I'm a 16 year old fan of MLP. I am an aspiring artist with a love for drawing ponies. My writing may not be perfect, but I love to do it anyway.
It can be hard to move on after a loss. Twilight Sparkle can tell you that. After the loss of somepony close, Twilight has to deal with raising her three kids alone. One night, the youngest, Starlight Aurora, wakes up from a nightmare. Starlight takes Twilight back to memories she both loved and hated. Twilight tries to comfort her daughter in the best way possible.
Kind of based of my story The Next Generation of Harmony, but is not connected to it in any way.
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The story itself was decent, if perhaps a bit overly expository in the narration at the start. But what I felt was the biggest issue was the paragraph spacing. When you perform indentations for new paragraphs, the standard is to start the next paragraph on the next line with no spaces in between. That said, it isn't too uncommon for people to indent and then have a blank space between paragraphs. However, this story seems to have a whopping three spaces between paragraphs. Normally having that many spaces is only used to demonstrate a scene or time change, but here it's very paragraph, which makes it look awkward.
7715492 thank you for the input. I didn't realize there was three spaces between paragraphs since on the Google doc I wrote it on only has one space in between.
dawwww but BUT *does a little jig ha suck it flash*
Few inconsitencies in your tenses (there are places where you switch from past to present and back in the same paragraph) but aside from that this is a lovely if sad little read.
I have reviewed this HERE.