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Prince Blueblood. Last of his Noble line. Canterlot's most eligible bachelor. Aristocratic, affluent, and arrogant. But, surprisingly enough, a stallion who knows what is truly important in life: Family.
Placed fourth in the January 2016 Write-Off Event: Look, I Can Explain.
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That. Was a very good read.
Excellent composition, decent grammar(with only couple of minor mistakes) and damned good subject matter.
Now, I wasn't a particular fan of how he treated Rarity here, but certainly understandable in the situation.
Here's hoping it gets on the Box. It certainly deserves to.
(Edit: Also First comment on this wonderful story! Glad I decided to give it a look.)
One word...
Amazing!
Blueblood is not doing well.
His anger at his father eclipses that towards his mother, but they're both at fault. He probably does so to distance himself from the other stallion. If I read things correctly, he actually looks a lot like his sire.
The thing with Rarity reveals another tragedy: He wants a loving family, but he won't allow himself any romance. He hasn't gotten over what happened with his parents, it's clouding his judgement. Certainly if every single mare who was ever interested in him reminds him of his mother. He's punishing them, and he's punishing himself, and neither of it is healthy. If he'd taken the time to get to know Rarity, he would've seen what a strong and beautiful gem he just discarded.
Let's hope he'll get over it at some point.
Very good, just need a few edits here and there.
What was the Look, I Can Explain contest?
Ah, yes. I read this one in the Writeoff as part of my very first slate. I've come so far as a writer since then...
But enough about me and more about this absolute masterpiece of a redemption story for Prince Blueblood. The first and last scene tying everything together from different perspectives really drives home the conclusion. I simultaneously loved and hated when he got his cutie mark (from an emotional standpoint), which is good I suppose since it appears you were going for bittersweet. On the technical side, the prose seems a bit cleaned up from Writeoff, so there's another plus.
In conclusion, I was just waiting for this one to surface on FimFiction. (Maybe I'm just a sucker for redemption stories. idk.) Liked and Fave'd it as soon as I saw it was up. Well done.
'The sins of the father are often cast upon the son.'
In this case, Blueblood is the one casting upon himself his father's sins.
WOW!!
This story is already featured!
Excellent story! Love this kind of redemption story.
The only thing that bothered me were the occasional typo here and there. Could use a bit of spiffing up!
Great story!
Wow, so bittersweet. I'm gonna give you a fave and a like.
I'm always a fan of stories that redeem less then popular characters with jerkass personalities, and this story is no different. Really great writing here; you deserve a fav!
Holy... Wow...
I'm so glad that this story about Blueblood paint the stallion in a different view. Keep writing, my fellow artist!
`Now I kinda have to hope your planing to do a sequal, this needs a followup.
Good story, but I really just can't get behind the "Equestria = Victorian London" equation here.
Great job! Love to see a more developed Blue Blood. While it is important to distance yourself from your father's mistakes, you don't have to punish yourself forever for them. Holding on to anger just ends up poisoning you. You don't have to forgive or ever forget, but you have to move on.
A heart wrenching story. In all the good ways. It is showcasing his actions in such a different light, and one that perhaps, in his own ways, deserves the sun to shine on him, not the dark.
Damn now that's how it's done. Good to finally see a story with a good Blueblood
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That was.. BEAUTIFUL! I love this story. it made me weep. and I added it to my favs. GREAT JOB!
I do love redeeming Blueblood stories.
Very good. I loved the characterization and backstory!
Very well done, minor spelling errors here and there, but a pass through Word would catch those. I definitely enjoyed the read
Brilliantly done!
It is marvelous as a stand alone piece, but I would love to be able to explore this Blueblood more. He is a real pony and I would love to read more about him!
Wonderful! Please do a sequel :)
Interesting story. I like how Blueblood took Rarity down a few pegs and it is interesting to see this side of Blueblood.
Good to see this making the leap to FIMFic. It was near the top of my ballot back in the Writeoffs.
The most epic fiction about Blueblood I ever read in my life. You did a master piece dude. You are the best.
I can't wait for more fictions about this Blueblood.
This story broke my heart, From Blueblood's need for family, to his hate of his father. The bitter-sweetness of it, made me tear up. I hope you Write more about my favorite prince. I don't think he gets enough love in the fandom.
Amazing.
