very good at writing very bad things
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is excellent, definitely excited for the next chapter.
I actually feel sorry for Lightning Dust now.
Can Thunderlane and Pigpen die at the end of this please? Or be treated the way they were to Lightning Dust? That could be nice
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nope! they're going to lead fun, fulfilling lives while Lightning Dust sexually services them until they're bored of her, and then they'll leave her to deal with her PTSD and depression alone while they seek out a new mare to have fun with
Nice. I just don't get it, how can Pigpen's dick be this dirty, when he has so many mares to clean it?
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he gets them dirty in the mares again
7771471 well that was something I wished I didn't wake up to.
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Why would they leave her when they can sell her and make themselves some profit, and give her new owner to help deal with PTSD and depression by whoring herself out to get bits for her new master?
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too much like work
pimping aint easy, after all
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If they just sell her (not pimp, just one-time sell) it's not their problem anymore.
I hope to see more of this story soon.
Moar plz.
How the fuck did I miss this? It's excellent. I really like the descriptions, and the fear, and the horrible system for transporting her. It's very creative and just terrible enough to work. I'm gonna hazard that mos of your downvotes (like always) are people who were straight up disgusted by what you wrote. That's excellent. I'm just imagining when he brings back the package, and Lightning dust is so dutifully obedient... That's the part I like, lol.
It's utterly disgusting. Good job.
Wow, that was really cool, I really liked the mind break scene :D
Pigpen is surprisingly resourceful when it comes to sexual torture.
Ugf. This slow slow torture is amazing, and you really outdone yourself with describing how she felt the whole time.
Too bad Pigpen doesn't have a big glass jar to keep her in. With just her head sticking out, her limbs tied, and a valve to pour different things in to keep the rest of her body company. Like assorted creepy-crawlies, or stinging bugs, or spraying her with itching powder until she begs to have her glass prison filled with liquid. At other points, he could heat up the bottom so her hoofsies hurt when she tries to stand to avoid choking herself. Or simply tie her legs folded. Again, filling the jar with liquid helps, though LD might not like being marinated in piss.
He could call it "Lightning in a Bottle".
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i'm deeply ashamed to say that my plans for her are even more evil that your delightful idea
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I'm sure whatever you end up writing will more than make up for not seeing my silly little pun in action!
great to see an other chapter of this story, I can't wait to see what will happen next.
I thought this was pretty fun. I like the scattered, split thoughts, the colors and fonts and the whole sequence of events. It's always interesting how the internet has changed the medium of the pinted word. In this case, you don't have any restrictions on how you present your story. You can break any rules you like about formatting, flow, or even common sense and as long as people like it, you're okay. This is one of those cases for me. I felt like I should be upset at your structure, but I found myself frantically reading through it. The strange structure made it more exciting to read and was an experience you're unlikely to find in print aoutside of poetry. The structure itself added excitement and enjoyment to the story. So yeah, keep writing your fucked up poetry. I love it.
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i figure its good to be careful with stuff like this, because the first time there's that blurry line between 'innovative' and 'gimmicky,' and if you do it again there's then the problem where its a kind of metatextual dying metaphor, shoehorned in to place because it's almost the effect you're going for and finding the correct technique is too much work. still, glad it worked out okay here!
i've decided that i want this story to be my poor-man's attempt at imitating your work, as opposed to my normal action-action-action fetish lists that i usually do. i want much more careful sadism here, i want to see Lightning Dust break, and i want Pigpen to finesse her until she becomes an obedient little cum-guzzler instead of just bruteforcing her for a quick orgasm.
thanks for your feedback!
Fuuuuuuuuuck this was a good chapter, especially the hanging. Needs to be more pone hanging porn. Love that you even had her piss herself, even if you were a little light on the details, and the scenario Pigpen laid out for her was just the hottest freaking thing!
is there going to be another chapter?
I also dig using the formatting to convey fractured thoughts and passing in and out of consciousness. You're usually great, Cocknie, but this is genuinely excellent.
Critisicm(because im a douche): This story is horrible. I have read a lot of stories that were as bad as this but this is definetely in the top 13. What kind of sick depraved fucks do we have to be to even consider reading this.
Compliments(because while I may be a douche I can be nice):I think this story is well written. It was very clear the emotions that each character had about doing what they dd and I could physically feel the effort you put into this.
I reiterate: we are all sick depraved fucks...good story
Nice to see this hasn’t died
You could also have gone with "Lightning in a Bucket".
I don’t get why this has an almost 50-50 likes/dislikes ratio. It’s clearly a work of literary art.
Certainly artful in how quick it gets me going, anyway.
Ah, always a joy seeing one of your stories updated :D
I hope you will continue Diamond Tiara's story in the near future too
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That's certainly the most entertaining comment I've read in over a month. Tell me, what are you into specifically?
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I can't wait to see the next chapter
Nice to see this story has another chapter. And, I feel the greater stories have left us hanging, or became the Pony Answer to the "Art of War"
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They’re all mind break scenes.
Great, terrible stuff.
Keep going!
We gonna get more to this?