“Look, Bon Bon!” Lyra said, pointing to the human wearing gloves. “This one has hand socks!”
“Yep.” Bon Bon sighed, resting her head on her hoof and her elbow on the table. “It does.”
“They’re called gloves, actually. Motorcycle gloves,” Jason said, pulling off his gloves and stuffing them in his jacket pockets. “And this one has a name, believe it or not. Jason.” He smirked and extended his hand toward Lyra. “Nice to meet ya.”
Lyra reached for the hand and inspected it, scooting forward on her wooden chair. She rubbed her hoof across the palm. “Ooh, yours are kinda rough,” she said, squeezing the palm. “But still squishy.”
“Yeah, sure,” Jason said, holding out his hand but trying to gently tug it back out of Lyra’s hooves. “I’m a carpenter.”
Bon Bon pulled back Lyra’s hooves and gave an embarrassed smile to Jason. “You’ll have to excuse Lyra, here. She’s been hung up on human hands today.” Bon Bon pointed an accusatory hoof in Lyra’s face. “You have a problem.”
“How can you not freak out over this, Bon Bon? An entirely new bipedal sentient species. Isn’t this so weird? In a good way, I mean. Like fascinating.” Lyra pulled Jason’s hand over to in front of Bon Bon’s face. “Just look at these. It’s like five tiny hooves at the end of one big hoof.”
“Okay, and?” Bon Bon said. “Dragons have claws. Those are like four tiny hooves.”
“Yeah, four tiny, pointy, scaly, hard-as-a-rock hooves. But these aren’t claws, Bon Bon. They’re squishy claws. Soft claws. Aren’t they great?”
Bon Bon looked up at Wendy’s hand as it brushed through the smooth curls of her mane. “Yeah, I mean, they’re all right.”
Lyra held up Jason’s hand in her hooves. “Do you know how useful these would be? Wouldn’t they make life so much easier?”
“I think you’re overexaggerating,” Bon Bon said. “How about this: name one thing you can do with a hand that you can’t do with your horn.”
“I—hmm.” Lyra squinted. “What about—mm, no…” She rested her head on her chin, muttering to herself, then turned to Bon Bon with a sly grin. “But you’re an Earth pony. Name one thing you can’t do with your hooves.”
Bon Bon shrugged. “I can’t. Hooves can do it all.”
“Turning a doorknob,” Lyra said.
“Can do that.”
“Opening a jar of peanut butter.”
“Yup.”
“Turning the page of a book.”
“Yeah.”
“Using scissors.”
“Ye—hmm.” Bon Bon rubbed her chin. “You got me there. That’s hard to do as an Earth pony. More of a unicorn thing.”
“And a human thing,” Lyra said, picking up Jason’s hand and bending the index finger and thumb in a pinching motion. “These are optimally built for scissors-wielding.”
“Great.” Bon Bon smirked. “Humans can use scissors. So what?”
“So that makes hands better than hooves.”
“That one reason.”
Lyra closed her eyes and nodded, holding up Jason’s hand to her neck to guide his hand in petting her. “Yup.”
Bon Bon cleared her throat, pointing to the hand petting Lyra.
Lyra opened her eyes. “Hmm? What?”
“Never mind,” Bon Bon said. She turned to Wendy. “Zoologists, right?”
“I wouldn’t know. Never met one,” Wendy said, putting her phone away. She brushed her blonde hair behind her shoulders. “All I can say is you two argue over the silliest things.”
Bon Bon opened her mouth, about to protest, but instead turned up her chin. “They’re not silly at the time.”
“So,” Wendy said, putting her phone away. She took a sip of her venti coffee as she continued to rub Bon Bon’s shoulders. “What brought you two here to the café?”
“Well, because this one—“ Bon Bon shoved Lyra in the shoulder “—just had to go to this new world to meet these new human creatures. Once Twilight had made the call for volunteers in Ponyville, she was first in line before Twilight had even finished speaking.”
“Excuse me,” Lyra siad. “I was simply making my way to the front of the crowd to better hear her. I just happened to be closer than everyone else.”
“You were a foot away.”
“She’s soft-spoken for a princess.”
Bon Bon turned to Wendy. “Nope, you’re right. We argue over silly things.”
“But that’s okay,” Lyra said, giving her friend a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “The silly arguments are what makes it fun. It’s not bickering, it’s banter.”
“Yes, banter,” Bon Bon said, grinning. “Shenanigans.”
“Hijinks,” Lyra said.
“Buffoonery.”
Lyra giggled. “Buffoonery. That’s a good one.”
Wendy stopped petting momentarily to look between the two ponies. “Are you two dating?”
“No, we’re BEST FRIENDS—ach, ahem.” Bon Bon thumped her chest. “Sorry, something caught in my throat. We’re best friends.”
Wendy set her coffee aside and leaned on the table. “How did you guys meet?”
“We met when I first moved to Ponyville,” Bon Bon said. “She was my next door neighbour at the time, and invited to show me around town and introduce me. We hit it off and we’ve been friends ever since.”
