Twilight Sparkle travels north to an archaeological dig site to investigate an ancient and forgotten magic left behind by the ponies of old.
With her are Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity, all interested in taking a well-deserved break from work to help Twilight. With them is also a sphinx, and ancient creature older than pony-kind and who is following the discovery with great interest.
Written for NaPoWriMo. Teen for some darker themes and elements.
There was a double space between the and Immortal.
I wasn't sure if this repetition was intentional or not.
7704516 Cheers! I'll try and get to fixing those when I'm able.
7704549
You're welcome.
7704553 That's kinda the issue with NaPoWriMo, I'm afraid. It's supposed to be about getting lots of stuff out, not about carefully editing them.
Like I said, should hopefully be fun, though!
7704557
For what it's worth, I've found the fic interesting. And the mistakes I found were minor.
7704575 Well, I do try to get the first draft at least presentable.
Less work on editing later. The real time-consuming bit is that I'd typically wait a week to let it sit then re-read the whole thing aloud to myself, which isn't really an option here.
Do you think you'll win NaPoWriMo?
7712454 I don't think you 'win' NaPoWriMo.
You either meet your target or you don't.
In that sense, I believe I'll meet my target. I'm remarkably good at getting what I want when I really try.
Digger Douglas?
I like it!
Oh dear, the mistrust and suspense! Stop it! What if everypony just died?
7722983 Well, I probably wouldn't be able to get to 50K words if I just killed everyone right this minute.
At least one character has to make it to 50K.
7723654 Yeah that's what I meant by....
Wait NO WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING NOW?!
7723859 derpicdn.net/img/2013/2/9/237498/large.png
7724040
NOOOOO CLOVER!
Why can't Zeref just spare her?
Interesting.
I am hopeful to see this story succeeds. The idea is absolutely great while the execution falls a little short. Good word count per chapter, yak yak yak.
I am very hopeful for this story.
7739384 To be fair, I'm tempted to agree: NaPoWriMo is more about getting lots of words out into the world, not careful editing. The other story I'm currently publishing has less words in total but took more than two months to write and edit in its entirety, both by myself and a few other prereaders.
Hopefully those execution issues you mentioned will get cleaned up over an editing cycle or two. Glad you're hopeful regardless!
Ouch, that hurts the story by a little!
Anyways, did you kill off Clover just like that?
7746556 Cheers for pointing that out! This excuse is going to get old real quick, but it is tricky to spellcheck everything whilst still pumping out the words for NaPoWriMo.
Frankly, I didn't intend to make it look like Clover died: more that Zerephonzidas was merely keeping her away from Celestia. Thing is, though, I don't really mind people thinking she kicked the bucket: it's really rather the same result either way.
I'm quite happy to leave that up to reader interpretation.
7746562 Ohh okay I see, well, I hoped that she lived on.
Finally an actual casualty!
Oh... I didn't expect it to end that quick...
Anyways, you want edit help? I can point a few out
and embarrass you in public!7761385 Eventually, but frankly, first I just want to rest for a bit.
I've been writing 2k words daily, and it's been a bit exhausting. I'd still love to hear any thoughts you have, but it'll take me a while to get to actually using what you say constructively. There's a lot I want to fix myself, actually, mostly to do with Zerephonzidas's consistency, a lot of the descriptions, and some of the more redundant scenes.
I actually calculated the estimated word-count early on and plotted how far I wanted to go. I tried to make it fit neatly into 50k words, but I expect the edited version to probably grow longer. They usually do.
Well that was something. Good work on the story.
As one ancient being would say to another. "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
10107062 Ha ha, quite. Gotta love Firefly quotes...
Great suspense and certainly the best treatment of MLP sphinxes I've seen.