“See?” Twilight said. “Wasn’t this worth coming through the portal?”
Judy smiled as she rubbed Cadence’s neck. Cadence tried to smile back, though the smile couldn’t hide the wrinkles under her eyes, and it disappeared once Cadence covered her mouth to yawn. She blinked, looking down at her empty cup. “How many more of these coffees do I need until they wake me up?”
“Well,” Zach said as he stroked Twilight’s wings, glancing at the pile of coffee cups accumulating at the edge of the table. “Do you drink a lot of coffee, normally?”
Cadence shrugged. “Nope. First time.”
“Well,” Zach said, “That, um, that’s probably good, then.”
“Why are you so tired?” Judy asked.
Cadence rubbed her eyes. “My baby just wouldn’t stop crying. We fed her. We changed her diaper. We rocked her to sleep. We dumped sacks of flour over ourselves. Nothing worked.”
Twilight nudged Cadence in the shoulder. “But hey! You’re here now in our new petting café. Isn’t this great?” Twilight pointed to Judy’s hand, which was now petting her shoulder. “You were worried establishing strong human-pony relations would be all diplomatic. Nobles and treaties and all that. Isn’t this so much better?”
Cadence tilted her head from side to side, but eventually nodded. “Yeah, it’s better.” She rested her head on the table. “I’m just worried about Flurry Heart, I guess.”
“Oh, they’ll be fine,” Twilight said. “Shining can handle her. And Starburst is there, too! I’m sure they can handle a baby for a few days.”
“I know exactly what they’re up to,” Cadence muttered. “I saw an Ogres & Oubliettes book poking out of Sunburst’s satchell. Those campaigns go on for hours, you know.”
“Oh,” Twilight said, rubbing her chin. “Yeah, Flurry Heart may be doomed. Spike hates it when his game is disturbed.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Judy said, chuckling as she scratched behind Cadence’s ear. She looked at Zach. “My husband takes great care of the house when I’m gone.”
“Sure, the house may be fine. It’s the baby I’m worried about.” Cadence looked between Judy and Zach. “Do you two have children?”
Judy placed a hand on her stomach and smiled. “Our first is on the way.”
Cadence looked down at Judy’s stomach, then back up to Judy, her eyes widening. She reached out and placed her hooves on Judy’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry,” she said, frowning and shaking her head. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Judy laughed nervously, glancing at her husband, but sweat was starting to break out on his forehead. Judy looked back into Cadence’s grief-stricken eyes. “But… children are a blessing. Miracle of childbirth. Right?”
Cadence patted Judy on the shoulder, still shaking her head. “You poor, poor soul. When that baby comes, hon, miracles are getting five hours of undisturbed sleep.”
Zach dabbed his forehead with a napkin. “Oh God.”
~ ~ ~
“I’m glad we came,” Celestia said. She levitated her tea cup and sipped as Jonathan petted her back. “I think it’s safe to say it’s precisely as ‘awesome’ as Rainbow Dash advertised.”
“Mhm,” Luna said, taking a hoofful of hay from the bale next to her and munching. “Dearest Clyde,” she said. “Could you scratch behind Our ears?”
Clyde perked up. “Both of your guys’ ears? Yeah, sure.”
Luna squinted for a moment, only to chuckle and shake her head. “I apologize. I meant ‘my’. It’s an old habit of mine that I mean to break.”
“Eh, don’t worry about it,” Clyde said, reaching up to Luna’s ear. “Got it. Just yours.”
Celestia leaned in. “Though if you find yourself so inclined, dear Clyde, you could in fact scratch behind both my ear and my sister’s. I certainly wouldn’t mind.”
“Don’t mind if I do,” Clyde said, standing up and moving his chair in between the royal sisters. He sat down and carried out Celestia’s royal order.
“Ooh,” Luna said, taking in a sip of her lemon-lime soft drink. “That’s nice.”
“Mhm,” Celestia said. She let her neck relax out of her tall and proud princess posture. She looked around the café, only about twenty other people in both her line and her sister’s. “It seems the lines are much shorter than Twilight had told us. I suppose she does have a habit of exaggerating when she’s excited.”
Luna shook her head. “I spoke with all her friends. They concur that the lines were much longer when they were here. Perhaps the novelty has been lost on the humans?” Luna looked to Twilight and Princess Cadence, the only other ponies in the café that day. “Maybe the café was a fad and we don’t need to look for petting volunteers in Equestria after all.”
Clyde spoke up. “The lines are short because there’s free online booking now. No need to physically wait in line anymore until your time slot,” he said. “And Luna is booked three days straight. I was one of the first online when booking opened.”
“Three days straight?” Celestia raised her eyebrows. “And how long am I booked for?”
“A day and a half.”
“Ha!” Luna said, poking Celestia in the shoulder. “I have the longer line!” She sat back and grinned, her ear twitching at Clyde’s fingers. “In your face, Tia.”
