It's the night before the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration and the Royal Guards assigned to Ponyville are arriving to secure the town. Among them is Jade Storm, the newest and youngest member of the Royal Guard. In fact, he is one of the youngest ponies ever to join the royal guard directly from the academy. He was immediately resented by his fellow guards and rumours swirled around about meddling noble families and favouritism.
Jade simply carried on as best he could since joining the guard was his dream for many years. For him, this was his way to prove he was able to stand on his own hooves. To show those ponies who turned their backs on him that he had value. Most of all, it was a way for Jade Storm to convince himself he wasn't useless like he had been told by nearly everypony he knew. Someday a chance to prove himself would arise and he would take that opportunity without hesitation.
Gore Tag: The early chapters have some violent events and descriptions of injuries that may be disturbing to some readers.
Gonna check this out in a bit battle.
Not sure what the c is for. Is that see?
You have two instances of out there.
Missing to between required and recognize.
I think you mean they moved instead of the moved.
Start climb? Either start climbing or climb.
This was all I noticed with this story thus far. I know I don't usually act as an editor for you but for some reason I felt like it tonight. Hopefully that's okay.
7828419 Can't believe I missed that one.
Should have said 'chill out a bit.' Fixed. Along with the other ones you spotted. Thank you!
7828507
Haha thanks. I am eager to see what you think of my adventure one is put out. Should be out sometime next week.
Not sure if this will change later, but this story feels more like an adventure than a slice of life to me. Gonna give this a review on my blog because this story is good.
7879303 - Fear not for the slice of life will come into play soon! Unfortunately, bad experiences sometimes make for good story.
...Isn't Jade a girl's name? Was making all the chapters around 4'000 words intentional?
7897271 I found Jade was a name that has been used for both genders but yes, there is a slight bias towards it being a girls name. It may have been a useful ambiguity. The consistent 4000-word length of the first three chapters is merely a coincidence. I try to make the chapters the length that feels right to me. I expect it'll vary quite a bit more as time goes on.
You did a good job at making me care about Jade.
7913150 I'll consider that an achievement.
Glad you liked it.
This is an awesome story!
It boggles the mind as to why this does not have more likes
Keep up the good work, and thank you!
7927600 - Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! It's always nice to have more people liking the story but it's not my focus. As long as a few people are interested in what I'm creating, I'm good to keep going.
I think something is missing from last sentence in this paragraph?
He sure felt the ground good. Hehe.
Another fantastic chapter! And you have me incredible insight on how to revise one of my stories!
7928705 Thank you! I tweak that whole paragraph a bit. Glad you enjoyed it and found some inspiration.
7932635
That edit makes a lot more sense to me. I hope that the way I'm pointing out this stuff comes off as me being amused, and not some other way that could be contrived as annoying.
7935056 - No issues here, I appreciate you pointing those errors out! Sometimes my mind just doesn't catch errors like that even after reviewing the chapter half a dozen times. Nothing wrong with being amused by mistakes like that one.
I love this story!
Thank you for another awesome chapter!
7987575 Glad to hear it!
I appreciate your kind words.
Im realy enjoying this fic!
MOAR PLZ!
7989355 - Thank you!
The more I read this story, the angrier I get. Not about the story in general, it's awesome! I'm just mad that Twilight is stubborn and doesn't want to see the story through Jade's eyes and what Rainbow said to him. That was a low blow of her.
So Rainbow, how would you like it if you're crippled instead of Jade Storm? Not be able to fly anymore or to sleep or walk on clouds? So please think twice before you say something like that!
All this aside, great story my friend! I hope justice will come soon for Jade Storm.
8018707 - Oh I understand entirely, thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far! It's pretty much the reaction I was shooting for in these early chapters. It's easy to accept a judgment when you have absolute faith in the system.
When compared with the season 6 incarnations, all of them have grown and matured. Season 1 Twilight is a believer in logic, observation, and evidence. Accepting the word of one pony over the sworn testimony of twenty goes against everything she believes in. As for Rainbow Dash, one of her early weakness in early stories was jumping to conclusions and speaking without thinking.
I came here to see if I can have other work of you with the calibre of "finding a place" and I'm not disapointed =).
It's a really great beginning and I'm looking forward for the next chapyer (hope It will be soon, it's been 9 month since the publication of this chapter after all...) =D.
8570351 - Thank you kindly! I do intend to continue this story, it just ran into the same problem as Impossible Life. A mixture of motivation and writer's block slammed me hard over the past year so I chose one story and have been focusing on it just to keep myself going. Now I actually have some ideas for where this story will be heading, I just need to get the ball rolling on writing it again. Can't make any promises on timing just yet; that would be foolish at this time of year.
I love this story so far, despite how pissed off it makes me to read about Jade being sabotaged by ponies who were supposed to have his back. Anyway, I have an idea about how the tables can turn on the guards who lied. PM me back if you're interested.
Honestly this story is the exact type that I love. I've always enjoyed stories with guards, and this delivers! Betrayal also makes for a good story in my book, as stories with ponies that aren't the literal personification of all that is good in the world are a joy to read. Homelessness is also an interesting and serious topic for me, even if it's temporary. Are you going to continue this work of art? It's amazing so far, and if it is continued I can't wait to read more!
So far this had been a great read! I'll definitely have to track this one.