice and death in the courtyard. It seemed almost like a good plan, but Celestia would no doubt investigate, and then it would all be for naught. Luna chuckled darkly. Maybe she could just keep Celestia from waking up. If the sun never rose, then Celestia wouldn’t either.
Luna fantasized for a while, imagining how she’d make the ponies bow to her, and respect her icy might. But then she realized what they’d call her—Nightmare Tongue? Nightmare Pole? Luna scowled again. That wouldn’t do. She began to lightly tug, hoping that it would work itself loose.
Pulling her tongue off hurt, and she didn't want to tear the skin. She couldn't make fire with her horn, and teleporting like this would be disastrous. Luna briefly wished she was Nightmare Moon again. Moon would simply destroy the lamp-post and be done with this debacle.
Luna willed the lamp-post dead, but only succeeded in causing the electric light to flicker when her magic accidentally ignited it.
Luna stopped and sighed. Her morning walk had taken far too long. Celestia was due to wake up soon, and icicles were beginning to form under her chin.
Fuck it.
Luna channeled the moon.
{}{}{}{}
Celestia sat across from Luna, their mutual breakfasts in between them. Luna was nonchalantly eating berries and cream while Celestia eyed her warily.
Eventually, Celestia coughed. "Ahem. Sister, I'm afraid I have to ask you something."
Luna looked up from her breakfast, curiously. "Yes?"
"The.. ahh.. courtyard. I'd heard you decided to redecorate it?"
"Oh. Yes." Luna looked back down to her cereal.
"It's just that… well, other ponies find the light from the lamps comforting. And while I know you like the dark, for others it's a bit… intimidating." Celestia nervously sipped her morning tea.
Luna rolled her eyes. "Oh, they'll be fine. It's perfectly safe. Besides, it's just one lamp."
Celestia hummed before answering. "Well, be that as it may, there are request forms for redecorating. Our little ponies are going to just put that lamp right back where you ahh… took it from… if you don't fill out the forms." Celestia sipped again, and Luna groaned.
"Why is everything paperwork?"
Celestia ignored her, and continued, "And the lamps were all connected. When you took that one, they all went out. So there was that as well."
Luna just shrugged, and went back to eating her berries.
Celestia sighed and put a hoof to her head. "Luna, why did you do that?"
Luna groaned, and then softly spoke. "Honestly…. I got a little angry, sister. I decided that with no one to watch, I could take my frustration out on the post. This modern world vexes me, so I removed that modern post."
Celestia leaned back, closing her eyes in silent frustration. "It's okay Luna. We all get a little salty about things every once in a while."
Luna looked at her sister in abject terror, but Celestia kept her eyes closed in frustration. Quickly, Luna glanced back at her breakfast, hoping her sister wouldn't notice her lingering blush.
"I have to ask, Luna, where did you leave it?"
{}{}{}{}{}
Spike shuffled around the basement of Twilight's castle. He was trying to get to his secret comic book stash, but the basement was nearly impossible to get through. He wasn't sure why Twilight kept so much junk!
Just last week he'd cleaned and sorted it, and already there was more stuff. A broken cart, a damaged grill, a toaster with its guts torn out, a large industrial fan with a suspiciously hoof shaped dent in one of the blades, and a whole new assortment of Neighponese teas. He looked at the tea again. When had Twilight bought that? He’d been reorganizing and cleaning, making a path to his comics but he was nearly done and had a forbidden comic in hand.
He turned to leave and spotted something just laying on the floor, blocking his path out— A dented and battered lamp-post, with a torn Hearth's Warming bow on it. Salt and snow was smeared messily all over the floor, along with wet hoof prints that hadn’t been there a second ago.
Spike fell to his knees in disbelief. “But… How? When?”
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Cue the narnia jokes....
true fact, tongues do unstick of their own accord, i may or may not have firsthand experience in said area...
I remember I'd managed to tear skin off before even realize what happened... Was a good lesson for 5 yo kid.
That... was damned funny. :D
Ok, Yeah this made me smile. Good work. Who's a silly pony.
Well then, what do you normally write?
Man, whether it's a silly one-shot or depraved erotica, you really don't half-heart anything. Every bit of this was excellent.
I love Luna's characterization especially – despite the [Random] premise, her thoughtfulness and issues aren't underplayed at all.
This was good. Didn't expect this from you but glad you did it :D
Adorable.
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
But I have a question:
Is that a reference to The Toaster from Fallout: New Vegas or am I seeing things: (Start by timestamp 01.00)
7827131
I never found his personality chip. Now I am sad that I didn't put more effort into that DLC.
