Exponentia Reprehendo
Starlight Glimmer scribbled out another batch of words on the piece of paper that lay before her. Everything I come up with sounds terrible. Why is it so hard to name a new spell? I suppose I could call it ‘Starlight’s Method’. The first of many, if this works out. She sighed at that thought. It wasn’t really a name for a single spell. I definitely don’t have the knack for this that Starswirl the Bearded did.
She crumpled up the paper and tossed it into the overflowing wastebin next to her desk. Her study was a small offshoot room of the main library in Twilight’s castle, its bookshelves filled with her favorite reference materials, and as of late, a large number of heavy volumes involved in her next project. It was a little late to be working on anything, but Twilight and Spike had left town for a couple of days, and Starlight didn’t want to waste the resultant peace and quiet. She was so close to finishing a spell that would make Twilight proud.
After a couple of hours of concerted effort, she’d finally refined it enough to feel comfortable putting the spell on paper. There was only the matter of an awkward blank spot at the top in place of a title.
Its purpose isn’t complicated, even if it took me weeks to put together. Levitation is formally called by exactly what it does. Maybe that route would work better, especially since differing levels or flavours can be expressed through simple preceding adjectives.
So what does this spell do? Hmm…. It keeps unicorn spells from failing, but only if something goes wrong. It doesn’t do anything most of the time.
Spells… it keeps spells… under control… in check? Starlight let on a smile as another potential name came to mind.
She magicked out another piece of paper and scribbled a few similar names on it. I think ‘Spell Check’ will make a good working title. I can just translate it into one of the older tongues for formal publication.
Now I just need to test it.
~ ~ ~
Starlight was thankful that it was Saturday. After careful thought, she had concluded that unicorn foals would be far less likely to use spells outside of Spell Check’s scope in their everyday lives, which would mean that the experiment couldn't really affect them adversely at all. As such, she would need several of them to volunteer for the day, and that wouldn’t happen if they were tied up with school. Once she had preliminary results on the concept, increasing the size of the standard Spell Check library wouldn’t be an issue.
With all of her prospects looking up, Starlight nearly found herself skipping down the road. Careful now; there’s no need to be giddy. She took a few confident breaths and slowed her pace just a bit. She’d still have to convince a few parents that their foals would be perfectly safe, and it wouldn’t be easy to do that if she couldn’t keep her composure.
First up was Sweetie Belle. Mostly because she was the only unicorn foal that Starlight really knew in Ponyville, and she really didn’t want to have to personally ask every parent and foal. Since – to the best of her knowledge – Sweetie Belle was with Rarity often, Carousel Boutique was her first stop.
Just before entering, Starlight tried her best to remove any evidence of how much she was hoping that Sweetie Belle would be free to help.
Rarity’s voice greeted her as soon as she was inside. “Welcome to— Oh, Starlight. What brings you out of the castle today, my dear?”
‘Today’? It hasn’t been that long. I even went to that picnic… last week? “Has it really been that long?”
Rarity noded. “A few days at least since I have seen you. You really should get out more. I can’t imagine being cooped up inside is good for your health, even if it is a magnificent castle stocked with everything you need to survive for weeks. You’ll go stir-crazy.”
Starlight shrugged it off. “I’ve been working on something important—”
“That’s no excuse.”
“Well I’m out now. Anyway, that’s why I’m here. Can I borrow Sweetie Belle for the day?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Whatever for?”
“I’ve been working on a spell, and I think Sweetie Belle can help me test it out. It’s safe, really – almost nothing should change, and it’s only going to be for one day.”
“Almost?”
“I just want to test a sort of fail-safe. If anything changes, it’ll be an improvement.”
“If you say so.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Though, you’ll have to ask her if she’s okay with it. Do be careful: she and her friends have a knack for trouble even with the best of circumstances.”
Starlight let on a smile. “Don’t worry, Rarity. She’ll be alright.”
“It’s not her I’m worried about.”
~ ~ ~
Snips, Snails, Dinky, and Sweetie Belle now followed her as she made her way to her study. Granted, she had hoped for a larger group of willing volunteers, but many of the foals’ parents or siblings were uncomfortable with the idea of letting them participate as subjects in any experiment, even if it was for the protégée of the local beloved princess. Sweetie Belle had succeeded in procuring three more for her, at least.