Celestia cast a sideways glance at her sister. “I’m still the oldest, Loony.”
“Phooey.” Luna stuck out her tongue.
Jonathan gave Celestia a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “That’s just people who’ve booked now. I’m sure more people will sign up later today and tomorrow.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not jealous in the slightest.” Celestia smiled, placing her hoof on Luna’s. “In fact, I’m elated Luna is getting all the adoration she gets, even if it’s more than me. She deserves it after being away for so long.”
“Aw, sister, you are much too kind.” Luna placed her other hoof on her sister’s and smiled. Then, she leaned forward and whispered to Jonathan, “She is jealous in the slightest. It fills me with delight.”
“If there is anything I am jealous of, it is that tomorrow you get to spend your afternoon here and I have to meet with Earth ambassadors.” Celestia turned to Jonathan. “Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you. It’s just that political affairs tend to bore me in my world, so my hopes aren’t high for your world. And I have doubts any of these ambassadors would elect to pet me.”
“Mind your cynicism, dear sister,” Luna said. “I have no doubt they would pet you if you offer them the opportunity.”
Celestia smirked. “I’ll see if I can negotiate an ear-scritch or two.”
“About that,” Jonathan said. “I’m curious. What are you going to meet with the ambassadors about? If you’re allowed to tell me, that is.”
Celestia’s jaw tightened. “I was hoping you wouldn’t press me about it,” Celestia whispered, her eyes shifting to scan the other patrons in the café. “Would you really like to know?”
Jonathan, too, glanced around the café. “Um, sure.”
Celestia motioned for Jonathan to move closer, continuing to eye any onlookers.
Jonathan scooted his chair forward and turned his ear towards Celestia.
Celestia whispered, “Butts.”
Jonathan squinted. His mouth slowly opened, but no words came out. He looked at Clyde, but he simply shrugged. Luna tried to hold a laugh back with her hoof.
“Say that again?” Jonathan said.
“Butts,” Celestia said. “Many of us ponies don’t wear clothes and are therefore leaving our posteriors exposed. Humans have raised concerns about us walking around in public in the nude.”
Jonathan curled his fingers around his chin. “Yeah, okay, I guess I could see that. I never thought it was much of a problem, you know, since horses in our world—”
“Bwa ha ha!” Luna covered her face, tipping back against the back of her chair. “Ohhh by the stars. The look on your face—you were so befuddled!”
Jonathan blushed, rubbing his neck.
“Don’t worry about it, dear Jonathan,” Celestia said, smiling. “As Luna knows, I have had many years to practice pranking.” She took a sip of tea. “To answer your question, I am under the impression it is simply a first contact sort of thing. I’m sure your Earth ambassadors want to ensure we are peaceful and don’t intend to harm them. I suppose we want to ensure that about humans, too, but after coming to this café, I have few reservations.”
Luna smirked. “Certainly fewer than mine.”
Celestia gently shoved Luna and grinned. “At least I’m best pony.”
“Ha, you wish,” Luna downed the last of her soft drink.
Clyde raised his eyebrows. “Say, it sounds like you guys aware—”
“That we are, yes,” Celestia said. “Are you a fan of the show?”
Clyde nodded. “You bet.”
“And you, Jonathan?”
“I’ve heard of it before,” he said, “but I thought it was a cartoon show—as in, you know, a fake show, not real. So did you guys make the show, or what?”
Celestia shook her head. “I’ve discussed this extensively with Twilight. As far as I can tell, you humans either invented or discovered some form of primitive portal technology and saw into our world. Since in all my years I’ve never seen a human, I’m going to assume all you had was a window and not a door.” Celestia shrugged. “And strangely enough, someone decided to make a show about it for television.”
Luna nodded. “We performed a binge-watching of the show. I am disappointed in the lack of episodes involving me. Or my sister, quite frankly.”
“Yes,” Celestia said, “because humans would love to watch me bicker with nobles over policy. Or sit in countless meetings. That’d be wildly entertaining.”
“I would watch it, dearest sister,” Luna said, brushing her muzzle up against Celestia’s cheek.
Celestia smiled and nuzzled her sister back.
“Aw,” Clyde said, pulling his hands back to let them share the moment.
“We didn’t say stop, Clyde,” Celestia said.
Clyde resumed petting. “Fair enough.”
“May we take Clyde back with us?” Luna said. “I’d like to appoint him the official Royal Ear Scratcher. He is doing a marvelous job.”
Celestia smirked. “I’ll consider it. But first, I think we should worry about finding volunteers to come over here. This café isn’t getting any less busy, after all.”
I'm so in line to pet the Princesses.
But do they know about fanfictions? Do they know... about the mature content?
I would love to see more of this. And this sounds like an awesome plot point to introduce humans to Equestrian society. Who knows what could happen.
Okay, I loved Celestia's little prank here.
