• Member Since 7th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen Apr 5th, 2018

Storm Talon


American GM and general nerd

E

After the events of Viva Las Pegasus, Flim and Flam took over management of the Ponet Fatastique. Not wishing to repeat the mistake Gladmane made, they decide to give the current acts time to tour during the off season. Their replacements turn out to be less than ideal.
Their new animal handler, Show Stealer, is a foreigner who has been performing his act for years. During a dress rehearsal, however, he loses his temper on one of his most exotic creatures, one he bought from griffins. He ends up imprisoned, while Flim and Flam decide to see if Fluttershy will help them once again.
Fluttershy is in for a surprise, however, when the creature begins to speak. Soon, Fluttershy takes him in, hoping she can help him in his efforts to integrate into pony society.
How will the rest of Ponyville handle a frightened child, unused to civilization?
The brewing tensions with Griffonia certainly aren't helping the situation, either.

Note that this is not a HiE Story.

Begins Post Season 6 Finale, so watch for spoilers ahead. Written under the assumption of at least basic knowledge of the show.

Chapters (23)
Comments ( 10 )

>OC with wangsty back story.
>OC shares the author's name.
>Romance tag.
>Show, Don't Tell is being ignored.

Going to have to leave a down-vote.

7770036

I can see how you'd interpret him as wangsty, but that's the character background I came up with for this story.
The shared name thing is due to the fact that I created this account for Nanowrimo. Talon is definitely not a self insert. If anything, the closest I get in this story is Discord or Pinkie. :pinkiehappy:
Romance tag because romance.
For show, don't tell, would you be willing to provide some examples and alternatives? Even just a few will help when I get more editing done. :twilightsmile:

Thanks for giving feedback. I really do appreciate constructive criticism.

How many kinds of ponies are there that I don't know about? Next there'll be some sort of ponies with fins or bug wings or something.”

*cough*

7770124 literally second link on Google search “show don't tell" is this.
First is Wikipedia.
Hopefully it will help.

Holy hell!, emperor palpatine is in the house!!!

I'm loving this story keep it up.

I already was thinking something along the lines of half-dragon half something, but this seems to prove it. After all, what else has scales?

They really should’ve talked to big mac. Dang show stopper.

Okay, i was wondering why somepony didn’t go with him to the park, but there wasn’t that big of a problem. THIS, on the other hand? You don’t take a trauma patient somewhere like where the trauma happened without someone who knows what they’re freaking doing going with them. Fluttershy should at least go with him.

You know, im pretty sure he might be the bad pony, and not his brother.

Butterscotch cinnamon pie... I noticed that undertale reference the moment I saw it. I tip my hat to you.

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