"I want coffee, but not free coffee. I want to pay for my coffee like an American!"
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are having a sleepover party during nighmare night and well... things get creepy...
Well here it is... the fic i promised. anyways slight gore ahead. i tried to keep this as clean as possible so it wouldn't be just a blood bath like some other fics.
(Rated teen because of slight gore and horror themes)
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While this story definetly had an ideal plot, that Twilight twist ending was out of nowhere, and some parts were just weird.
• Why is Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, killing her best friend— which she has stated many times Pinkie is— with absolutely no guilt or hesitation, whatsoever? She just listens to the voice for some reason? And even besides that, there wasn't enough build up to that point. It was just, Oh, Dashie killed Pinkie?, and you moved on. Reminds me of Rocket to Insanity for some reason.
• CUPS. Get an editor. It'll most definetly do you some good, hun.
• Twilight. Put in some more clues leading up to her big reveal. We, the audience, need at least some kind of thought about who this voice was coming from. And with the way she was speaking, it most certainly didn't sound like Twilight.
•
Why didn't Rainbow Dash ask who ‘she’ was, instead of just stabbing Pinkie thinking that's who the voice was talking about? I mean, once again, this her best friend. And she just stabs her.
Overall, nice idea. But could really be improved!
It's pretty good but not to be mean or anything the story could have more detail and to me I think it moved from one scene to another a bit to fast thats my opinion I don't want to hurt your feelings if I did I'm sorry
7682236
dude i live in finland. Im used to people insulting me. Anyways i want honest criticism because it helps me to become better. And i know this fic is probbaly one of my worst ever but its also my first horror fic. If you would go and read my really old star wars romance fanfics you would probably die of cringe but i have become better due to criticism for you guys. And i try to branch out a bit from romance every now and then... that said my next fic is romance
but trust me honest criticism isn't gonna hurt my feelings.
Ok I just feel guilty when I criticise people I don't kno irl
Intriguing idea you had very thriller esque. I love the receipt plan (RUN) I think interjecting Twilight earlier in small scene throughout the story would flush your horror fic more while sort of foreshadowing a ironic *plot twist* Perhaps hinting or have said the knife once possessed will control the wielder to kill the nearest living thing. It is very difficult to imagine RD killing any of her friends being the icon of loyalty that is. Alternate universe aside naturally. I hope I am not coming across as negative for I enjoyed your story was pretty nifty and I did like the surprise ending personally though a bit random like but being a Pinkie Pie fan I do enjoy the random looking forward towards your romance fic that is coming.
7685064 constructive criticism is always great to read. Thx
Shoot I got chills at read this a 10 pm. What have you done to me?!
holy shit!