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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That's what I'd call an action packed chapter! And not only that, you have fresh and inventive ideas and a good way of executing them. Also, I love all the references to the events of the original FO:E story
Surely looking forward to see more of this crazy pony party!
Love the story so far! I'd love to see more. Keep up the good work!
I like your flashbacks. It's a nice way to get a little bit of Ardent's background at a time. And your level up and quest perk for this chapter. *kisses fingers* Bellisima
NOES! Not those! Anything else than those!... I do not know what those are exactly just yet, but I do not expect that it is a REVIEW TIME which this is.
Wait... no popping of the tired joints after a long long day of wastelanding and then celebrating? How young and spry is this stallion! Well this could explain a bit about why he is so green and wet behind the ears... And why he are staring at all of the flanks as well!
So seeing the textfile that there got downloaded, with it being plain text like the rest of the chapter is it a bit confusing at first. I have seen a lot of people write read text in italic, but I quite like it when the quote coding are used as it makes it pop out a little bit more.
Its always really interresting to see what original ideas people have, some invent giant rock lobsters, some ghoul unicorns that leak spells like glowing ones leak radiation, and now necromantic chimeras. The nature of the wasteland is really fascinating!
NOES! It was a cliffhanger! It was one of those! But cliffhangers are cheaty and not at all fun and annoying and cheaty and stupid and cheaty and not at all fun!
Nitpicks:
"It seems I found my place among ELPIS after all, as a barmaid." Changing the comma out of an ellipse would make the flow better would I say.
"He levitated out a scalpel and carved into the conjoining part of pony and blaotsprite" Bloatsprite
"Sorry Luna" Should be in italic... I think