Blue Skies, a relatively shy pegasus stallion, has always had feelings for Fluttershy, but has also been too shy to admit them. His best friend is Soarin', but befriending a wonderbolt isn't easy and Soarin' is just too busy nowadays to hang out with Blue Skies as much as he did when they were both little colts. He's hated that Fluttershy's been teased, but he's been too soft-spoken to stand up for her. What will happen when he confesses feelings for her?
How will Fluttershy react, indeed?
Chapters (2)
First Post!
Ooh, great story btw. Good to see another story at the very least involving Soarin, aren't too many on FimFiction. Great job so far please continue.
Well done, well done indeed. Short but sweet, with just enough of the plot and characters to make the reader excited for more, without laying it on too thick. Exactly what you should have in an introduction chapter, and I eagerly await the next!
I'll get you a more precise review of the chapter later tonight. I can already think of a few pointers that should be easy tweaks for you to make, and will help you take your writing up to the next notch. You're not far at all from being an amazing writer, believe you me.
>>YourPalFluttershy
I definitely plan on continuing. This is of course my first fimfic I'll have ever written, so all criticism, whether positive or negative, will be appreciated. And thank you for writing more than just First Post, haha.
>>Razorbeam
I'm not entirely sure you realize how much your praise means to me, good sir, but believe you me, I weigh your words with the most severity. I look forward very much to "a more precise review of the chapter". In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Always good to take advantage of being on vacation.
Whoever disliked this, take it back. That's just rude.
832075 They won't do it. They never do.
837176
Pricks... - .-
Well, on the bright side, 10 people favorited the story. I'm sure it's not a lot, but it's a lot more than just 1 dislike, haha.
There is no acceptable excuse for how long it took me to get this chapter ready for viewing, so I won't offer any!
Other than that though, I hope you enjoy it!
Well that's one way to... break the ice.
"Day one: I have infiltrated Fluttershy's home. She still thinks I am helpless; everything is going as planned."
I like the turn you've taken, and I enjoy the way you've portrayed Fluttershy thus far. She's not as withdrawn as I would have expected of her character, but this is clearly due to her concern and desire to help Blue, which is very much in her nature. All in all, well done! A few minor errors throughout, and a line or two where some words might be better off flipped about, but all in all, good show! As always, I look forward to more!
1004512 So, after reading my message which will be a response to you review... perhaps you may notice that indeed, I have begun two, count em two! Stories. In other words, there is one out there, by the same author, me, which is also in existence! It is... extant? That's a word? Yes, it is, okay then.
The remarkable contrast between your good-natured positive reinforcement of a comment on a story and a "buckle up" worthy, good-natured but detailed criticism of a story through a private message... the results are staggering.
After reading my story to myself, aloud, I realized "Wow, it takes much longer to read aloud than to read in my mind." And indeed caught a few errors, a "weak" instead of the intended "wake", an extra "about" that had no business there, and a "began" instead of a "begun".
And after realizing some of the more severe flaws, I really do hope that I can actually, genuinely entertain rather than simply put forth words that you'll grudgingly read due to your general benevolence which you extend to others on a regular basis simply by your nature. I will earn your good-will! That is to say, maybe, hopefully... perhaps...
So, remember: What's Wrong with Tia? And also remember: shortskirtsandexplosions. Why? Because I'm aware of the possibility that you might not have noticed his work, or perhaps you have and didn't take particular note of it... but I'd be interested in seeing your opinion on the likes of one of his stories. Just out of curiosity.
And also, remember, I realize your time is precious. And that you are often busy. And every moment you devote to my being rather than your own or someone else's, as creepy as it may sound, I do value highly that which you willingly contribute. Not for personal gain on your part, but for the genuine and honest desire to improve someone else's work.
There were a few grammatical errors and things I thought could be better, so I've listed what I've got below. A pre-reader could help, but there weren't that many, so you could probably get most of them yourself by proof reading.
Despite the errors, I liked it. You're a good writer, especially when compared to some of the other I've seen on this site.
Blue is spelled with an i instead of an l.
This wasn't dialogue, but is was in quotes.
Double quotation mark at the beginning.
There's a bit of word repetition with work and job.
1330282 Well, you've got quite the eye for detail don't you? Unfortunately those nasty grammatical errors just seem to love sneaking their way into the most unexpected of places, just to sort of... well, let's just settle for agreement on the fact that unintentional errors are annoying little eyesores. Anyways...
I'll go ahead and correct that stuff. But the truth is, this story's on hiatus right now... I did change that, didn't I? I don't know when I'll continue it because I sort of... I suppose I began writing it for the wrong reasons, and I wasn't really sure where I was going with it... The truth is a pre-reader named Medicshy and the words of Razorbeam sort of... well, they didn't kill my motivation to continue the story, but more helped me realize that I shouldn't have even tried to write it in the first place. Or at least that's what I got out of it, in a way. Seriously, writing is hard!
I do adore your praise, that you call me a "good writer" but a good writer wouldn't just abandon his own stories like the rotten milk they appear to be. Or maybe he would? I'm not sure.
As you may have noticed, I tend to be a bit rambly. I prate and prattle. I make nonsensical noises towards that void which somehow brings me both joy and depression. And repeat myself. And go off on tangents. In essence, it's as though my mind is in a constantly altered state without any other added chemicals to change the balance, other than perhaps those et ceteras that are released as a result of sleep deprivation.
I really should get some sleep. After doing my homework, which I have procrastinated upon. Minecraft... oh, how that temptress holds me fast with its allure! Its hypnotic facade, its glorious visage, blast it, it drives me to insanity and insomnia.
