This is NOT a human is lost element story. Trust me, I hate that trope as well.
Travis was never treated right back in Manehattan. He never had friends or even basic respect. just because he was considered a freak. well, A creature born in a different dimension and raised in Equestria isn't exactly the most natural thing in the world. On his birthday, Travis is given the chance to live on his own for one year in the local town of Ponyville.
Thank you to DekaSkittalz & Literary for helping with editing and pre-reading!
Cover in collaboration with DarkHooves
Chapters (16)
This is good so far, and I can't wait to read more.
7759509
Thank you very much, and I can't wait to write more!
7759631
Don't worry, there will actually be character development for that.
Cool, I'm looking forward to reading more about Travis.
7762244
Thank you very much! Be sure to follow so you get notified!
7762663 Done and Done.
7762681
Thank you very much!!!
One minor error you might want to fix. This vile should be vial. The fist is a negative thing you call some one, the other is a type of test tube. Beyond that you have me at least interested.
One more minor error. Destraction should be distraction.
7778957
Thank you very much for both corrections! I'll be sure to go and change those.
I am glad that this story is continued, will be fun to see where it goes
8304286
Thank you very much!
Pinkie! Pinkie! Pinkie! Pinkie!
! Pinkie!
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She'll be there soon
Have youself a blunt review.
8309892
8309685
they're in Ponyville!
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Link Text
FIRST!
and your welcome
8318608
You're listed in the description as Pre reader and Editor. Thanks for the help as always
8318622
thank you, and your welcome.
A gust of hair shoots at Spike, im not sure what a gust of hair would look like but i think you meant air.
8318910
I missed that, thank you for pointing it out!
Wasn't this rated 'Mature' before?
8321594
It was rated mature before purly for the fact that I was going to put sex in it. But then I decieded against it, as it would've added nothing but some lackluster fanservice. I'm still going to have the same themes and story as I was planning on. Just no pointless sex.
_____Okay, after reading this, I have to ask. Is English your first language?
_____Not only are there typos, but just blatant misspellings or misuse of words abound. And it's not like what I would commonly see in fics that need fixing, but I feel like there's an error every other sentence. Misuse of commas, missing periods, misuse of periods, missing commas, (could've just said vice versa there) and random punctuation is just the tip of the iceberg.
_____A particularly egregious error I saw (that you also never fixed when it was pointed out to you in December) is the word vile. You mean to either use vial or phial. Though a vial/phial can certainly contain a vile substance, they are still two entirely different things.
_____As it stands, this isn't a story I can recommend to anyone unless I know that person is just okay with all these errors, and having to stop every once and a while because you can't help but go, "Wait, what," every now and again.
_____Edit: Accidentally posted before finishing. Also, either your editor doesn't do a very good job, you got them very recently and they haven't looked over older chapters, (that is to say, the beginning of the story) you don't listen to them and they're too polite to say otherwise when you don't.
8356512
Yes, English is my first language. I do listen to everyone's feedback when I do receive it. The people I always listen to are my editor and pre-reader. In fact, they helped me fix some plot errors that they managed to catch. I'll talk to my editors and ask if they can help me looks through the first few chapters again, because you pointed out the errors that we did miss. I do thank you for leaving a review, as every bit does help.
You didn't talk about the plot in your review, I'm sure you did read through it before posting the review. I just want to hear your thoughts on that as well, just to see the good and bad. Only if you want to though, I'm not forcing you to.
8356775
_____Normally I would talk about the plot but I was tired that night when I posted that comment. And I knew I need to get to work in the morning. So I forgot about it. Yes, I did read through the plot. You may or may not be aware of how my system works but when I add something to my "Stories Read" bookshelf, it means I've read a story in its current entirety. This is because I read your story past its first chapter, which means I have to finish it. No exceptions. The occasional 'review' is free-of-charge (on my end) and something I do as I see fit.
_____Now, I'll continue what I should've started. As for the plot... it's not exactly something that's specifically been done before, but it's not special in the sense that loads of other stories have done similar things. By this I mean, no one had has this exact type of situation and written it before or after, (that I'm aware of) obviously making it just like yours and vice versa.
_____I'm not saying it's a bad idea. Nor am I saying it's a good one. The only good and bad thing about a story (in a perfect, idealistic world, that is) is execution. And I think you have room to improve on that execution. Lots of room.
Next chapter! Next Chapter! NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!
8564300
Next chapter will be soon!
Good chapter.
8664490
Thank you very much!
this story gives me the happies
8675071
This comment gives me the happies! Thank you very much!
Together Travis and Dearest Rarity will take over the world using the fashion industry! By forming a monopoly on the fashion industry the duo will amass copious amounts of Equestria's economic spending, then stage a coup to overthrow the tyrannical rule of the royal alicorn sisters!
Starting to like this story more and more.
8678710
Thank you very much! I know that this story does have a bit of a slow start (Needed to set up the characters and have a few interactions before I could get into the meat of it) and I appreciate you sticking with it!
(Thought I had this story marked guess not.) don't know if this still applies but what stood out for me was when he said
I'm sorry, did Rarity just refer to him as Spikey-Wikey?
"I'm sorry, what'd you just call him?"
seems unnecessary to say " I'm sorry" to himself and then say it out loud.
8679072
I just fixed it, thanks for the input!
This is where I become a dick and use the wind spell to blow her notepad away
8680672
This joke is now canon in an Alternate Universe.
Right... Totally not a changeling...
Then again, if it is a changeling, it has to be the worst one in history.
Which would make a great cover now that I think about it. Hmm...
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Maybe it was intentional? But who knows... It could've just been Travis's imagination acting up...
I'd laugh if he ends up trying too hard and levels the surrounding area
I thought it was twenty
8698460
Ah, thanks for pointing that out. I'll fix it right away!
Does Travis sound like Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes?
8698642
I imagine Travis sounding like a Yuri Lowenthal character. Travis strikes again hype btw
I WILL BE A GREAT MAGICIAN!! ╰( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ
The. End.
best story 10/10 would read again.
I really do hope that the next chapter explains how he was found. I know he isn't supposed to die yet, that wouldn't make sense, however he shouldn't have been found that easily or quickly. Anyway, please continue.
8750774
Yep, I've already got an explanation. It'll all be explained as part of the next chapter. Thanks for reading this far!