Princess Twilight Sparkle, ever the scholar, bookworm, egghead, friend of many finds herself in an alternate reality. A new world even. One devoid of magic as far as she can surmise but full of technological wonders beyond even her imagination. Even the color scheme there is rich and full of detail compared to the technicolor reality she knows and loves.
Of course, her arrival is met with pain and suffering which is often the case with mistakes of such magnitude. Can she find a way home? Will she find help to do so? Will she make friends in this new world as easily as she has in her own?
* Story will contain mostly slice of life fluff, relationship building, and romance after a rough beginning.
[ My first attempt at a story so please be gentle! ]
* Gore tag removed for now. Some blood loss and wounds received are not too detailed.
Editors:
Nugget - Chapters 1-5
This looks interesting. If you don't mind, I'm going to add it to my read later list until it hits 25k words or is marked as complete. Unless I'm given a good reason to start reading it right now
I generally only start to read new fan fictions after 25k words or more because of the sheer number of fantastic fanfictions abandoned prior to the 25k word count. This makes me sad. I don't like to be sad
Having said that, I hope you do well.
7863148 Completely understandable. Been there, done that with the abandoned fic stuff. I'm hoping not to fall into the same category with my own
7863181
Any idea how often you might be updating it with new content?
7863187 2nd chapter I'm typing right now actually. Few more paragraphs to go most likely then it's off to an editor to leave marks all over my work, hehe. So, at least one a week give or take, RL issues aside, two if I'm feeling inspired.
7863206
Alright, good enough reason for me. First chapter is read and seems pretty good.
Also, wouldn't the simple act of twilight sparkle showing up in that universe mean that the universe can at least support magic? As in, her showing up was not actively repulsed (she did show up there afterall), and she herself is a magical creature... does her cutie mark disappear?
Cheers
Wow I'm impressed with your first fic. Good job!
7863316 Thanks! Just finished Chapter 2. Just gotta go over it and hopefully get it out tomorrow or Sat.
Hmm, now that I'm thinking about it...
There is also the possibility that the different universe fundamentally changed how she herself can use magic, without actively repulsing magic by nature. She gets to keep her cutie mark but has to relearn how to use magic, as the universe jump altered the way her body can channel magic, but leaving her brain 'out of the loop' of the changes. I'd imagine the results would be similar to learning a whole new spoken language, or knowing how to program computers with one programming language, and all of a sudden its changed to a different programming language. Recovering the ability to use magic in this kind of scenario would indeed be a long difficult path.
Not sure if spoiler or not, as it depends on headcanon, without enough information on this fanfiction yet. However, assuming one or two little details, such a thing would make a great world building feature for a fanfiction like this one.
For a first time writer this is very good stuff. Definitely tracking and reading this one.
Pretty good start! I 'll keep track and see where this goes! Man I do have to say Twilight took a beating there. She isn't going to be walking any time soon that's for sure. Faved for now, but a like you must earn. Keep em coming!
7864888 She was in the wrong place as the wrong time. Hopefully she recovers
Chapter 2ness woo
here is waiting for more.
Seems interesting. Can't wait for more :)
That is now my favorite line I have ever edited.
Your welcome, buddy! Can't wait to work more on it!
Poor wolf was just tryin' to eat, man!
Okay so now chapter two is out and we see the humans side of the beginning and so far it's going well. I am interested in seeing just how he tries to mend her wounds. If you need any help or creative thought for future parts let me know I really like seeing poe stories, but far too many just follow the same crap.
7867998 I havn't personally read many POE actually so I'm going into this blind, haha. If you wouldn't mind listing a few tropes most follow, that'd help me avoid them
Usually I stick with HIE. Chapter 3 is done though I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with it. I received some tips on how one would tend to horse/pony wounds of this nature but how to incorporate that without it seeming TOO convenient is up in the air. We'll see what ya'll think once it's edited and released out into the wild.
7868147 Okay can't wait to see how it goes. Things of this nature you gotta figure stuff like infection (wild animal and potential diseases) stitching and dressing of the wound (depends on depth and severity), also how versed and experienced he may or may not be in a medical background. Though I am not saying he SHOULD know how to fix Twilight as she is a sapient species from another world/deminsion, but she IS equine (so still mammalian depending on how you are treating her species) in nature so the internals may be similiar for the most part.
I am a big person about details so it's the little things that really add to the bigger picture. I just think when things get really serious (as I feel how you are portraying it) experts need to be called in. That means doctors, veternians etc... making him capable of treating her wounds in a cabin in the middle of nowhere is pretty far fetched. But I not saying he cannot perform basic first aid and 'try' to get her bleeding to stop. I am just saying that any real medical procedure would need to be done at a proper facility or by trained medical professionals.
In any case I am rambling and I think would kinda spoil any of what you have planned or spoil it to others.
Throwing our that encouragement. I don't often comment but I have hope for this story, keep it up.