I would have liked at least six, but even one should be enough to put the concept to the test.
“So what did you want us here for?” Snails asked after she had nudged the door closed behind them.
“Well, I’ve created a spell that will help you cast spells correctly every time,” Starlight replied. “The general idea is that I’m going to cast it on you, and you’re going to tell me how it affects you.”
Sweetie Belle cocked her head sideways. “What do you mean?”
“Well, many unicorns don’t use magic much more complex than levitation because of the risks and effort it takes to master them. Failure to properly cast a transmogrification spell, for example, could have disastrous consequences. This… Spell Check takes over only if you did something wrong, and corrects the result. When you get used to casting whichever spells correctly, you won’t even need it, but honestly, I think this will be something that every unicorn could benefit from, because everypony makes mistakes from time to time.
“In your case, the stakes are low, because you don’t yet rely on your magic for everyday functions and the spells that you do use probably won’t be too advanced.”
The foals’ responses came all at once:
“Sweet.”
“What do we get for participating?”
“That does sounds pretty cool.”
“Are you sure this is safe?”
Starlight blinked. “Yes, it should be absolutely safe, and, uh… what do you want for participating?”
Dinky didn’t hesitate. “A triple fudge, triple caramel and brownie crumble topped vanilla sundae with whipped cream and a sprinkling of candied cherries from Sugarcube Corner.”
The other three foals chorused, “Mmmmm...”
“Fine,” Starlight replied. A few bits is a reasonable trade, and it looks like Snails could do with a few more calories.
“Anyway, this shouldn’t have any profound effects, and I just want to run the experiment for one day. If you’d just write down when and what you were doing every time you notice it—” she levitated four identical journals from her desk towards them “—in these, that’s all I need for this phase. Meet me back here before sundown so that you can turn in your reports and I can remove the spell.” She smiled at them. “Any more questions?”
“Will we be able to cast anything we want?” Snails asked. He wore a goofy smile, and his gaze didn’t appear to be focused on anything in particular.
Starlight took a moment to parse his question. “Yes. This is only a supplement to your innate magic abilities, so you will be able to cast anything that you could before, which is only really limited by the amount of knowledge and training you have.”
He seemed satisfied with her answer. “You can sign me up.”
“Any other questions?”
The foals glanced at each other, and shook their heads.
“Great! Let’s begin.”
~ Dinky ~
Dinky bounced through the castle halls on her way out, journal held securely in her mouth. This was her ticket to her favorite dessert in Ponyville, and all she had to do was write a couple of entries by the end of the day. She slowed down a bit as a thought came to her. If I want anything to report, I might as well use my magic more.
Focusing her telekinesis, she traded out her mouth-grip for levitation. The book floated gently in front of her as she scrutinized it. Nothing strange happened, and she didn’t feel any different.
I’ll make a few entries up if I have to.
Satisfied, she continued to bounce along her way.
*
When she got home, Dinky pulled out every book she had on magic and retreated to her room. That she only owned The Standard Book of Spells didn’t dissuade her; it still covered more magic than most unicorns learned in their entire lives. She had wanted to borrow Liber Umbrarum from the library – even though it was full of complicated spells – mostly because the cover looked very ornate, but Princess Twilight didn’t seem to think it was a good idea. It didn’t matter now, because Princess Twilight had told her that it didn’t survive when Tirek destroyed the library.
Dinky opened the book to the table of contents. The plan was to cast every spell that didn’t sound too hard once, and write down what happened. She frowned at the dozens of spells listed on the page.
Well, since they’re organized by approximate difficulty, I’ll just stop when I find one that I can’t cast. That seemed reasonable. She’d be done soon enough, and that sundae was as good as hers. First up was levitation of lightweight objects.
I’ve already done that. Still… here goes. She magicked her feathered quill to eye level. After a couple of seconds, she scribbled down the lack of results in her journal. Next up…
I’m skipping the rest of the levitation section.
…the temperature manipulating spells. She hadn’t cast any of these successfully before, but nopony besides her mother needed to know that. Besides, there wasn’t a fridge to catch on fire this time. There wasn’t anything to test out the spell on properly, either. The book suggested a vessel of water, as it would take a moderate amount of effort to change significantly, and any effects should be easily observable.
