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Sunset Shimmer ventures through the Mirror for the first time, and is shocked at the world she enters. Everything is different, and yet, familiar to her. The young twelve year old girl must make quick decisions amongst the guilt and anger she bears after departing from the world she once called home.
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Can you make a Sequel, say after the Fall Formal, after the truth on Sunset is revealed some of the others will want to know what hqappened to the Orginal, and hwo will Sunset deal with her sins brought in a new light thanks to the rainbow.
If that's the case, given that minotaurs are a thing in Equestria, shouldn't she be able to recognize hands when she sees them? I mean, maybe she'd think of them as claws, but saying that she'd never seen anything like them sounds like a bit of a stretch. Sorry for nitpicking like that, but that's something that's always bugged me and I felt like being picky because there's not much else to complain about.
Other than that ridiculously minor complaint, pretty good job. In some ways, I could actually see pre-reformation Sunset doing something like this and I would be very interested in seeing a follow-up of some kind. I think there's some good potential for angstiness if the rainbow gives her a new perspective on things, and I'd also be interested in seeing how Principal Celestia handled her favorite student spontaneously turning into a conniving bitch.
7649477
Thanks for the critique! I can see where you were coming from, but i decided to play it safe because IIRC... after Twilight came back home telling everyone "Sunset was in good hands", they didn't know what hands were. It's quite possible Sunset did actually learn about them, or was supposed to learn about them and skipped over it because she thought she didn't need it. Plus i imagine Sunset was very young when she left, around 12-14 (due to being in EQG world early enough that she existed at least a while before the freshman faire), so it's also possible she slipped up because she is still just a child, regardless :)
Thank you so much! If I get my creative juices flowing again, and if many are interested, I might try out a sequel in time
7649067 Maybe one day! thank you
Well that's over way to handle a plot hole
All in all, this was a good story. A very dark take on pre-reform Sunset, which I like. Echoing the others, I'm also curious what thoughts she'd have about this after her reformation. I can imagine it haunting her for a long time, not to mention causing problems beforehand as well. Trying to step into someone's life when she doesn't understand the world itself yet, let alone have any of her double's memories, has got to prove to be difficult. Not to mention water logged bodies float, so a criminal investigation is all too likely.
Not sure if you're at all interested in continuing this, but it could prove interesting. This works as a one shot, but it could also lead down some very interesting paths
Well this story certainly earned its dark tag. I'd be interested in reading a follow-up where the body or skeleton is dredged up out of the water and DNA testing or dental records identify her as Sunset Shimmer. Or the body might not even need to be discovered to arouse suspicion. The people in her life would be suspicious once she revealed she's from another world.
This is quite thoughtful, and the murder is dramatic, but how Sunset got to a murderous state of mind could be shown more vividly. I get that seeing an idyllic relationship between Celestia and herself hurt her, that's a great idea, but there could be a more emotional sense of growing insanity, from her previous troubles, until she snaps at that point. The mention of Fluttershy was a very nice touch.
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Thank you for the critique! I'll admit I don't really have an excuse other than wanting to get the story done before i went to bed for the bit of rushed writing/Sunset's quick-to-take actions, hahaha. I never really intended it to be more, but if I ever have time I might see about revisiting this in the future :P
Not the first time I've seen the idea proposed, but definitely the first time I've seen it acted out in such grisly detail. I'd expect pony Sunset to tail her counterpart a bit longer to figure out where she lived, but she's at her most desperate right now. Brilliant portrayal of her absolute lowest point.
The rawness of her morals cracking is frightening. Well done.