Jared walked up from the end of the line to Big Mac’s table, glancing at his phone to double check his reservation. “Excuse me, are you Spike?”
“Uh,” Spike said, raising his claw. “I’m right here. At this table.”
Big Mac nodded. “Eeyup.” He held out a hoof to offer Jared the seat across from Spike.
“Oh,” Jared said. He walked around to the other side of the table and waved. “Sorry about that. You’re, um, not quite what I expected.”
“What, you thought he was Spike and I was Big Mac?” Spike held up a claw flat to the top of his head, then compared that to the top of Big Mac’s head. “Aw, man. I thought I’d grown taller.”
“No, it’s not that.” Jared almost got up from his chair, but hesitated and sat back down. “I was expecting you to be a pony. You know… the pony petting café.”
“But hey, instead, you get to pet a dragon!” Spike waved a claw up and down his body to showcase himself. “Dragons are awesome, right? Dragons are strong and brave and tough and they breathe fire! Check this out.” He heaved in a large gust of air, his chest rising and his head tilting back for maximum air intake.
Twilight, who was taking over Spike’s job as security guard, heard the giant gasp for air and lit her horn at the ready, in case Spike were to accidentally end up sending all of them to Princess Celestia again.
With a monstrous heave, Spike blew out a thin stream of fire, which fizzled and disappeared in a few seconds.
“Huh,” Jared said.
Claire, the human petting Big Mac, offered a soft round of applause to Spike. Big Mac joined in as well.
Spike blushed. “That was, um, supposed to look more impressive. I’m trying to do the… thing, you know?” Spike snapped his fingers, looking between Jared and Claire. “The thing, you know…”
Big Mac whispered in Spike’s ear.
“The ring of fire! Yeah, exactly,” Spike said, tracing the outline of a ring in the air for Jared. “Like when you puff a bit and then pull back, and it hangs in the air a little bit, like a little ring of fire. You know what I mean?”
Jared nodded. “Sure.”
Spike smiled. “Well, that’s what I was trying to do. I’ve done it before! It looks awesome.” Spike looked to Big Mac. “Right Big Mac? You’ve seen it, right? And it looks awesome?”
“Eeyup,” said Big Mac.
“See?” Spike said, leaning back on his chair and folding his arms. “So yeah, just picture what you just saw, but way more impressive.” He closed his eyes and pictured it. “Yeah, that was pretty cool.”
Jared held up his hands. “Look, little dude, breathing fire by itself is still impressive.”
Spike scratched the back of his head. “Heh, thanks.”
“I like your style. Sure, I’ll pet a dragon,” Jared said. He smiled to himself. “God, just saying that sounds impressive. I’m going to tell my friends later.”
Spike squirmed eagerly in his chair. “Well, whenever you’re ready. And don’t worry, my scales aren’t sharp. Some people have asked about that. You’re one hundred percent safe.”
Jared placed a hand on top of Spike’s head. He patted his head, then carefully slid his hand back. “Huh,” Jared said, stroking his hand down Spike’s back. “You’re right.”
“Yeah, since I’m still a baby dragon, my scales are super soft,” he said. He puffed up his chest. “Besides also being super tough and fireproof and handsome, of course.”
“Of course.” Jared smirked as he scratched behind Spike’s ear.
The four of them sat there for a few minutes, Spike and Big Mac unwinding under the hands of their petters. Both of them closed their eyes as Jared and Claire calmly stroked them.
Claire glanced between Spike and Big Mac, and then amongst the crowd around them. She leaned forward, almost speaking, and then in a voice almost too quiet for Big Mac to hear, she said, “I, um, heard from some friends that you, um, cuddle?”
“Shhhh,” Big Mac said, putting a hoof over Claire’s lips. He glanced at Spike, then cleared his throat. “Can’t say I know what you’re talking about, there, friend.” He leaned in close and whispered, “Spike don’t know about it. Please don’t let him on.”
Claire covered her mouth. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered back.
Big Mac cleared his throat and nudged Spike in the arm. “Hey Spike, mind doing me a heck of a favour and getting me a refill of that there apple juice? And, uh, feel free to take your time, ya know.”