Moments later, she returned from the kitchen with a glass of water and set it on the small desk in her room.
Here goes.
She looked over the instructions once more, and concentrated on the glass. As she focused her magic on heating the water, she felt something… almost slippery in her mind. She blinked in surprise. The water was boiling now.
Half a second later, the glass shattered in place with a sharp pop. Dinky jumped back to avoid the now-hot water splashing on her desk. The spell had… worked, but she wasn’t quite sure how. I guess that’s what Starlight Glimmer wanted to know about. She dutifully pulled out the journal and wrote down her experience. I wonder if that happens every time…
~ Snips & Snails ~
After having gotten thoroughly lost trying to find their way out of the castle and asking Starlight for directions when they wound up in her study again, Snips and Snails had gathered a few of their classmates at the schoolyard to show off to.
“Hnngh…”
Despite Snails’ best efforts, instead of a ray of massive destructive power, a tiny spark popped out of his horn and bounced off of the targeted rock in front of him. A second later, it fizzled out unimpressively.
Collectively, their audience “aww”ed.
“Aw c’mon, Snails,” came Snips’ irritated voice. “Stop playing around!”
“I don’t think this spell works,” Snails replied.
“I bet that’s why it doesn’t work: you don’t think.” Several of the nearby foals chuckled at Snips’ remark.
“Oh yeah. Why don’t you give it a try?”
Snips rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll show everypony how it’s done.”
Snails stepped aside; Snips took his place. He focused all of his magic into a spell of such destructive power, it would make Ponyville tremble around him...
...if it had worked. In contrast to Snails’ attempt, several sparks of varying size sputtered out of Snips’ horn and fizzled on the ground. One of them even scorched a blade of grass. Several members of their crowd laughed as Snips’ embarrassment turned his cheeks red.
“Well that was a dud,” Snails remarked as their classmates gave up and left to resume their own plans for the weekend.
Snips stomped a hoof. “It’s not fair! Nopony is going to take us seriously after that!”
After a moment’s pause, Snails blinked. “But nopony takes us seriously in the first place.”
Snips pouted. “I thought Starlight said we could cast anything we wanted with her spell... but I didn’t feel anything different.” He sighed. “I guess you’re right: that was a dud.”
~ Sweetie Belle ~
“So...” Apple Bloom started, after Sweetie Belle had explained Starlight’s experiment to her friends, “you’re tellin’ us that it’ll help you cast all sorts of new spells without you havin’ to study?”
Sweetie Belle nodded enthusiastically. “I might even be able to cast as many spells as Twilight can!” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom didn’t look quite as impressed as she imagined they would be, though she’d be skeptical herself if she hadn’t asked Starlight how it worked. She asked them to the clubhouse for that reason: after explaining everything, she hoped to put it to the test.
“But isn’t Twilight a really powerful alicorn?” Scootaloo asked. “How can you be as good at magic as Twilight without studying magic like she did?”
Okay, they were right; it wasn’t perfect. “Well, Twilight can cast more powerful spells. I don’t think there’s a way around raw magical power, but I should be able to cast any spell, no matter how complicated it is, as long as Starlight included it in her spell. Anyway, I wanted to try it out, and I figured you girls might like to watch, if it works.”
“Or you were just too excited not to share it,” Scootaloo remarked.
She blushed. That was mostly true.
Apple Bloom broke the pause. “Well don’t let us stop you. Let’s see what you can do.”
Sweetie Belle smiled in return. “Excellent. Now, this is a spell that I’ve been curious about for a while, but I haven’t gotten the hang of it yet… It’s supposed to create a sound barrier… to keep sound from passing through, that is, not a barrier of sound.”
She gathered herself, then directed the magic within her with the best understanding that she had of her spell. In the split second that it took, she did notice an unusual feeling. She didn’t quite understand everything that had just taken place, but once she had finished, she couldn’t make out any birdsong.
“This is kinda spooky,” Apple Bloom said.
They all glanced at each other. Nothing made a sound outside the clubhouse. She could almost hear her friends breathe.
Scootaloo interrupted the silence. “Why would anypony want a spell like that?”
“Concentration,” Sweetie Belle replied. “Somepony would have to come inside the clubhouse to bother us now. Anyway, I think Spell Check worked. I definitely felt something.”