I really didn't see how you were going to reconcile this headcanon with his treatment of Rarity. But you did. Boy oh boy you did. This was beautiful. I only wish we could have seen a happier ending for Blueblood; going into drunken rages, living forever alone, letting himself be eaten up by his hatred for his father and his own self-loathing. I would have liked to see him find peace. But he's still young, so logically, it could still happen. Regardless of that, this was a beautiful story. The pacing was wonderful, the twists and surprises were well-timed and kept the story fresh and moving, and you have a great writing style. I think the only thing that could be fixed was a couple of typos (you wrote 'he' instead of 'she' a couple of times, once in regard to Evening Breeze and once with Rarity). Overall, excellent job, and a truly moving read. =)
Faved, Followed and given every award I'm able.
Approved The Goodfic Bin
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Tag-A-Long's Book Club
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Damn good work. This was a pleasure to read.
>1 raw egg
>1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
>salt
>pepper
>2 dashes of Tabasco sauce
But god damn if that wasn't a seriously well written story. I'd love to see a follow up, if you ever feel like writing one.
7648555 I understood it as more of how the aristocrats act, trapped in their own sphere of influence and not really reflecting the real world beyond that small bubble. Think 18th century England, deep in the industrial revolution but I imagine the garden parties in the elite circles were much how they had been for the last four centuries.
An excellent piece, you could just as easily substitute this with people and publish it as an original work. You do very well with the subject material and the inter-twining plotlines do very very well together. That takes poise and planning that most writers simply do not have the capacity for. You should be commended on the highest levels for doing something so complex so well and within such a small space.
Masterfully done. I can only imagine how the beauty must soar when you write happy things.
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Unfortunately, Rarity didn't seem like she was behaving in a particularly mature fashion during the gala, either. Fortunately, it seems likely that the two are in the equivalent of their early 20s. There's still plenty of time for them to both grow up, get mostly past their issues, and become a couple later on. In this continuity, hopefully they do eventually.
Woah.
I have no words... This was amazing
Well done, man. Very well done.
7650147
Even more so since a big part of Rarity's character growth in the series deals with overcoming peer pressure and not submitting too much of yourself just so you'll climb up the social ladder.
If only he knew. He would see she's actually trying not to be like his mother. And he could help her, just as she could help him.
God this story is good. So damn good. I shed manly tears of manliness, it was so good.
Oh who am I kidding. I cried like hell at how tragic this was. Good show, man. Good show.
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Well, I was talking social policy and treatment of those "ruined" by sexual predation, not specific cultural traits. In today's USA, a housekeeper getting pregnant by her employer doesn't normally lead to her starving to death in the streets and I like to think of Equestria as a bit nicer to those in need than our world, let alone the bloody awful 18th century.
Wow! I really did not expect this to become so popular, so quickly! Thanks to everyone who's read this and commented or upvoted it!
On the subjects of grammar and typos, I'm embarrassed to admit that I somehow published an earlier version that I had not finished making corrections to... And which lacks a few minor modifications and additions. Thankfully docontra was kind enough to send me a list of corrections, which I have since implemented...
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Yes, Blueblood looks a great deal like his father. As a matter of fact, I picture white coats and blonde hair as being a defining trait of the Blueblood line. Likely the consequence of generations of arranged marriages. (ie, selective breeding.) And yes, Blueblood is not doing well. I really wanted to portray him as not as a hero or a villain, but as someone who is intrinsically and deeply broken. He's been broken by the duties and expectations of his position, the legacy of his parents, and his own moral compass. He recognized that what his sire did was wrong... But there's never been anyone to show him what's right. And so he's made it up as he's gone along, with 'don't be like your parents' as a keystone of his flawed moral philosophy...
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If you follow the link, you'll find yourself at the "Write Off" webpage. The Write Off is a (more or less) monthly writing competition that anyone can join. It used to be MLP fics only, but recently it has branched out into original fiction competitions as well. There's a prompt for each event (in this case "Look, I Can Explain.) and everyone writes a story based on it. Then everyone get's a chance to read, review, and vote on the stories. It's a lot of fun, not to mention a great tool for improving your writing based on all the reviews you'll likely get. (Plus, if you're a major procrastinator like me, the submission deadline is the perfect thing to get you to actually sit down and write something! )
7648095
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it in both places! And I'm glad I posted a version that had most of my corrections and edits done... When I posted it for the competition, I had had literally zero time to edit, review, or polish it. It even had a bunch of open ended italics tags, which totally messed up the formatting. Ugh!
