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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ya i can see this happening
I liked it... Its sad but its the truth, the sad truth of the matter is that they are to much the same... Rainbow loves him but can't stand him and can't really understand her own feelings, and I feel like he is coming around and understanding what is really happening. Dash is thick headed so it will more than likely take longer for her to come around and truly understand.
I'm enjoying the story and really enjoyed this chapter, I hope that Rainbow see's and maybe tires to find anger management or something... Then again the MC might need them as well along with some other things. In the end I hope this turns out for the best... Its really leaving me on the edge of my seat and I like it!
Depressing, but I like it. Yeah, of all the mane 6, Rainbow was probably the worst option.
Damn. This is a whirlwind shitstorm.
Hooh boy, the plot thickens! Can't wait to see what happens next.
Ah, friends. Think they know what's best... Screw'em...
Don't know why you think people hate this one. I've read all 3 stories and I got to say I like this one the most cause we get to know more about Ryan and what he's like. I can't wait to see what happens next.
I'm just curious about the direction the story will take from here.
Good story but really wish it included clop scenes at the relavent spots.
8705838
I would have included those, but truth be told, I suck when it comes to writing sex scenes. Initially, I thought I could just write out my own personal experiences and incorporate them into the story... But then I realized that I was drunk constantly and can hardly remember the women I fucked, let alone what I was doing during the process.
8713830
Good. I see him as closer to a strider anyway
8715425
But with less time shenanigans XP
8715665
I don’t know.
In the perfect mate he kinda has the multiple selves thing of a heart player. He might just be Dirk, just not as ironic.
8715715
That's what the heart players are?
8717280
Some I guess. Like with how Light can mean luck, heart can mean soul. It's been confirmed that Jake's brain clone of Dirk came about from some fusion of Dirk's Heart powers and Jake's Hope powers.
But The auto-responder also had some form of sentience, so I don't really know.
I don't think any other Heart players did anything like that.
Maybe it's just a Dirk thing, or maybe it's just as clear as anything in Homestuck.
8717651
I think it explains everything to just say, "It's Homestuck." It's like when Pinkie comes on screen and pulls some fuckery that can only be explained as, "It's Pinkie."
8796075
Eh. I don't do dislikes. I think it's an immature way of expressing one's feelings.
A much more constructive way of venting is to tell the people in charge of what upset you what you didn't like and why.
For example, there's no plot. At least, not as far as I've read. I understand it's a slice-of-life story, but even those need something to invest the reader. Ryan is just bouncing from place to place, getting drunk, making an ass of himself, and getting laid because of it.
The first couple chapters are supposed to get a reader to want more out of the story, but all I've felt so far is mild contempt and bewilderment aimed toward the main character.
I've already mentioned that I don't like Ryan, but it should be noted that the reason for this is a massive black mark for the story. A protagonist should be relatable, and Ryan's vagrant, town-drunk persona is anything but. I find most people aren't dickheads. At least, not to Ryan's level.
And why on any earth would he invite someone he considers to be his rapist to live with him? Her being homeless wouldn't sway things. In fact, I think most people, if put into Ryan's situation, would see her crying and just think, "Good. You deserve all of this and worse."
I mean, seriously, what would you do if you were raped "every hour on the hour" for two weeks, and then the rapist showed up crying and begging for a place to stay? I think I'd get my gun, personally. Maybe I'd close the door and call the police, if I were feeling exceedingly charitable.
And that's just for the rape, not counting the rest of the horrifying shit she did to him.
Anyway, those are the biggest problems I've found so far. I dunno if I'm going to continue. If it does get better, my advice to you is this: Either delete or re-write the first four chapters. Nothing of note happens in them. You could honestly just start off with Ryan sliding out of Pinkie's bedroom window and nothing important would be lost. As played-out as the "Queen Chrysalis is my roommate!?!?!" plotline is, it's at least something to start with.
8797199
Alright, I'm gonna to level with you for the sake of what little pride I actually do have.
This was one of those stories I made without any real direction being in mind. It was just a fun little side project that I would work on after a few drinks. I'd get drunk, I'd type a chapter, and post it.
It honestly was not supposed to last as long as it did, but because it gained a little popularity, I actually started to create a story arch. But that doesn't start until the chapter labeled 'Friendly Enounters', so everything before that is kind of just fuckery.
Now I could go back and delete those, but the chapters after that point let's you dig into a place where the character's faults are being shoved into his face. So the fuckery in the beginning has become something of a filler and a way of showing how he is changing as the story goes on.
I don't blame you if you can't see it that way. That's my own fault for not doing it right to begin with, but that's the way I'm working with it now.