So far so good
Pretty good! And for once a bit of understanding. I like that you kinda incorporated things I had suggested as let's be honest with a being of this nature you can't exactly know how to mend her injuries. Though I am wondering how the reception will be taken when the vet arrives. A talking purple winged pony with a horn atop her forehead. Boy that will be a true shocker. Now I don't know the extent of her injuries but in reality she would need to be taken to a building for the proper medical treatment. Well that is to not say if the vet has a vehicle stocked with the appropriate supplies. Where I live where there's a lot of live stock and animals (I live out in the middle of farm country), some vets have mobile ambulances of sort stocked with everything they need to preform most of the services and surgeries needed to deal with most situations. Though some things still need to be taken care of at a proper facility. Though in this case... I am rambling again. Waiting to see the next chapter! If you need any creative thought I am usually here.
I like where you are going with this. The characters feel reasonable and overall their reactions are about what you would expect. Just folks trying to do okay in a weird situation. As to vets, I've worked on an alpaca farm for the past few years and the local large animal vet will almost always be very well prepared...if they know what to expect.
The kicker will be...does this vet report what he sees to a government agency. Not sinister but as in, "Got a case with an unusual animal. It may need to be quarantined in case it is carrying anything odd." And even if the vet doesn't do this, there is always talk and gossip. "Ya, I was talking to Doc Peterson and they said somethin' about treating a cure little purple unicorn with wings. I dunno, but maybe the doc needs to lay off the medicinal spirits."
I look forward to your next chapter. The only word of advice that I can really offer is to listen to your editors.
I haven't read it yet, but I just wanted to say real quick that I don't believe this needs the gore tag if it only shows blood and wounds since it's rated Mature. If it was simply rated Teen, however... THAT'S when you would have to add the gore tag.
as a side note, hydrogen peroxide does not sting on open wounds, its alcohol that does.
side side note: medical hydrogen peroxide is only 2-3% hydrogen peroxide, the rest is water. 80-98% hydrogen peroxide is used for rocket propellant, with a lot of different uses in-between.
7874903 Dunno about you but it stings for me!
7874964 Yeah that shit burns when I put it on a wound. killing the infection and all that.
7874964
I still don't think that would be enough to wake up after getting chomped on with a bunch of blood loss and passed out. Alcohol might though.
7876204 Unbelievable ponies do unbelievable things, like snapping awake from sharp stabs of pain
All I know is peroxide on an open wound hurts like hell. HELL. It's quick and short lived but the sudden application is horrid.
7876263
I invite you to try rubbing alcohol (or everclear) next time then, and let me know when you do. 3% hydrogen peroxide has nothing on alcohol for cleaning wounds and the resulting pain from the cleaning agent.
7876320 Haha I'm sure it's worse. I don't plan on getting any more such injuries though. I'll stick with arthritis in the interim.
This sounds a lot like the start to a game of the long dark. I'm a bit late but I can't wait to see where this goes.
7876535 Never thought of using that game as a premise but it would certainly work.
Pretty good! A well detailed and indepth chapter. I really like how you described tending to Twilight's injuries! Still... what of Edgar? Now there are two people that know of her existence. And what of her magic? Is she completely cut off from it? Or is it as another said. She needs to relearn how to call upon it. Like her body was reprogrammed due to the nature of the new world, but her brain is yet to understand how to tap into her innate source of magic. Also now that shes in another realm and... well more realistic would she need to wear clothing? Nudity and all that stuff. Keep it coming its going pretty good so far!
This is fun to read. Hope to see a new chapter soon.
Please continue.
Really enjoying this. Well worth tracking.
I don't see how this guy goes from a conversation about a war to assuming her species romances several individuals at once... That's a stretch.
7943699 It all depends on the individual. We all do not think the same. While you might hear 'war' and want to think about it and pursue that as a topic, that's your thing. If another person found the fact there were more females than males more interesting as a topic, they'll pursue that instead.
7943699
7943753 Thinking about it, war is something that we hear about on a near daily basis, so it's understandable that some people would hear the term and go "meh".
But a polygamous society with a severely skewed gender ratio? That's something most people are unfamiliar with. And while certain unknowns may fill us with fear, they can also elicit curiousity and the drive for discovery. So it's really not that far-fetched to think someone would find that fact more interesting in today's world.
Took a look. Glad I did. Good hook buddy.
Pretty good chapter! Twilight is getting her first taste of human technology is nice to see her geek out and transfix herself on it. The whole equestrian being polygamists? Meh... I grow tired hearing about this. It's used far to often and I do hope you make it out like that it may be known it's not the norm. Also talk of taking her out to see the doctor again! I am interested in seeing how this trip goes. Still no talk of her magic or how it's seemingly vanished from her being, but there's plenty of tIme for that later. Getting her well and healed up is the main focus. Hope to see another chapter soon! Always open if you ever need and creative ideas to keep this train rolling!
It's been a few weeks now since the last update, can we get a sit-rep?
It is one of those stories that deserves more attention in my opinion because I think it is very good. Really hoping here that there is more to come because it would be a real shame if it ends like this....
Will this be continued?
Hope you're doing well Sacred Blade.