Lyra wrapped a foreleg around Bon Bon. “Bon Bon’s a great friend. And a great roommate. She does all our dishes and cleans and everything. She even brings home some of her rejected candy for me.”
“It’s not rejected candy. It’s just not quite perfect.” Bon Bon drank some of her apple juice. “I’m a candy maker in Ponyville, and I make pretty much anything and everything chocolate or sugar coated. Sometimes, though, I’ll accidentally add too much water to a batch of peanut butter filling, or squeeze a bon bon a little too hard and crack the pristine outer chocolate shell… And, well, if I can’t use it or sell it, I bring it home and we have some dessert.”
“And it’s the most. Delicious. Thing. Every time.” Lyra thumped her hoof on the table for emphasis. “She says not quite perfect, but the only not perfect part is how it looks. Even if the peanut butter filling becomes a peanut butter soup, it’s still the most incredible candy I’ve ever had.”
“Thanks, Lyra,” Bon Bon said. “You know, you’re not so bad yourself. You’ve taken out the trash, I think, at least once.”
Lyra waved it off. “Oh, it’s nothing. Anything I can do to help.”
Bon Bon pointed at Lyra. “She’s into anything and everything animals, animal behaviour and history and etymology, you name it. So she tells the best boring stories.”
Lyra grunted. “She tells the worst exciting stories. If you think I’m weird ‘cause I like human hands—”
“To be fair, it is kind of weird,” Wendy said.
Jason nodded. “Yeah, honestly, if a human friend of mine told me they liked horse hooves, I might stay away.”
Lyra tilted her head. “Why? Is there something wrong with horse hooves?”
“No, it’s…” Jason waved it off. “Never mind.”
“Anyway,” Lyra said, “if you think I’m weird, wait until you hear Bon Bon make a story about monster hunting sound like a tax audit.”
Bon Bon glared at Lyra and whispered, “First of all, Lyra, that was a tax audit. Second, you can’t just tell these people I was a secret agent.”
Lyra groaned. “Come on, Bon Bon. Nopony cares.”
“Lyra!” Bon Bon hissed. “It’s called secret for a reason.”
“Well, it’s no secret, that’s for sure. Everypony in Ponyville knows you’re a secret agent.”
Bon Bon’s jaw dropped in despair. “Did you tell them?”
“No way.” Lyra raised her hooves. “I didn’t have to! You don’t think anypony saw you when you rappelled out of Sugar Cube Corner to fight the bugbear?”
Bon Bon’s eyes shifted. “We’re background ponies, Lyra. We blend in with the background.”
Lyra snorted. “Don’t throw a ‘we’re just background ponies’ at me, Bon Bon. That’s besides the point. You rappelled out of a second story window in broad daylight. How could anypony not see you?”
“I was in disguise, Lyra.”
“All you put on was a pair of sunglasses.”
Bon Bon rubbed her chin. “Right. I forgot to wear my moustache.” She sighed and hid her face with a hoof. “Ugh, darn it. I messed up. I’ve completely blown my cover.”
Lyra frowned, rubbing Bon Bon’s shoulder. “There, there.” She glanced at Jason, but Jason could only offer a shrug. Lyra followed suit and shrugged. “It’s not so bad.” She bit her lip. “I mean, to be honest, I could hardly recognize you with those sunglasses on.”
Bon Bon shook her head, her face still buried in her hooves. “You’re just saying that.”
“Yeah, I am,” Lyra said, hugging her friend. “But secret agent or no, I like you all the same.”
Bon Bon slowly raised a foreleg and wrapped it around Lyra. The two held their embrace and patted each other on the back.
Lyra smirked. “The moustache wouldn’t have helped anyway.”
“Nope, wrong,” Bon Bon said, backing out of the hug and smiling. “And now because of my negligence, I’ve compromised my secret identity and made myself more vulnerable to attacks from former enemies that could track me down. But hey, on the bright side, Twilight could teleport us to San Francisco if we had to lay low and stay by the new petting café there.”
Lyra nodded. “Yup. Or we could go to San Francisco because we want to travel there. Either or, really.”
“So if you’re a secret agent,” Jason said, “or, former secret agent, does that mean… the name’s Bond? Bon Bond?”
Bon Bon glanced at Lyra, shrugging. “I… have no idea what that means.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Wendy said, rolling her eyes. She glanced at the timer on their table, which was almost up to five minutes. “It’s just a dumb pun to end on.”
And I am so totally in line to hug Sweetie Belle and Scoots!
Good chapter, can't wait for the next one. But more importantly can't wait for the one about Derpy and Dr. Hooves.
I'm still waiting in line to pet Maud and Trixie, when will I get my turn.
OMG!! I think I died of laughter when Lyra and Bon Bon argued over Bonnie's blown cover!!
And CMC next ... The PPPC has an insurance right? It can only end in disaster with these fillies.
Am I the only one who wants to see a future chapter where Twilight looks traumatized and hesitant to get pet because "Someone warned her not to look up /mlp/"?