Apple Bloom took a seat on the clubhouse floor. “Cool. If you can cast somethin’ like that, what else can you do?”
“You could try that cloudwalking spell, or a transformation spell, or teleporting, or summon something…” Scootaloo didn’t respond to Apple Bloom’s glare. “Maybe an actual magic barrier spell?”
Sweetie Belle frowned. “I don’t know about all those. To be honest, I’ve never even tried any of them… but I have thought that it would be cool to be able to teleport…”
Scootaloo let on a sly grin. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Here goes...”
Sweetie Belle charged up her magic – keeping the nearest of the Apple Family barns in mind as a convenient destination – and soon she felt Spell Check take effect once again.
Then there was a blinding flash and a devastating roar of arcane energy.
She felt awfully dizzy, but made out the form of a large smoldering hole in the side of the clubhouse, with her two terrified friends on either side before her legs gave out, and she found herself on the floor.
~ Starlight Glimmer ~
Starlight frowned at her work. ‘Exponentia Reprehendo’ seems to be the most literal translation, but it doesn’t exactly have a pleasant ring to it. She flipped through a large book on her desk. I suppose ‘Reprehendo Magicae’ would be more accurate if I expanded the spell’s libraries to include other forms of magic someday. Maybe… She flipped through to another page. I could go with ‘Emendatus Exponentia’ which, while not as accurate, at least comes with some minimal amount of alliteration.
Starlight considered it for a moment. Alternately, I could go with ‘Emendatus Magicae’. I think both of those definitely have a nicer sound to them than ‘Exponentia Reprehendo’. Satisfied, she leaned back away from her work. Finally done. I never guessed that naming a spell would take even this much effort.
Unfortunately, her satisfaction didn’t go untainted for long, as she heard a deep rumble in the distance only seconds later. Starlight held still. That didn’t sound good. Maybe it was just the weather? Sure, the next thunderstorm wasn’t scheduled until next week, but maybe Rainbow had changed her mind.
That didn’t explain why every magic-sensitive nerve of hers tingled. Either way, she at least had to take a peek. With a flash of cyan light, she teleported to one of the uppermost balconies of the castle and looked around. From the vicinity of Sweet Apple Acres, a large plume of smoke had just begun to rise. Her stomach sank. Great. Right when Twilight’s out of town.
Starlight gathered herself and teleported back inside. With the few moments she’d have to spare, she tucked away her work and pulled out a small compilation of spells that Twilight put together for reference in case of emergencies.
The castle’s front doors’ boom echoed around the castle, presumably as somepony entered.
Starlight closed her eyes. Chances were that somepony had come to tell her about the explosion, and, given whose castle it was, they would probably expect her to immediately have an answer to the problem. She gathered herself and made her way towards the entrance hall.
Apple Bloom’s voice rang through the corridors as she neared. “Starlight! We think somethin’ went wrong with your spell!”
She took a peek. Down on the ground level were the Cutie Mark Crusaders, with Sweetie Belle sitting in a wagon hooked to Scootaloo’s scooter.
Starlight blinked. “What are you doing here?” The timing couldn’t be a coincidence. Not with these three. “Please tell me you didn’t...”
“That was me,” Sweetie Belle said.
It took every effort Starlight had to keep from smacking a hoof to her forehead.
~ ~ ~
Starlight had insisted that the Cutie Mark Crusaders stay put while she gathered the other three foals.
Snips and Snails hadn’t caused any problems by the time that she found them, at least. From what they had told her, she reasoned that they had failed to respond to Spell Check’s corrections, which she regarded as fortunate, given what they claimed to have been trying to do. With them on their way back to the castle, she teleported to Dinky’s residence.
The haze that greeted her when she opened the door didn’t bode well.
“Dinky? I need you to come back to the castle.”
Starlight sighed in relief when she heard a reply. “Just one second!” At least Dinky was alive.
Down towards the end of the hallway, the haze got thicker. Starlight pushed Dinky’s door open. The room was covered in soot, some of which was quite damp. A bookshelf on the other side of the room still appeared to be smoldering, and the smell resembled that of eldritch entities that even the princesses took great care to avoid provoking rather than smoke. Dinky was sitting in the middle of it, focused on what remained of one of her books on the floor, seemingly unaware of the state the rest of the room was in.