I hope you have fun reading this comment, written by me at approximately 2:00 a.m. Maybe I can squeeze in a few more words, though.
Since this story is like a ship stilled in windless waters, I'd ask you for any recommendations you have. Recommendations as to how you might want to see the story progress, whether in private message or comment. I beseech thee, create in me a better writer!
P.S. .. How did you find this story anyways?
And I leave you...
With Spike.
1336073
Why would you think you shouldn't be writing? Yeah, its way harder than one might think, but most things are anyway.
I consider myself a writer, not a great one, but a writer nonetheless. I've got a few published stories under my belt, but the thing is I've never actually finished a story completely.
I used to play an mmo called Dead Frontier, but the effect of the game itself eventually wore off. The story section of the forum, however, did not. I posted a couple of stories there, and one was relativity popular. I never finished it. Literally on the before the final chapter, I announced that I didn't want to write anymore. The readers were understanding, but pretty cut, and I felt like a dick for doing that to them.
I kept writing in that forum for a while, but none of my other attempts were as popular, nor got anywhere as close to finishing as the original.
MLP is my second attempt at writing. My current story, From Skies Above, was my pride an joy for a while. My skills had improved considerably, and I was able to write for longer. I eventually hit the point where the novelty of writing had wore off, and it felt a bit like a chore to keep going, but I promised myself that I wouldn't give up like I did with my first story.
...and my first pony story.
...and my second.
...and the other pony stories I started but didn't finish. On my computer, the FSA document is called 's9', because there were eight story attempts before if. All unfinished.
I'd taken the step of actually posting FSA because I didn't want to out six thousand words of effort to waste, and the praise I received made believed it was worth continuing, so I kept going.
It wasn't easy, and wasn't always fun, but eventually I got my drive to write back, and the chapters kept coming.
Then I hit my second problem.
When I started From Skies Above, it was little more than an experiment. I didn't have any plans to go on, but it suddenly became very popular. I came up with a few ideas of directions, pushed on, and FSA's popularity grew dramatically. Soon I found it with a whopping 700+ likes to just 30 dislikes. I was shocked, and the pressure of disappointing all those readers really got to me. Long story short, I made some stupid decisions, and ended up with a product that I didn't like. I didn't plan it out, and I painted myself into a corner.
Now here I am, deciding what I'm going to do about it through rambling on another person's story.
Wow, that went off topic fast.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: don't give up. If you find yourself uninterested, then try and make yourself interested. Read something similar, or change try an include something you like, or just ride it out. Giving up gets you nowhere, but if you finish, even if your work is flawed, you've got something to show!
Also, keep calm and think things through. I painted myself into a corner on FSA through lack of a plan and hasty decisions. Don't make the same mistake I did.
If you find a flaw, work to fix it. I didn't like how my characters turned out, so I did a few experiments to practice. My skills improved even more.
There's no end to my story just yet. I'm still living it. Hell, I'm rambling on and on in a place where I probably shouldn't be.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore! I think I've rambled enough about my writing life for one day. And hell, that's over 600 words of rambling!
Never give up. You either do, or you don't. As cliched as they are, they're still bloody good bits of advice.
I'm losing my direction, so I'll cut this off here.
Oh, and I found your story through Razorbeam's user page. He's got it in his top favourites if you hadn't noticed already.
-Sparklight
1336229 Interesting, how Razorbeam attracts like-minded people to myself, to a degree. I did know he put me on that profile page of his, but after my expectations of a popularity boom for my story fizzled out, it kind of faded to the background of my mind. So now I'll remember that if I see another person randomly favoriting "Flights and Feelings" that I'll have Razorbeam to thank.
You weren't nearly as rambling as you could have been. I boast of greater ramble abilities.
Does it humble you at all that your story which is about... 40k words right now, is about 1 chapter of Background Pony? Seriously, SS&E churned out a 40k chapter for his story. And I still haven't read it yet. I find myself looking at my 21 unread chapters of favorites, and wonder why I haven't read any of it. Sort of. Then I kind of figure, if I haven't even got time to read, what time have I got to write?
I love to read. I really love to read. Reading = fun and awesomeness. But maybe that's just all some of us are meant to be, readers instead of writers. Or authors. Authors I guess is more appropriate, in this context.
I'm afraid of popularity, actually. Because then I'll have a bunch of people let down if my story has a flaw or doesn't fulfill expectations. But as they are currently mired in oblivion, I can just sort of pretend they don't exist and no one shoots me for it!
I feel like I'm ignoring all your advice and restating my own stances. I guess that makes me bull-headed.
I guess I should REALLY start getting to go to sleep soon. Seriously, my eyes are killing me. You should sleep too, if you're in the USA. But wait, you're Australian, aren't you? What time is it even there right now? Not 3 am I'd wager. I need to sleep. Hopefully we converse more at a later time. Good luck in all your endeavors. Wow, that pillow looks really great right now. I could write a fanfiction about Luna and how much she just wants to go to sleep, and there's this pillow that's all tempting, and after about 1k words of trepidation, she flops onto the bed and buries her face into the pillow, flips it over so it's the cool side, and then a smile just spreads on her face. Sleep sounds so good right now.
Mm.... sleep.
I read this because I like Blue Skies' design (even wrote him into own fic for a cameo) and I thought it'd be cool to see a fic with him in a leading role. I must say I'm pleased, nice work. He has a plausible reason to like her (wonder if he'll be bummed she's not like her modelling persona) and it's a nice touch he has be encouraged to make an attempt.
I'm going to read this, looks good.
Also i hope you return soon!