And Cadence's reaction to her petter's pregnancy was hilarious.
Thank God I'm not a parent
The part with Celestia and Luna was funny, adorable, and heartwarming. Also:
7906412 ditto
Also, butts
So is Lauren Faust going to this cafe? Both human and pony self? Is she going to touch herself?
Trixie, I demand a Trixie chapter!! (Just kidding i would love a Trixie chapter but its your story) My name is Chris if you need name for the human's name *Wink wink nudge nudge*
I'm just waiting till you make Chrysalis :>
7906423
I'm pretty sure that he is called 'Sunburst'.
Dangit Celestia you pranked me as well. Cause I definitely see that little issue being brought up down the line anyway lol.
I'm down for Celestia's line. After Twilight's of course >.>
7906380
This is a rated Everyone story, so, uh... probably won't bring up any mature stuff :P Fanfiction, maybe, who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
7906423
7906489
What a brain fart lol. Maybe I was hungry at the time
Fixed. Thanks to you both.
7906595 I call petting Maud and Starlight. When is their chapter going to go up?
So booking a slot for Luna.
7906640
You'll have to wait and see o3o
I think one of my favorite kinds of story is the kind that takes a simple and absurd premise, then applies logic to it without turning it all cynical.
7906483
This is a silly idea that's less silly the more you think about it. Changelings get affection, from the diehard bughorse lovers or people who don't mind imitations. Changelings get unlimited food. Everyone wins! I'd imagine drama at first and then confusion when a good hunk of the 'invasion' force is getting ear scratches and requests while the leaders bicker.
7906823 no, the pets! Neither party can live without them! How will Equestria survive! And yes, the death toll in america would be high due to the large amounts of people with weight and heart problems that reside there to begin with. Hopefully they will turn everyone against trump to make sure that they can stay in america forever
Luuuuuuunnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I could die happy having given her full scritchings and pettings.
Stuff to say:
-I loved Zach's reaction to Cadance telling the couple about the terrible things they will experience when they have their first baby.
-Trollestia FTW.
-Yay for Luna!
Is this real?! Tell me where you can do that! (jk lol)
*SQUEAL*
BESTPONYBESTPONYBESTPONYBESTPONYBESTPONYBESTPONYBESTPONYBESTPONYBESTPONYYYYYYYYYYY!
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And second-best pony!
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Always great to see them getting along.
Oh dear.
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7906489 I know. That was why I highlighted it.
You fool!
She's going to kidnap all the humans!!!!
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please have one with Zecora, so people can experiance her.
Oh dear. Lyra is going to abduct someone, I just know it.
And they'd call the first episode of that show "The Phantom Meneighce."
Between this and the previous chapter, you're totally showing your first-time-daddiness.EDIT: Excuse me, I mistook you for Andrew Rogue for some reason. Please forgive me.Oh dang here we go.
GAH!!! With every new chapter, I just want to double fave more! Knightly, make it happen!
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7906692
I think it depends on how hard changelings are... if they're all chitin then you're better off using a buffing pad on them (*Vrrrrrrr!*) but softer bugpones could still benefit from cuddles and petting. And taking on softer/fuzzier pony forms is also an option as you mentioned.
7906313 You're damn straight, son.
Celestia and Luna's interactions are great...and I am definitely awaiting Lyra and Bonbon. >:3
We of the Solar Empire will double-book to Celestia's line.
That last reaction of Cadance. That... that was pure gold
Also one guy gets to scratch both Tia and Luna. How lucky!
could you just like randomly throw in a sunset shimmer part. not human sunset but pony shimmy being all cute and cuddly and covered with fur. that would be sooo awesome
Have you considered doing something special for certain chapters (10, 20, etc.)? Like maybe popular OC's? If so, may I put forth a suggestion for Fluffle Puff?
Hold it! If Celestia and Luna and are both on Earth, that would mean they left Equestria's sun and moon under control of Discord?
7908618
I had not yet considered popular OCs. Hmm... I'll have to think about it.
7908652
Perhaps Celestia and Luna could go back through the portal for sunrise and sunset :o
The moment Derpy gets there the line will be booked for months on end.
7906483 No way she is gonna show up. Not a soul knows where that villain went.
I'd hope for Derpy, but I'm not sure how well insured the cafe is.
Loved it. So full of diabeetus inducing cuteness. I'll volunteer to go back with the Royal Sisters!
*sigh* Cadence;
Cadence, Cadence, Cadence. Don't scare the poor humans. Let them discover the 'joys' on their own.
Yay!
Celestia and Luna were sweet, but Cadence was priceless
This story continues to be a fun read. How long until Cerberus syndrome sets in and it brook becomes an intense political thriller?
7933034
Thanks, I'm glad to hear you love it :D
Sweeeeeeeeeet! I love this story! :D
It keeps getting better and better. Loved the Cadence part.
Missing a verb: "Say, it sounds like you guys are aware—"