Starlight stood in the doorway for a long moment, unsure of how much she wanted to know about the spectacle before her. Then she heard the familiar ‘poof’ of somepony teleporting outside. Not even the eldritch stench gave her such a chill as the one that followed.
“Starlight Glimmer,” came Twilight’s voice, “what in Celestia’s name is going on here?!”
“I know this looks bad, but—”
“I have a hard time imagining how it could be not bad. In the last ten minutes something has triggered several of the spells that I set up to alert me if something happened to Ponyville; Sweet Apple Acres lost a barn to a magical explosion, there are several foals at the castle who tell me you’ve been conducting an experiment on some of them, and...” Twilight glanced behind her, into the room “...you had better hope that is only what it looks like. What did you do?”
“Well…” Starlight drew a circle with her hoof tentatively, unable to bring herself to look Twilight in the eye. “I was right about one thing: everypony makes mistakes.”
~ ~ ~
After briefly explaining the situation to Twilight, Starlight had promptly removed her spell from the foals. She had planned to anyway, but Twilight insisted as well.
When she was finished, and the foals were on their way home, Twilight asked firmly, “What exactly was your experiment?”
Starlight sighed. “I put together a library of spells and techniques and combined it with a limited mind control enchantement, optionally imbued into a subject’s thaumic aura for long-term effects. The result leaves the subject’s spellcasting abilities untouched unless there’s an anomaly in the aura that’s outside one of the reference spells within the library, at which point it generates a powerful subconscious suggestion to normalize it based on the most similar spell known.”
Twilight’s glare softened a bit. “And you didn’t think that I could possibly want to know about this beforehoof?”
“You mean… you think it’s a good idea?”
“No! Well— That’s not the point!” Twilight started pacing frantically around the room. “Do you realize just how many ethical lines you blatantly ignored with this experiment? Just look at how Sweetie Belle’s attempt to teleport was misinterpreted by your spell! Somepony could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse! Are all of the reference spells even within a foal’s capacity to cast in regard to actual power? What would happen if they tried to cast one of those?”
“It would… oh.” Starlight’s expression dropped as she considered the question.
“Not only could it be incredibly dangerous to release one of those spells before completing it, the poor foal wouldn’t have a drop of magic left! It wouldn’t be much different than if Tirek had drained them.”
“It wouldn’t be permanent...” Starlight swallowed, and managed, “But… you are right.”
“And don’t you forget it.” Twilight took a deliberate breath. “Now… your little friends have caused a lot of mayhem around Ponyville. I understand that the Apple Family is now in need of a new barn, and probably a few trees. I sorted out the worst of Dinky’s experiments, but the house still needs to be decontaminated from a variety of things, and I still wonder if I should perform a proper exorcism.”
Twilight turned to her and spoke with a cold fury that Starlight knew she probably deserved. “You are going to help everypony that has suffered as a result of this experiment, and you aren’t going to cast even one single spell until I say so. Am I clear?”
“Yes, Twilight.”
~ ~ ~
On her way to take stock of the damage done to Sweet Apple Acres, Starlight hadn’t even closed the castle’s door behind her when she heard Dinky address her.
“You still owe us ice cream.”
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Oh hey a good story with no comments
. ‘Exponentia Reprehendo
I think it's Italian
7658508
Not anymore thanks for ruining it
Little D has her priorities straight. I like that.
7658825 Damn straight. Girl was promised ice cream, and she's going to get it one way or another.
As for this story, I actually liked it. Fits with Starlight's personality and very curious lack of sensible morals.
7658825 Damn straight.
7658508 I'm here now...
7658508 7659040 7659051
Thanks for the kind words, guys!
7658741
The strange titles are all in Latin.
Well,it seems like Starlight can't be home alone....
Great story!
Dinky's got a point at the end.
In any case, lovely little story of Starlight not thinking things through. Much less disturbing than "Every Little Thing She Does," plus it made great use of Best Filly. Thank you for it.
7659636
Thanks!
7659709
Huh. Less disturbing? She was experimenting on children. I tried to lighten it up as much as I could, at least, but still.
Anyhow, you're welcome. Best Filly was much fun to write.
7659714
At least this time the mind slavery was subtle and had genuinely positive intentions rather than Starlight just trying to cheat her way out of having to learn how to socialize.
