And the plot thickens...

Well, I am wondering just what exactly is using Fluttershy as a host. I would allow my mind to wander, but then knowing myself I would most likely end up with some God awful image in my head. And well, that doesn't sound to fun.

You also did start the first person perspective I see. I can't help but think it sounds a little choppy for some reason, of course I don't read many first person stories, so my opinion is a little biased on this. When I say choppy, I'm talking about the descriptions. I liked the dialog and everything else, they were all done well, but the descriptions just feel a little jarring. Sorry, but I don't really know how to describe it better than that sadly

So with that, I'll leave you with a 'good luck' on writing the rest

97332

Well you're in luck because I've got ideas of where this could go.

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I just wanted to point out that, "yes that was where my inspiration came from" so people didn't come in and point out the similarities and call me a theif or anything.

98309

Is that an official question for clarification on Fluttershy's friend? Why not let me spell out the god awful image for you xD

As for the choppy first person, that would probably be because it's been a long time since I wrote in the first person and I'm still getting used to it. And also because I didn't really feel the need to be super critical on my style, I just wrote some stuff. I'll try to keep it more fluid in the future though.

98694
I would have no complaints if you wanted to, knock yourself out ^_^

And no no no, don't let my nit-pickyness keep you from what you want to do. I'm perfectly fine with it, and if you think that you don't need to be all that critical, then you don't have to. You should do what you want to do.

Is this dead?