As for rewriting, it's not that I don't want it to be better, it's just that I've already made it and it's sentimental to me in a way. So I really don't want to change it cause, even though it's not great, it's how I started. You know?
8797199
And as a side note;
3 years ago I offered to take in the woman who molested me when I was 5. She was in a rut and though she probably deserved it, I still made the offer. People make mistakes and some of us just don't care enough to hold a grudge. It happened, there's nothing I can do about it. And even though I could have told her to 'Fuck off', I didn't. Can't say I know why, but what she did really doesn't bother me that much. I actually make jokes about it from time to time both IRL and in some of the stories I write.
8798664
There's a place for filler in stories. The beginning of it is not such a place.
8799015
Dude, rape is more than a "mistake". It's something you'd have to be seriously fucked up in the head to do, even in the heat of the moment. And Chrysalis definitely didn't do it in the heat of the moment.
She fucking kidnapped Ryan and kept him as a sex slave for two goddamn weeks. He'd have to have some serious Stockholm syndrome to not start screaming the moment he saw her.
No offense meant, but I think you probably need a little more self-respect.
8799278
I've said my part for the story aspect. I'm not changing it. It's a reminder of how I started and how I'm improving.
I don't know you, but I can assume that you've gone through rough times. We all have. That's just how life is.
But, when you go through a traumatic experience, one thing is always garunteed.
1: You're gonna be haunted for the rest of your life. That experience will constantly be over your shoulder, whispering it's sweet nothings into your ear.
However, there are two things that people can do about it.
1: Let that memory torment them, dictate their every move, and shape their life through the fear that it could happen again.
2: They can accept the past, break through the barriers that they were forced to put up, and move on.
If you ask me, choosing to let that memory ruin my life and destroy my faith in humanity would be disrespecting myself. Instead, I chose the high route. Or, what I personally see as the high route. You may think differently, but that's your opinion.
I left the past in the past, I moved on, and I chose to be my own person, not what my fears wanted me to be.
Again, this is my own personal opinion. You're free to disagree if your wish. But, I think that deciding to run my own life without letting something like that alter my world views is a hell of a lot more respectful to me than letting myself suffer because of it.
Life is shit, but we should all do what we can to move on from all of the fucked up shit that happens to us. Otherwise, you're just a slave to your own emotional limitations.
Sorry for ranting. My point in all of that is simply this; I am not a puppet to pain.
8800666
That's too bad, because this story is in desperate need of a little cleaning. Nostalgia seems a poor excuse to keep dysfunctional things around to me.
It wouldn't even be difficult. Those first four chapters are the only things that keep the beginning from working.
There's a third option, actually: Learn from it.
Accept that, yes it happened. Don't constantly dwell on it; but don't ever forget. Always keep in mind that someone whose brain chemistry is fucked up enough that they will rape someone is probably not someone to hang around, and especially not to accept as a roommate.
Would you also let a serial abuser/drug addict live with you, or is it just rape that gets a free pass? I'm genuinely curious.
8801664
I've lived with drug dealers, drug users, abusers, murderers, theives, and so on. I'm related to most of them, but I had a lot of friends like that to.
Where I grew up, almost everyone you met was fucked in one way or another. Just keep your nose out of their habits and you won't get stabbed. That was the only rule you lived by, other than 'See that cop? Run!'
8802022
Jesus. That's rough, man.
Seriously, the fact that you see no issue in associating with people who have histories of violence says nothing pleasant about what your life has been like.
Seems a simple rule to live by until you realize two things:
1) Someone who is regularly disrupting their brain chemistry with narcotics probably has a much looser definition of what counts as a transgression than most people.
2) With normal people it's the same, but without the mental instability or threat of stabbing. Really, the worst you'd get is a bitching.
Well, anyway. This conversation is getting perhaps too personal. All we're doing now is airing your dirty laundry, which I don't want to do. Peace.
8802664
Never heard that term before, but you're probably right. I'm don't have a problem sharing though. One person's bad experience is another person's history lesson. Helps keep others out of trouble.
But yeah, thanks for the feedback.
I'll admit, you made some good points...I MIGHT go back and look over those first few chapters. Gotta get over my stubbornness first.
You have my apologies for me being a little bull-headed. I need to remember to be more open to critisism about my work.
So yeah, sorry about all of this.
8802683
Ah, well, I was being bullheaded too. I'm not gonna pretend like you were the only aggressor in this conversation. I'll proffer my own apology on that end.
I see you are a man of culture and have joined the ranks of the Delirious army. Raise da roof madafukas raise da roof!
8942381
Shuch up. Ain't no body ask you to speak XP