Spike raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. “You know, I’ve seen you cuddle when you send me to get you a drink. The counter is, like, right there. Look, I’m totally fine with it if you want to cuddle. I don’t really care—”
“Shhhh,” Big Mac said, putting a hoof over Spike’s lips.
Spike rolled his eyes. “Fine.”
Big Mac watched Spike as he plodded over to the café counter, sliding between the line of people. When Spike was out of view, Big Mac turned to Claire and nodded.
Claire scooted her chair forward. She leaned in towards Big Mac and wrapped her arms around him.
“Oh, wow,” Claire said, smiling as she snuggled into Big Mac’s warm fur.
Big Mac chuckled. “Eeyup.”
“This is so nice.” Claire stroked her arms up and down Big Mac’s back. She pressed her cheek into his fuzzy neck. “It’s like hugging a big furry dog.”
As soon as Spike emerged from the crowd, Big Mac gently pushed Claire away. He sat back in his chair and crossed his legs casually, whistling as he scanned the crowd around them. When Spike set his drink on the table, Big Mac said, “Oh, there you are. Didn’t see you there. Thanks, partner.”
Spike rolled his eyes once more.
Jared said, “You know, I’ve been here watching this whole—”
“Shhhh,” Spike said, holding up a finger to his own lips. “So, uh, hey Big Mac, you want to tell these humans all about hoofball?”
“Hoofball?” Jared said. “Really?”
Big Mac nodded and almost spoke up, but Spike jumped in first. “Yeah, hoofball! Big Mac and I are big fans. We meet up every other weekend to trade hoofball cards. Once in a while we even go to see a game. It’s so exciting! It’s like your guys’ football, in a way, but better.”
“Oh?” Jared said, grinning. “Not a fan, huh?”
“Hoofball is great. I love hoofball. But football is just boring.” Spike groaned and let his arm fall limp on the table. “It’s so slow, for one. After one guy catches the ball, they all stand around for half a minute figuring out what to do next. Every time.”
Jared, drinking from his bottle of cola, held up a finger and shook his head. “Well, for one,” he said, “that’s not football. Football is where the teams kick a ball around, to each other and into nets on each side of the field. It runs for much longer at a time, too.”
Claire perked up. “Oh, you mean soccer.”
“We have soccer too!” Spike said.
Jared shook his head. “Just football. It’s the real football.”
“Then what about football?” Spike asked.
“Well, it’s not football.” Jared tapped his finger on his head. “Think about it. Nobody uses their feet to kick the ball. It’s not even ball-shaped. Might as well call it hand-egg.”
Spike held a claw to his chin. “Now that I think about it, hoofball doesn’t have a ball, either. They use a hoop.”
“Wait, the ball’s a hoop?” Jared said.
Spike shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, you can’t expect ponies to catch a ball with their hooves.” He stuck out his neck. “They catch the ball with their heads.”
“The hoop, you mean?”
“Yeah, well, they call it a ball.”
Claire twisted the ends of her hoodie strings. “But if they can’t use their hooves, why do they call it hoofball?”
Jared tipped his cola bottle towards Claire. “Good point. Sounds more like neck-hoop to me.”
Spike took a sip of his diamond water and shrugged. “Anyway, whether you call it hoofball, neck-hoop, hand-egg, whatever, it’s the most popular sport where we’re from.”
Claire rubbed the back of Big Mac’s neck. “Do either of you play any hoofball yourselves?”
“Nah, I’m too good for sports,” Spike said, folding his arms. “Has nothing to do with my height. Or my athletic ability. Nah, the only sports good enough for me are mind sports, like checkers and Ogres & Oubliettes.”
“What’s that?” Jared asked.
Spike’s face lit up. “Oh, you know, just the best tabletop role-playing game ever.”
Big Mac nodded vigorously.