That joke was meta
Also, the part where Bon Bon was defending her disguise, I thought of that CollegeHumor video Superman and Batman team up, where Commissioner Gordon debunks that part by taking off his glasses
Is it going to be similar to this?
img00.deviantart.net/ae03/i/2015/289/5/f/cmc_simulator_by_doublewbrothers-d9d9ttf.jpg
The CMC are next? Dibs on Sweetie Belle! Wait no, Apple Bloom. Ah but I'd also give Scoots a hug. Ugh that's too tough a choice.
Also,
I thought she rappelled outta Town Hall?
I think you're doing really well at including so many different characters in exactly the situation but still making each one different to the last, and still new and exciting. So I certainly wouldn't push my luck by demanding more - but, on the off chance your comments are providing inspiration for future directions, Queen Chrysalis please! Also Derpy, Spitfire and Maud Pie
Thanks for another great chapter!
7943093
Ah shoot, you're right. For some reason I thought it was Sugar Cube Corner. Fixed. Thanks for pointing that out!
7943109
For the most part, I work off of a list of the ponies I think people would most like to see, and I do pay attention to who commentors would like to see as well (for instance, I've seen several commentors asking for Chrysalis, Derpy, and Maud, though I can't do every single pony people request because then this story would go on for too long). However, I can't gaurantee I'll do a specific pony or ponies except for the ponies in the next update, since I'll have already started the chapter by that time. It partly depends on whether or not I can think of a new and exciting way of including them in the story. :p
Let's hope the insurance is up to date
*starts silently putting money to the side*
66.media.tumblr.com/e6693c3fad427467887d8e159491ba08/tumblr_n79zvwv8cR1s3n568o5_r1_400.gif
the CMC? are you crazy?
you're gonna kill all the humans that way
(either by diabetes or one of their shenanigans)
That quote reminds me of Egophiliac's slice of pony life comic series.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/9/7/92041/large.png
so what? the fingers will be stuck to them cause of tree sap?
7943075 so much want
That pun..... my me slap my face so hard I got a nosebleed. also where is best pony, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE???
I wonder when you'll get to the Great and Pettable Trixie!
For she shall demand peanut butter crackers with her venti latte.
Bon Bond... how did I never see it before....
I'm dissapointed in that pun, don't get me wrong, but also in myself for not seeing it sooner.
Also, the 'banter' between Lyra and Bon Bon is the greatest thing about this chapter. You gave them a great dynamic that I absolutely adore. Exactly how I imagined they would interact with each other.
And I have the strangest feeling I should know those 2 humans from somewhere.... Oh well. Great chapter, keep up the awesome!
Thats lyra fascinated by humans
Well... I'd say "sign language", but at least one author has invented a sign language for a story focused on... not really mute DJ Pon-3. But they need pens or something to help with communication, while our sign language don't require additional stuff.
7943666
Whoops, thank you for pointing that out. Fixed.
*makes a noise that sounds like a motor stalling out* D: Bad. Bad Pun Horse.
Dibs on Sweetie Belle! Also, I just keep thinking bond is some spy agent, till I remembered Jason Bourne. Hmmm though. Hmmmm...
This was far more amusing than I expected. It had everything!
The only thing I'd point out is that you used sentient - humans are sapient. Sentient is less than sapient
7943020
Traumatized? She'd probably use it as an excuse to 'study biology in person and in depth detail'. She's never had a significant other, right? Be funny as heck if she 'studied' Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2.
7944423
Oh, darn. You're right. Fixed. Thanks! :>
7945085 Glad to help!
Discord. Please Discord. Because Discord.
Fantastic banter between these two. They play off of each other marvelously. Why pet somepony else when you can get a comedy routine to go with it?
As for the Crusaders, I just hope they already have their marks. Or that the cafe's well-insured.
As much as I laughed at the dialogue, I noticed a great absence in pony-petting this chapter.
7945641
There was definitely petting! It just wasn't the main focus of this chapter. I gotta switch it up a bit sometimes for the sake of variety ^^
Wendy puts her phone away twice.
7945711
Shoot. Someone else pointed that out and I fixed it but I guess I forgot to save
Fixed (and saved). Thanks!
7943264
It's all going to end with tree sap... somehow.
NO! CUTE INDUCED DIABEETUS! NUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu...
(I swear, you make this better with every update)
This was the best yet. The
bantershenaniganshijinksbuffoonery was adorable.I'm also a fan of characterizations of Lyra that make her something other than a musician, especially when they give an excuse for her...enthusiasms.
Woah. Wendy just went meta on me...
7945702 Nice idea, but folks can talk and touch at the same time. You know, like giving a massage or having a pet within arms' reach?
7946360
Right, I understand. But it's not like there was no petting in this chapter whatsoever.
*fortifies bunker*
More Sunhorse! Never enough sunhorse petting
Ok, starlight glimmer is next on the list in my opinion. Also great job with these stories.
In Nowacking voice: Just buck already!
7957602
Midnight Blossom, Echo and various other Batponies.
Ooh, that sound really good
Will that also include Gabby?
7996847
Nope, nor Babs either. Just the three of them.
8002571
Surprise! :>