Wow, I have weird metrics for this kind of thing.
7659578 it was a reference to the Christmas story
7659740
Amusingly, Twilight was originally supposed to fill the main role when I first thought of this story about a year ago, but I never could make it work well enough. Every Little Thing She Does just showed me that I finally have a character with the appropriately blurred moral lines to pull off my demented little experiment. Even so, I wanted to steer its most adverse effects away from direct fatality. Now it's just playing with fire instead of being like taking too many downers at once. Somehow this is less morally not okay.
It also helped that Starlight doesn't appear to regularly check her assumptions.
That you even have metrics for a comparison like this is the weird part.
I might be wrong here, but this is what I gathered from Twilight's berating explanation:
Sweetie Belle and Dinky have innate magical ability, and Snips and Snails don't? Is that right?
7660440
How the Spell Check works is loosely based on the premise of actual spelling checkers (the kind that tell you "Equestria" isn't a word). Snips and Snails simply aren't responding the the subconscious suggestion, much as someone might ignore or not notice a red squiggly line.
Evidently Snails gets better at magic in later episodes, but he's never been shown to cast a spell of significant destructive power – that part is just them hoping for something out of their reach.
7660466 That's the part I didn't get. Twilight seemed to think that a pony attempting to cast a spell too powerful for them would cause permanent damage. But Snips and Snails attempted just that. Its only in this comment that we learn that they were ignoring the Spell Check's suggestions. Which apparently saved their lives. That's kind of a big deal to leave out of the story itself.
7660466
7660661
Ah, I see.
Maybe I'm just oblivious, but I agree with Spamotron in that I don't think that part was clear enough in the story.
I still enjoyed it though!
7660661
7660743
Twilight was only noting similarities, not necessarily thinking that it would be exactly the same as being drained by Tirek. Aside from that, you do have a point about what is and is not fully explained in this story, but the scope of the story wasn't intended to include an in-depth explanation of every aspect of what went on, as a lot of it was supposed to be implied. The specifics of the spell merit at least writing into a blog post linked in the Author's Notes box, or perhaps just a sequel/chapter if I have reason to believe it would work. Either way, it would cover all of this.
I'm reminded of a story with a similar idea I read here once. It even ran on the same pun. Very different outcome, though.
This wasn't exactly "laugh out out" funny, but still a solid, well-told story. Not bad.
7660661
Actually, there is a plausible explanation for Snips and Snails from information given in the story. Namely, Starlight's initial library of spells happened to not include any blatant combat magic, but did contain a few flashy fireworks spells a la Trixie. When they called for a beam of destruction, the closest match was a harmless light show.
Sweetie Belle was more imaginative, attempting spells that are useful and practical, so she got closer results, even if there were some unintended consequences.
Dinky, on the other hoof, was being methodical and using references, probably the very same reference Starlight used in compiling her library, so she managed to wreak all kinds of havoc.
Why either a standard book of spells or Starlight's spell would include something that requires an exorcism to deal with is beyond me, though.
7660661
7660743
7663140
I have written up an accompanying blog post here: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/684265/the-magic-of-spellcasting (Others beware of spoilers!)
I hope that you find the answers you seek within it. Lunae Lumen is reasonably close, though.
7663140
If Dinky miscast a simple conjuring spell or scrying spell... it's possible the most similar thing to it was a summoning spell.
Oh no, she's a scientist!
Also, knowing how to do something clearly does not provide the wisdom to know whether it should be done.
Sweetie: I cast Teraport!
Spell Check: Did you mean Tear Apart? Let me fix that for you...
And Dinky's line at the end was golden.
Even without all the fun shenanigans in this story, it's just really cute to see Starlight trying to organize things by herself. You write her really well. I like Twilight's teacherly reprimanding at the end too. Also the idea that she has Ponyville covered by alert spells is great too. I guess she's taking her Princess duties seriously!
How did the Crusaders get there so quickly?
8366221
With the power of a scene break/perspective shift... and Scootaloo's scooter.
I've read through it and it was certainly interesting, but I don't think it falls under the "comedy" tag. I expected something rather more lighthearted from the tags and description, but this has a kind of stressful feeling to it rather than funny. Not that I mind but it left me a bit confused. I liked the writing style though