Spike swept his claws as if casting a spell of mild interest upon Jared. “You make your own character in a fantasy world, and embark on an epic quest with your friends. You can play through a number of campaigns to defeat evil wizards, slay mythical beasts, or save gorgeous mares! And before you ask, yes, it does actually contain ogres and oubliettes. And also before you ask, an oubliette is a dungeon you get into from a trap door in the ceiling. I had to ask Twilight that one.”
Jared rubbed Spike’s scales. “Sounds like a Dungeons & Dragons lawsuit waiting to happen.”
“Is that like Ogres & Oubliettes?”
“Pretty much.” Jared held up a hand. “And before you ask, no, I’ve never played it.”
“You should try it sometime, then. It’s really fun!” Spike turned to Big Mac. “Maybe I could bring a game board tomorrow and offer anyone to play it.”
Big Mac whispered in Spike’s ear.
“Oh, that’s true,” Spike said. “Those games do take a long time, and humans only get to stay for five minutes at a time.” Spike rubbed his chin. “Maybe we could set aside a day for Ogres & Oubliettes. A special O&O day, where we run through a really short campaign.”
“Don’t those campaigns take weeks at a time?” Jared said. “You might have to open up another café just for that.”
Spike’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh… that’s such a great idea!” He turned to Big Mac and shook his shoulders, or at least tried to. “Let’s ask Twilight if we can open up a special café, just for Ogres & Oubliettes!”
Big Mac responded with an enthusiastic whisper.
“That’s an even better idea! An Ogres & Oubliettes Pony Petting Café combo!” Spike jumped up and down. “It might break the immersion a bit, sure, but it’ll be awesome!” Spike zipped out of his chair and up to Twilight. “Twilight, I have an idea!”
Twilight, having overheard the conversation, tried to keep herself from giggling as Spike elaborated. She sat there, waiting until Spike had finished to say, “Sure, we can try that.”
Very adorable. I like how they talk about certain parallels of their world regarding entertainment.
Huh, you managed to give Spike an awesome one-liner while still keeping him in character. Not many fanfic writers can do that.
Best Pony is in the Platonic Petting Cafe!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~....
He nearly lost his man card right there. A baby dragon is still a dragon. You don't pass up that level of awesome.
Ah, the wonder and limitless possibilities of youth. Only to watch it crash and burn in tree sap (so much tree sap)...
Although... an Ogres & Oubliettes themed night at the Pony Petting Café could be a hit. Shoot, there could be all sorts of themed events to crank up the hype to 11; only one pony tribe (all pegasi all day and hope you don't have down feather allergies), obligatory holidays (Valentines could get awkward since it's "platonic" after all), mare/stallions night, only one color pony day(which would happen anyway for St.Patrick's for example).
Twilight might have to physically pull Trixie from the Café however. Hordes of friendly aliens with delightfully pleasant hands that pay to fawn over you? The same aliens that would be utterly amazed by her most basic [real] magic tricks? All the time?! She died and went to heaven!
I'm lining up at Trixie's table already. The Great and Powerful Trixie deserves some Great and Affectionate petting, pronto!
ohh im looking forward to the trixie chapter
8052412
That doesn't say Celestia, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, or Sunset AT ALL.
*the five-tailed white fox queues up for a chance to pet the best pony of all best ponies, "the Grrrreat and Powerful TRIXIE~!!!", while hopping back and forth on all four paws at once, before shifting up to a Caucasian man with blue-gray eyes and long brown hair with ice-blue highlights, wearing a custom-made Trixie hoodie*
Must pet Trixie ... it is on the bucket list ...
Kind of surprised no mention was made of buckball.
8052493
I like you.
Oh god Starlight and Trixie are next. Just hand me a hundred more like buttons. Seriously.
8052493 how could you forget Derpy?
*Still in thee line to pet Maud. Eyes are closed and a trail of drool is hanging from his chin.* SNNOOOOOOOOORE. *He appears to have fallen asleep while waiting in line.*
There needs to be more fics where stallions get snuggles from human women. Most of the Human in Equestria or Pony on Earth fics are guy snuggles pony girl.
8052871
Like this.
The biggest and snuggliest of macintoshes.
Starlight would love the therapy.