100% the best part of the story
7827288 Dude if you leave your brain you never become poisoned! Also the stealth suit is nearly useless unless its night time, even after completing all the test, still I always wore it because of the personality that came with. That and the auto stem-pack injection system too.
Where was I... Oh good story, yea...
7827477
Did you know there was a comic made for the stealth suit where it had a Twilight Sparkle head and a personality that went with it? The suit would, and had role-played her as well as other characters when not being worn directly. If you want, I can try to find it again so you can read it.
If this image will end up beeing a coverart more, we should expect some clop with soon.
Because srsly, two stories with the same coverart? Damn.
Well, there is always that one awkward option, if you can get your body appropriately contorted...
And this is why Luna will forever be my favorite princess
ALL HAIL THE LUNAR PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT
And now (12/29/16) there's two stories in the frontpage with the exact same artwork. (The other being http://www.fimfiction.net/story/358897/the-dangers-of-deluxe-double-dog-dares )
Apparently rather an inspirational piece!
Damn. never hit the feature box before. lol. Sorry for the delay. Been super busy, so could only check in. This is awesome!
7825884
Mist opportunity.
7825935
I will concede the point! TIL...
7825946
Ouch. Sounds like something a five year old would do.
7825947
I just wrote this cuz I liked the picture. If there was a cool picture, then maybe.
7826098
Thanks!
7826127
Applejack is. Thanks!
7826143
Uhh... Yeah... stuff. See below.
7826146
lol. Thanks! I wrote this super quick when I saw the picture. It helps that I'm used to writing 10k words at a time. My goal for this was 1k, but... meh.
7826148
Neither did I. Thanks!
7826168
7826597
Thanks!
7827131
Sadly no. I have played through that, but honestly wasn't thinking about it at all. Thanks though!
7827288
Honestly probably my favorite DLC for any game ever. I've played through it a bunch. There is just so much stuff!
7827330
Thanks! It's honestly a pretty mediocre story, so you're probably right. lol
7827477
And the weapons were amazing and the characters were great, and the map was extensive. Not to mention all the cool buffs you get and the robot scorpions. And... oh yeah.... thanks!
7827730
SHOW ME
7827832
This was 60/40 almost a clop story. Should have done clop. That's my usual M.O. Then we'd both be special.
7827854
Yeah... but then things get frozen in more places and you end up all... oh... That's what you meant.
7828111
Luna is the only bea.
7828270
Whoops. Oh well. Mine was first by a day, but I don't care. I liked the picture, so I'm keeping it. I've changed a pic once before on one of my liked stories, and it was another case of "picture inspires story", but I'm just not up to it today. Both of us are in the feature box, so I don't think they'll mind. I should go read their story. I bet it's awesome!
I like how you write Luna's thinking process here and explaining her magic in such a way that kept her stuck for so long.
Also, that 'salt' line with Celestia and keeping her knowledge of events open ended.
Well done!
7828407
but I honestly don't know what you mean by bea
I'm sorry
If "A Princess does not lick things" then "A Princess should not use the term 'salty'"
obviously luna simply did not use enough ice magic, to freeze the pole until it shatters is the real solution!
Saw the picture and it reminded me of this scene:
when i read that i got the best grin. she totally knows.
Eyup
Jack London wrote a bunch of stuff about Alaska during the gold rush (pre WWI. He was there). According to him, at 40 below zero, spit shatters when it hits the ground. I've also read that there are parts of Siberia so cold & quiet that you can hear the moisture freeze out of your breath.
So Luna not only took out every light post in Cantherlot, but she also traped Spike in the basement?
Nice one Luna, reeeeeeeeeeaally nice.
~Leonzilla
I absolutely love this little line of world building, the idea of Luna being absolutely confounded by all her little ponies blithely using what recently (in Luna's mind at least) used to be an expensively rare recreational substance to melt snow. I imagine it must have been to Luna like coming upon a janitor using bottles of vintage Dom Pérignon to mop the loo floors.
Do NOT try this at home. Best friends tounge is about an inch shorter than its suposed to be because of begins frozen to a pole.
I made the mistake of locking my lips with the freezer door open on an older freezer with metal shelf in it. Took weeks to heal and hurt so much.
Well, that was amusing. :)
I have reviewed this HERE.
This was enjoyably cute. Why does everything Luna does, whether it be happy or angry, be so damn adorable?
LOL. I love this story. You get a follow.
11092017
Thanks! You in particular might like "This is not a love story." Or it might disgust you. Only you will know! I don't think this story is my best, but other people really liked it for some reason. My guess is the sweet cover art. Most of my stories have my handmade trash cover art...
11092029
Ok. I'll be sure to read it! And you're welcome . :)
The cover art alone sold me on this. Will def. have to read!