While the mirror portal to Sunset Shimmer's world is on loan to Canterlot, something goes wrong, the portal malfunctions and begins pulling in magic from all around it. Caught up in the grip of the portal Princess Luna is pulled through. Not to Sunset Shimmer's world, but a strange world with no magic.
Luna finds herself a stranger in a strange world. Trapped in a strange, equine body. With no magic, no wings and no horn, Luna struggles to find the most important thing of all. The way home.
Equine technical advice and assistance by Mix-Up.
Conceptual and Character advice and assistance by Door Belle
Mistakes, screw-ups and other errors by me.
Chapters (11)
Sounds fun and interesting. I do remember a few "pony turned into a horse" fic, but it remain something quite rare.
A litle piece of advice, don't forget to use scene break whenever there is a gap in time and/or a change of setting.
Plus:
, I doubt Celestia calmly paused to add Zecora's name. Take out that coma and put "Zecora" in capital bold letter.
7766159 Got it, and fixed. Thank you.
Well, at least her second greeting to this new world was a positive one...
Interesting, I like how the moon is giving her magic. Though I am interested in when she arrived even more than the where.
7819839 The night before the full moon.
7819877 Ah, yes. Sorry, as in the time period. Depending on when she arrived it could get interesting in very different ways.
7820038 Ah, I see. Sorry. That should become clearer in the next chapter as I start to introduce some human characters.
...
Well, I can't say I'm overjoyed over it either, though I abhor the way her father and those workers later dealt with it.
"By the light of the moon, I will punish you!" said Luna, summoning her Sailor Scout outfit.
As much as Chiara responsibly
---
Yay, Luna is safe
Lovely! And soon Luna will have her powers! Or some tiny bit...
I come bearing suggestions for minor grammatical tweaks!
Equestria
nothing, and no one unexpected, or nothing and no one unexpected
Equestria
potions
experienced,
hours, a gold ringed
to, quite literally, or to quite literally
in, the room
Extraneous punctuation.
Sentences 2 & 5 are incomplete.
net-like
Its
rely on
Second sentence incomplete.
was
Incomplete sentence.
down-slope
Repetitious.
to kindle or to light
But I
dairy
Did you mean Norris.?
bed,
Image broken. (I know the symbol, though. It's what I based La's holy symbol on.)
its
sapience.
herself.
Ah, the chapter I already gave input on. Let's see if I missed anything.
Typical Penalt.
I feel like that should be hyphenated, but I'm not certain.
her,
mare half an hour ago, or mare, half an hour ago,
Again, I'm of the opinion this should be hyphenated.
its
its
8263561
it's used in the possessive form is something I struggle to use in the modern format. I went to school back when rocks were soft, and in that dark prehistory it's was as a possessive form as well as the contraction of it is. It is a struggle, but one great and glorious day, I shall get it right.
As for the rest, I'm a terrible writer and I should feel bad.
Well, not really, but a lot of those do need fixing and I'll take care of them shortly.
8263838
If this is the extent of your literary crimes, you're just fine. I've seen far worse from people who are supposedly professional writers.
It better make way, then. The Luna train's got no brakes. :)
Oh if they only knew...
Alright! I was hoping this would continue.
its
Missed a few.
protege.
its
Most places in the US use "yeah" instead of "ya". I don't remember where precisely this fic's set, but if it's not the northernmost reaches of the US midwest or Alaska, it should probably get adjusted to "yeah".
Also, did Chiara ever get back to her internet buddy like she promised, or did it slip her mind during the events directly following?
Argh! Stupid regionalisms. Midwest US is the setting.
And no, she didn't. She's got a few days of enforced rest now though.....
This story is criminally underrated.
9044131
Thank you for that.
At this point this story is more a labour of love than anything else, and I will be giving it regular updates until it's done.
9044131
I respectively agree
Welp, theres no telling whats to come from your 'lost moments' there
8263482
Got 'em, even if it was a year after the original writing.
Oh, crap. Let's hope Luna's magic helps her resist traquilizers.
This story came across my radar today, and its been interesting
Her name was not repeated until the following paragraph.
9044476
Oh, you're goooood.
same, soft or same soft
its
Wow, this lady's prepared.
9129211 Heh, notice she didn't once think of calling an ambulance?
We'll that's that then luna is dead and will not be returning home
The life and times of an editor...
I'm there for the highs, I'm there for the lows
The paths each take, I keep secret and know.
Many possibilities, many choices unfold
And the end of the day... The bell will always toll
Y'know, I don't think I've ever heard of a horse pooka before. Though Luna was the bearer of Laughter...
Second ellipsis needs another period.
9178189
Way back when I first started writing this, I ran across these images of a Phooka from Irish mythology...
i.pinimg.com/originals/3e/7e/59/3e7e5914bb1a87b77d0b7eb3cfbf4489.jpg
i.pinimg.com/originals/90/aa/fe/90aafedab6d1ed46245a19c0983bce12.jpg i.pinimg.com/originals/c4/be/3e/c4be3e0d63d87c7b69b24d9937749fdb.jpg
They pretty much helped shape some of the story.
9179388
Clearly, White Wolf took some liberties when adapting IRL mythology into their WoD mythology.
Killing Luna off. Why?
Luna could have focus on cutting off the blood circulation entierly for the damaged leg instead go for a full scale healing like she did. Now i see its not compleated yet. I prey have some twist in mind and we get a Luna back with some human magic.
9198535
Currently working on the final chapter, should have it out sometime over the weekend.
There we go, a decent ending, while you COULD do a sequel to explore the changes and explorations a new species would have, it isnt strictly necessary
But it would be nice to see
PLEASE do a sequel! I want to see what Chiara's reaction to Equestria is!
This was very well written.... but the story ended up being somewhat dull.
Flat
I'd like a sequel.
Mostly because after reading through a second time, I can't get the futility of Luna trying to return out of my head. That Celestia, in her grief, would have destroyed the mirror that took Luna away from her.
And also because I'm curious about the baby and whether Norris and Chiara will become full blown ponies, or anthro. Either way, i'd be a lot of fun if/when they ever get to Equestria.