Expected nothing less from big mac, you displayed him perfectly. Look forward to see trixie and Starlight
They could set up a pony-petting and general games store, so they could play Ogres and Oubliettes and Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder and stuff!
<( My WHAT?! )
The question is whether Mac knows that Spike knows but he still does it because inside joke, or he honestly believes he's saving Spike from some embarrassment or something.
So I'll go for a "yes". Best answer.
Oh that age old hand-egg debate. Well, I'm on the side of football being the sport where you actually use your feet to kick a ball. But I'm probably biased because I'm from Europe
So, a tabletop and petting cafe combo. Interesting. Might be fun!
8053661
The funny thing is, the name "Soccer" actually originated in Britain.
At the time, there were a bunch of different "football" games, so they called it "Association Football". People started calling it "Assoccer" for short, in line with the slang trends of the time. Eventually, the "A" was dropped, leaving the "Soccer" we know today.
In fact, Wikipedia still refers to it as "Association Football" on pages where it has to be contrasted with "American Football", like the list of tournaments named "World Cup".
8053413 To quote Captain America: "I understood that reference!"
Aw. I was hoping Spike would get curled up in a girl's arms like a swaddled baby.
8053736 I know that Soccer originated in Europe (as much as the British do or don't consider themselves a part of it), but I'm still biased because of how we call it in my country
The rest of the stuff though... interesting facts! Didn't know those.
8053814
No problem. I'm a Canadian computer geek with no interest in sports whatsoever, but a big interest in language and communication, so I just always say either "American Football" or "Soccer" so there's no ambiguity.
Just figured out yesterday that this story is being updated. I still thought it was a one shot.
Spike and Mac's Gaming Den!
I can totally see it.
Dash and Pinks can do cameos, and...
Oh dear god...
Discord....
I would love to see John DeLancey meet Discord here.
Wait, it might create a paradox!
Hmm how about a special episode where the poniz meet their voice actors?
8054487
I approve of this 100%.
I would have thought that in the RPG context it would mean "forgotten place" (the etymology of oubliette on wiktionary is "Borrowing from French oubliette, from oublier (“to forget”)").
No girls for Spike. Damn.
Extending the cafe to include a tabletop game? I approve of this!
Also, Starlight is next! Yay!
hehe niccccccccccccccce
These continue to be a delight to read. Looking forward to the next one
Heh. Mac has his pride, no matter how irrational.
And the idea of an RPG/pony petting cafe is pretty amazing. Especially if LARPers get involved, either human or equine.
As for next chapter, I get the feeling that Trixie's going to be insufferable.
8052412
8052493
Aurora is right, Celestia was already here!
Hopefully she gets to come back, though.
8058050
That isn't how you spell Luna.
8058059 Why, yes, I know, which is why I spelled Best Pony properly!
8058101
I do not, personally, have a favorite character, but I must say that Celestia can't possibly be the best because she always gets her butt kicked by the big bad of the season. Tirek, Chrysalis, Nightmare Moon, etc. Mostly Chrysalis though.
PS, they really need to have some villains show up sometime, like the second invasion of Canterlot, then the friggin' national guard rolls up in some tanks...
8058259 That's part of why she's the best, she's happy to share the spotlight with others!
8058263
Yeah, if you can call "being drop-kicked off the gorram stage" the same thing as "sharing"...
8058264 She's basically The Rock of Pony Princesses
8058310
That would imply there was any actual physical effort involved in the fight on her part, as opposed to the usual puppetmaster schemes she usually employs to put Twilight in the spotlight, with herself as your standard D.I.D, or "Damsel In Distress". But when she does get serious about something, it's always too little, too late.
Not hating on her or anything, just disappointed with her lack of badassery, given she once fought the same foes Twilight's burning through.
@ everyone else:
Sorry about the little debate here, it's all in good fun. I merely wanted to get in on the debate of "who's best" and play devil's advocate for a bit. From a somewhat cynical POV, admittedly, but still.
8058317 If I got serious, instead of playing silly? Celestia gets Worfed because the writers don't know how to handle her, so every time they want a Big Bad, she has to be moved off the stage. Luna has similarly had it happen to her every time she's been involved; the only reason Celestia has a higher count is that for Discord/The Wedding, they more or less forgot Luna even existed.