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Alas, sequels are not my forte. Most of the stuff I actually get around to writing is for the Write Off competitions... And thus stand alone stories. I'm a terrible procrastinator, and while my head is filled with story ideas, I almost never get them on paper without something to nudge me along. The few multi part stories I've written in the past have a terrible tendency to end up languishing and dying without updates...
7648555
7649865
Yeah, it is a bit of a stretch from what we see in the show... But hey, alternate interpretations are what fanfic is all about, no? And yes, I was definitely going for a Victorian feel with this story. As a matter of act, the original seed for this idea came from an episode of a TV show called Murdoch Mysteries, set at the turn of the 20th century. The episode in question involved the murder of an aristocrat who, it turned out, was behaving much like the senior Blueblood in this story. And, of course, everyone in the household was covering it up / unconcerned. Because that's just how things were done. It occurred to me that this could be an excellent explanation for Blueblood's behavior...
7648586
Very true. But Blueblood isn't just angry at his parents. He's also angry at himself for not speaking up and confronting / preventing what he knew was wrong. He never worked up the courage to step out of his role as 'dutiful heir' when they were alive. Their sudden death denied him any chance at catharsis.
7649487
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I have to admit though, figuring out an ending for this story was one of my major challenges when writing it. The original concept was going to be a longer story involving Twilight Sparkle and one of the other Mane 6 digging around in Blueblood's past for some reason... (Possibly because they spotted him at Dinky's birthday, possibly Celestia nudging them in the right direction.) Bit by bit they were going to discover that while Blueblood was an arrogant jerk, his servants and employees were incredibly loyal. And rather similar in appearance... At the end they would have put together all the pieces, and finally gotten the whole story from Blueblood himself... While he was having his usual drunken tantrum, throwing things at his father's portrait. But I could never figure out where to go after that to fix Blueblood and wrap things up. Since we all know that the Mane 6 wouldn't be content to leave him to languish in his current state...
The Write Off's limited wordcount more or less forced me to use this format.. which, all things considered, worked out pretty well I think. And allowed me to leave the story open ended, while still stopping at a suitable conclusion.
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Why, thank you!
7649986
Thanks! This story had been floating about in my head for a while before I wrote it... Though I had to figure out how to twist the past and present narratives together in rather short order to meet the Write Off's deadline. I do seem to have a tendency to write stories with lots of flashbacks though, now that I consider it.
As for happy things, I'm afraid I don't write too many of those. By and large it seems to be either comedies or tragedies / dark stories for me. And my comedy is rather hit or miss. I did write one romance though! It's "the Lighthouse and the Sea." It even won first prize! Of course, lots of people thought it was actually a tragedy...
I guess I just have a dark heart.
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Honestly, I doubt that this Blueblood would ever get together with Rarity. Even if he does get over his emotional issues, Rarity is very similar to his mother: a high class white furred unicorn mare... Even with her very different personality, she'd just be too much of a reminder of his parents, and too close to the stereotypical aristocratic expectations of whom a 'Blueblood' should marry. Heck, I think Appjack would have better luck snagging Blueblood than Rarity would. Though they might well manage a friendship.
7650564 All things considered, I think you did very well! I really like this format you went with, it feels very personal and lets the focus lie on Blueblood rather than on the usual Mane 6. I liked being able to delve into Blueblood's motivations and see that he is basically Batman (pretends to be a rich, arrogant society guy while actually putting himself on the line for those who need help). This does feel like the kind of story that probably wouldn't be as effective if you'd tried to force a resolution, and the ending works well. Perhaps that could be fodder for a sequel, or perhaps it will simply have to do as leaving the readers to imagine their own positive ending. Lovely job overall, and thanks for the reply!
7650564
Hm, yes, I can see why that would make things unbearable for him. It's too bad, because this Blueblood is at least chivalrous in a way that Rarity would deeply respect.
Really, now? You might be right. At least he could have somepony to help him find his balance.
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Wow, an honestly likeable Blueblood. That makes two I've come across. Ever.
Good show!
I haven't read any of the other comments so no idea what the general consensus is but wow, in my opinion, what a masterpiece! Outstanding effort, I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely make sure to check out your other stories. Bravo!
This is amazing