But yea, I'd say she's a victim of Princess Incompetency Syndrome, which Twilight has also begun to suffer from, and is a consequence of wanting somepony else to be the Hero without knowing how to allow that without, well, the Worf.
8058341
Well, couldn't they just have some "Uber" big bad that show up, and they go "all out" and nuke the guy/gal pretty quick, then have an even bigger bad guy come in right afterwards that nearly kills them? I mean, give them their moment of awesome, at least...! Maybe a few "darker/edgier" episodes would be good.
I mean, they even had to nerf the EoH by putting em back in the tree to "recharge it", which seems counterproductive. And they only worked when the bearers were at the right place in the "Forming/Storming/Norming/Performing" cycle of group dynamics for long enough.
8058348 Welcome to Toy Production, In Which the Writing Budget is Not Very Big
8058393
8058348
As Morning Sun pointed out, that's usually the role of the 'elder mentor' character archetype. So that it is understood by many people in-world and by the -entire- audience that 'this person is strong, they are crazy strong'. Then they get their butt kicked or killed by this big bad, forcing the main character (the only one actually important to the story) to have to level up and then either get revenge or defeat the enemy who took down their mentor. Since MLP can be more episodic, Canterlot Wedding was self-contained, making Cadence actually the main character for that section of the story, despite Twilight being on hand.
You can see, when Celestia and Chrysalis clash, Chrysalis was NOT expecting to be able to stand up to Celestia. Suggesting that under any other circumstances other than 'hopped up on love from this nerdjock which somehow makes me a god', chances are very likely Celestia would have smashed that out of the park. Thus setting the stage for Cadence to defeat Chrysalis in one blow and show that "our love is stronger than even Chrysalis... and Celestia". Because Worfing is there to make everyone quickly understand that this or that is really strong without having to take time that can't be spared to explain or develop strength on-screen.
Which is also starting to spread to Luna recently. Both Celestia AND Luna were Worfed by a frickin' storm so that horrific Eldritch Abomination Flurry Heart could be seen to be strong/threatening. Let us not forget, that for a thousand years (five times as long as the USA's been a thing) Celestia has ruled alone and protected Equestria from these ancient super-threats, alone. It's not like sealing Nightmare Moon in the moon suddenly stopped all bad things from happening - that'd make no sense.
And even if it wasn't just... lazy/writing shortcuts, a character's worth is not defined by their combat victories. Especially when they're not a main character.
8058101
I like you, too.
8058819 Muchly this. And as of Season 6, it's spreading to Twilight, too - hence the S6 Finale. It's why Princess Power is now a running joke, because so far we have them losing to : Discord, Bugs, Vines, Tirek, Snow, and even more Bugs in even dumber fashion. I don't count Nightmare Moon because Celestia & Luna are largely equal so they cancel each other out (Also Sunbutt was clearly prepping to save Luna, and needed somepony else to go Elementing).
And thus, done badly, instead of making the Hero seem big, it makes the Wise/Powerful seem small and ineffectual.
And it's entirely possible to remove them as a factor properly - just look at Harry Potter, and how Dumbledore actually has a good, in-universe reason to not solve each book that isn't 'Dumbledore lost'. There are tons of times Dumbledore suffers setbacks and the main characters suffer painful defeats and lose loved ones - but those are never because 'Dumbledore went toe to toe with Voldemort and lost'.
It's one area Rowling was good at - Dumbledore never loses in a straight up power, but he can (And is) outwitted and/or outmaneuvered multiple times across the series. But it works, because it's always playing upon bits of his characterization that make it fit - like that he's not the most deft at politics and so is vulnerable to being undercut in that arena, and frequently he is.
Ponies, though, goes the Stargate route, and yea. Alas.
Make Sunset come to pet Twilight, that would be glorious
8058259
I've already put a request in for an OC chapter at Chapter Ten or some other milestone chapter. If FrontSevens brings in Fluffle Puff, Chryssi might come too.